Masochistic Perceptions, Trials and Truths

These are my cyberfied cerebral synapses ricocheting off reality as I perceive it: thoughts, opinions, passions, rants, art and poetry...

Monday, February 07, 2011

Autobiography of a Yogi

I’ve resolved this summer, after 15 years of practising Yoga and Meditation, to do my official Yoga Teaching Certification. One might ask why I’ve waited so long to do this? There is no simple answer and a hodgepodge of reasons for it: time and cost, looking for the right place and the right teachers, the level of confidence in my own practice, etc. A major reason that I have balked from getting my Teacher certification is because Yoga has become so diluted and commercialised in the main stream; a fashion as opposed to system of beliefs to live by. Through the many Martial Arts I have studied, I also witnessed this lack of theoretical or philosophical substance. I absorbed many of the writings of Aikido founder Morihei Uyeshiba regarding to the philosophies behind the Art and manipulation of ki, but classes were purely physical experiences with no teachings ever being shared. I found this to be true in the other Martial Arts classes that I have taken in Tae Kwon Do, Kali and Judo. The same applies to the Yoga classes I’ve taken, with the exception of two intensive years of study with an amazing teacher named Elfriede Meyer.

Gandhi stated that we should “be the change that we wish to see in the world”. As I take the step of becoming a Yoga Teacher, I am carrying these words with me. Taking on the role of being one’s spiritual mentor or guru completely terrifies me on the one hand because I simply could never envision myself thus. I am so far from perfect that it’s not funny. I suffer from bouts of PTSD, depression and anxiety disorders. I am often stressed and often act without thought when my impulsiveness comes over me. On the other hand, as a Teacher, I see myself as being ore a catalyst for another’s catharsis. An imperfect role model, perhaps, assists us in accepting our own imperfections. In the end, my role would be as a facilitator; to present directions, but allow my students to take their own personal journey. It is not a matter of “being like me” so much as encouraging others to “be who they are” and find one’s own purpose.



I started doing Yoga in 1997. I would tape this show on the local cable network hosted by a woman named Gerta Krebs. Through my collection of episodes, I began my practise. As I am prone to do, I started reading a lot on Yoga and Eastern Philosophy at this time. It was a year or two after this that I began to study under Elfriede. After just over 2 years of working with Elefriede, my new career as a Correctional Officer, doing shift work, ended my tutorage under her. From this point on, my reading list expanded significantly, and I would do the occasional course and drop-in classes around the city.

I received my first taste of Teaching Yoga this past August when I took a Teaching Yoga to Children Teacher Certification course. This class put me off in some ways, but also gave me some insight. The turn-offs lied in the fact that many of those taking the course had taken little or no previous Yoga. This clearly illustrates one of my main points of contention with the fashion Yoga presently permeating itself through North American culture. It’s the same as these Martial Arts places awarding black belts after only a couple of years study. The physical sides of Yoga or Martial Arts can be easily depicted, but this is not a complete learning of an Art or way of life.

So, what is Yoga? The classical techniques of Yoga date back more than 5,000 years. In ancient times, the desire for greater personal freedom, health and long life, and heightened self-understanding gave birth to this system of physical and mental exercise. The word Yoga means “to join or yoke together,” and it brings the body and mind together into one harmonious experience. The whole system of Yoga is built on three main structures: exercise, breathing, and meditation. Many of Yoga’s “life teachings” come from “The Yoga Sutras” by Patañjali and the sacred Hindu text “The Bhagavad Gita”. In my opinion, to truly reap any kind of benefit from Yoga, one’s practise must include every aspect outlined above.

So, as a Teacher, where would I recommend that my student, new to Yoga, begin? I would first state that Yoga and its benefits are a lifelong pursuit and, just like our lives, ebbs and flows and takes us down several different chutes along the way. It will be a constant challenge, but is not a competition. Take in what is presented to you in books and by teachers, and synthesise that which resonates with you to be what you wish to become and what you feel to be good and correct.

In the first month, I’d recommend that a student visit 3-4 different Yoga studios around town, to get a feel for the different styles of Yoga and a sense of the teaching being done. Inevitably, students will come to have a favourite style: Hatha, Ashtanga, Yin, Moksha, Iyengar, Kundalini, etc. This is good, but we must, in our practise, be open to other forms as each has their place. I, personally, have a strong preference to Iyengar and Hatha styles, and dislike many of the flow Yoga’s such as Ashtanga. This is largely because I lack grace and the flow forms often make me feel like I suck. But this is good and tells me that I need to challenge myself more. Again, pushing from our zone of comfort and into the torrents is necessary to impose tranquility on our turbulent times.

While a new student get their feet solid on their sticky mats, I would recommend that they read a plethora of books. Based on these readings, one would be better able to deepen their knowledge and provide conversational and discussion piece for when they meet with other Yogi’s and their teachers. I would break these books down into two categories: asanas (poses) and theory (philosophy and teachings).

Recommendations for Asana based information:

Light on Yoga” by B.K.S. Iyengar

Yoga: The Spirit and Practice of Moving Into Stillness” by Erich Schiffmann

Yoga for Beginners” by Mark Ansari and Liz Lark

Recommendations for theory based information:

The Heart of the Buddha’s Teachings” by Thich Nhat Hahn

Light on Yoga Sutras” by B.K.S. Iyengar

The Tao of Pooh” by Benjamin Hoff

Thus Spoke Zarathustra” by Friedrich Nietzsche

These writings will provide the student with ample information and ideas about our perceptions of the world in which we live and differing ways of approaching life. Once these books have been indulged, I strongly recommend that the serious student read the many writings of the following authors:

Thich Nhat Hahn (wonderful stuff on peace, mindfulness, etc.)

Eknath Easwaran (brilliant insights and highlights of many Eastern writings including “The Bhagavad Gita”, “The Upanishads” and “The Dhammapada”)

Jon Kabat-Zinn (one of the best writers out there on meditation)

As a person, I tend to be rather cynical and do not like the fluffy or flakey writings that are filtered through many of the books written on Yoga and Eastern ideas. This is a personal preference – to each their own. The authors that I have recommended here are largely indicative of my theological choices.

The last recommendation I would have for a student, new to Yoga, would be to download a few different guided meditations from iTunes. There are many good ones out there, and also some pretty horrible ones. I would recommend that the new student commence with meditations focusing on deep relaxation. It is during deep relaxation that the yoking of the physical, breath and mind truly flourish. If you truly wish to open your mind, I have come to enjoy doing my meditations on a Shakti mat. This is essentially a bed of nails ( you can order them on-line from www.shaktimat.com ). I was first introduced to them when I was teaching in the former Czechoslovakia by one of my students. While uncomfortable initially, over time, the Shakti becomes very pleasant and provides a wonderful rush of endorphins. Everyone will respond differently, of course, but I swear by mine!

In closing, I look forward to deepening my practice by taking my Yoga Teacher Certification. It is perhaps serendipitous that Gerta Krebs is one of the teachers of the programme I will be taking – a bit like going back to the beginning ... which is what I am doing by undertaking this course, beginning anew as a teacher, but always a student. And so it is... I hope that my words have offered you, dear reader, something positive to take away. Until our paths cross again, best wishes!

Friday, February 04, 2011


Taking Time and Not to Be Taken by It

Our world and lives are full of living poetry, though we seldom seek it out or stop to enjoy it when we are in its midst. So often, we plan our lives based on by measuring from special event to special event – vacations, days off, gatherings, festivals, etc. – and we neglect all those moments in between; wishing our lives away. I am definitely guilty of this. I reminisce about past moments and look toward the next “big thing” I have planned, neutering the present moment from producing joy and happiness. Like anything else, awareness of this fact is never enough. We need to practise and re-shape the way that we carry on from day to day. Maintaining a daily gratitude journal is one way to mine out the good stuff on even the worst of days. We also need to make a conscious decision to all our present day 24/7 culture of apathy and convenience not to consume us. There’s nothing wrong with mindless stuff – it’s necessary to relaxation and relieving stress. We do, however, have to ensure that our lives are flavoured with meaningful things. Consumerism does nothing for us, other than consuming ourselves and causing stress. Life is simple, but made complex by our unrealistic expectations. Taking time to observe our world and nurture relationships is essential. Like Confucius said “Everything has its beauty, but not everybody sees it”. We need to take the time to take things in. To be still. To simply be. To take time, as opposed to allowing time to take us.

Thursday, February 03, 2011

On Modern Education and Educators


Every career comes with their politics, misconceptions, bureaucracy and mixed agendas. I knew from the age of 15 when I was introduced to the writings of Camus and Orwell that I wanted to be a writer and a teacher. In my 40’s, writings a thing I do, and teaching is my passion and profession.

There are a lot of things that are right in Education these days. There are many amazing individuals who cultivate passion amongst their students, and dedicate their lives to the cause. Education systems continually conduct research on better practices, and regularly offer professional development to their employees. Despite itself, all the progress and technology we have in our present day are a result of the system that has preceded us.

In the spirit of what is right in education, I will outline the two primary areas that require work in the interest of better serving our present and future generations of learners.

The first area needing to be addressed is the public image and misconceptions surrounding what being a teacher entails. In the media, teachers are often portrayed as being greedy, holding strike action over the heads of our students in the interest of money. Many see teachers – including the Employment Insurance (EI) department of the Canadian Government – as working 6 hours per day, 5 days per week, 10 months of the year and with every holiday off. When Provincial Achievement results are low, the Government look to the Teachers and, upon their shoulders, lays the blame. In professional development sessions, I continually hear the question “what more can you be doing?” when it comes to our schools, particularly for Aboriginal and Special Needs students. The list goes on.

Beginning with the issue of greed, I would state that this is not true. Teachers have been and remain underpaid in comparison to many other professions. Why wouldn’t we pay teachers well? After all, they manage our most valuable resource – children. Modern day teachers posses an average of 6 years post secondary education, put in approximately 50 – 60 hours per week, make more decisions in a day than probably any other profession, must understand and plan according to a variety of subject curriculums, have a strong background in psychology and keep current with the latest in technology and teaching practices. Why would we not match a teacher salary to that of a brain surgeon? One may counter by stating about a surgeons specialised training, to which I would respond: who provided the training? Answer: teachers. Ultimately, I am not arguing parity for teachers compared to surgeons, but, rather, trying to make a point.

Addressing the issue of hours worked... simply stated, the 6 hours, 5 days and 10 months perception is wrong. The average teacher may teach 6 hours each day, 5 days per week, true. That’s time standing up in front of a classroom full of children. However, those lesson plans don’t just magically appear, nor do the assessments of student work. I presently teach special needs Science, Social Studies, Language Arts and Math, in addition to two options classes. In my special needs class, I have 18 students who are chronologically in grades 7-9, but working on grade levels ranging from K-7. As a result, I have to differentiate for each student to ensure that they are being programmed for at the appropriate level. This takes a lot of planning. Further to this, there’s the bureaucratic side of the job: Individualised Programme Plans (IPPs), progress reports, psychological and grade level of achievement testing. Add to this coaching Rugby and Soccer, supervision, organising large school events such as reading conferences, open houses, special events and parent-teacher interviews. My school is in the inner city and I have to deal with social and health/behavioural issues of my students outside of my classroom time. I am not complaining at all, and do my job out of passion and a desire to help make these kids be all that they can be. I am merely illustrating my point pertaining to the hours worked by my colleagues and me, many of whom go home to their own children and spouses after their school day has ended.

I’m going to introduce my second main point as I address the issue of results and doing more. That is, that the Education system, while endeavouring to do its best, is unclear of its purpose- its raison d’etre. If you look historically at Education, modern Education began a couple hundred years ago as a place for the aristocracy to study for leisure and more scholarly purposes. This was followed by the Industrial Revolution, which broadened the field to where education was provided. The current system of free, public Education for all, however, is a fairly new concept.

In my parent’s time, getting a grade 12 education was something for those who were going on to post secondary school. Many people of the working class would drop out by grade 9 to work as farmers, fishermen, trades people, store clerks, etc. My mother was one of 10 children and only one of her siblings graduated from High School (and went on to become a teacher). Simply stated, you didn’t need a high school diploma in those days. As a result, our school system was very draconian and heavily influenced by academics, focusing only those who were going the distance through grade 12.

But times changed, and so did our school system. The needs of the technologically advanced world required more educated workers, and schools did away with their draconian ways in favour of more research based, social and holistic practices. The changes in society also began placing more responsibility on schools and teachers. As traditional family units and ways of life morphed, schools found themselves becoming surrogate parents as well as those tasked with providing students effective means to learn academic skills.

Re-enter my two remaining points from the introduction: results and doing more.

Despite our differentiation practises and pushing for inclusive classrooms, all students are still measured using provincial achievement tests which favour the academic students over those who are not university bound (despite a variety of vocational options at the high school level). This is highly unfair to the learners, and the data portrays teacher’s effectiveness unfairly. For lower achieving and special needs students, facing such examinations is often traumatising. It erodes their self-esteem. They get frustrated and then drop out. As for the teachers, how can we rate their performance on a PAC if we compare an affluent school full of middle class students to one in the inner city where the demographic is made up of low income families and there are endless social issues? You can’t. But the Government wants their data.

Which leads to the “what more can you be doing?” question often posed. For one, let’s look at the cuts to Education. If our schools are to be the all-encompassing holistic institutions that they have been told to be, then we need a whole lot more in the way of resources. This means teachers, support staff (psychologists, social workers, addictions counsellors, career counsellors, etc.) and materials in all schools. It also means we need to know clearly exactly what we are supposed to be doing. We also need to put responsibility back on parents. In our present culture of convenience, we have lost our communities and many parents feel entitled for the state to be responsible for their children’s upbringing. Television and video games have replaced so much of the social and family fabric that once was, as parents use these things as babysitting tools, leaving it uncensored and unregulated. In the end, we need to have a good hard look on what is coming to pass both inside our schools and inside the homes of our neighbourhood. We need to clearly define our roles and responsibilities.

A good friend of mine used to say the following two things regularly to me, and they made a whole lot of sense:

  1. “The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing”
  2. “If you know why, then the how becomes obvious”

If we bear these ideas in mind, then solutions will be found and our students and society will benefit. We need to asses our priorities and set them accordingly. We all need to take responsibility. In my opinion, the roles of our Educational Institutions should be to prepare students for life by teaching skills and critical thinking practices according to their needs and abilities, and provide the tools necessary to living a fulfilling and meaningful life. To do this, we need a diversity of options and student placements throughout their school years and re-think our approach to the whole profession.There has been a lot of good work done, and there is lots of work to be done.

Wednesday, February 02, 2011

On Spiritual Pathways

I began to practise Yoga fifteen years ago, and, through this path, found myself reading a lot of Eastern Philosophy, Psychology and texts from an assortment of world religions. Through the ebb and flow of this journey, I find myself, today, as being a spiritual atheist. This, of course, is a contradiction, but life is but a bundle of opposites – yin and yang, etc. I believe that I am part of a greater whole, by the nature of my being and the necessity to interact within our world. I do not claim to understand the endless boundaries of this existence, and, perhaps my sense of oneness with the greater whole is much like what the theist will call having a relationship with God/gods. Ultimately, I do not believe in an omnipotent, omnipresent and conscious deity who directs this life, but, rather, that there are laws of nature. In the end, I have a philosophy based on what I believe to be true, attached to the notion expressed in Pascal’s Wager: “It does not matter whether or not I believe that God exists”. The best way to describe how I live – a practise that is a work in progress, rather than an end – is to use the words of Buddha who stated: “Believe nothing, no matter where you read it who said it... unless it agrees with your reason and commonsense”. This allows us to borrow sentiments from all religions and beliefs, without becoming dogmatic or an iconoclast.

The spiritual path that I describe is not an easy one. It causes one to challenge social and accepted beliefs, often making one seem a pariah, and, like any hard look in the mirror, can be accompanied by both joy and pain. The whole question of “what is my purpose in life” has no black and white answer, nor is it an answer we may ever truly come to comprehend. This being said, to quote from an old saying, “it’s about the journey, not the destination”. The principles of acceptance and letting go, while making perfect sense in our minds, are not one’s that are easily implemented. Societal pressures, ingrained beliefs and the fact that such work requires much work amidst hectic lives, are reasons that we may defer from the journey and allow others to push and direct us in our lives. To dwell in effortless apathy is often our choice, and we allow ourselves to float in this manner, despite how empty it leaves us. It is always easier to follow than to lead. This holds true when we join or adopt the culture and traditions of others to find our own sense of self and belonging.

I write this, not because I possess any of the answers, but, rather, to ask that you seek your own. The truth can be both universal and subjective. Finding and creating your own spiritual/life path is one that only you are able to seek. There is no “one size fits all” in this life. No one faith or system tailored to our needs as individuals. However, by living a sedated, dulled down existence, will lead us to lives without fulfillment and overall sense of meaninglessness.

In closing, I ask only that you shall seek, but give no guarantees that you will find. Read the sacred texts of the world, the philosophies of great thinkers and the findings of psychologists. Then merge these ideas with your present state of being, life circumstances and worldly experiences/observations. Your findings may evolve and change, the further you seek. This is healthy and the only way to our perceptions of the universal truths that we will try to comprehend. For this is all there really is. Life is one’s perception of existence. Existence is the fabrication of nothingness into being. “Nothing” implies “no thing” and, thus, “some thing”. Ultimately, we create our own echoes.


As an aside, if you are looking for a place to begin, visit:

http://www.beliefnet.com/Entertainment/Quizzes/BeliefOMatic.aspx

Not only does it give a sense as to where your beliefs lie, it will also hyperlink you to each religion and tell you what they are all about for further research. Here are my results, and they have changed over time!

1. Unitarian Universalism (100%)
2. Mahayana Buddhism (95%)
3. Liberal Quakers (83%)
4. Neo-Pagan (83%)
5. Theravada Buddhism (81%)
6. Taoism (80%)
7. New Age (76%)
8. Secular Humanism (72%)
9. Hinduism (70%)
10. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (68%)
11. Scientology (66%)
12. New Thought (64%)
13. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (59%)
14. Jainism (56%)
15. Sikhism (52%)
16. Orthodox Quaker (50%)
17. Reform Judaism (45%)
18. Nontheist (43%)
19. Baha'i Faith (36%)
20. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (27%)
21. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (22%)
22. Seventh Day Adventist (22%)
23. Islam (20%)
24. Orthodox Judaism (20%)
25. Eastern Orthodox (16%)
26. Roman Catholic (16%)
27. Jehovah's Witness (14%)