Masochistic Perceptions, Trials and Truths

These are my cyberfied cerebral synapses ricocheting off reality as I perceive it: thoughts, opinions, passions, rants, art and poetry...

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Yoga Made My Body Dance
...Read on, this is not as cheesy as it sounds!


The one week intensive part of my 200 hour Yoga Teacher certification programme wraps up (no pun intended) tomorrow. I've thoroughly enjoyed this week, despite all my apprehensions prior to starting. There are noticable changes that I am finding in myself, which a week in such an environment with others will cause. In the evenings, I do not know if I'm mentally exhausted, or merely experiencing myself minus the normal anxious energy that keeps me running. Could this be relaxation that I'm experiencing? It's strange, and I'm not certain how much I like it. With my wife and daughter being over in England for a family wedding, I feel as though I've undertaken some form of monastic retreat, being with my Yoga classmates during the day, and then being at home alone in the evenings with only my two dogs and cat for company. I have not really spoken to anyone outside of this for the past week, save for the odd email, Facebook stuff and a couple of phone calls. I feel a strong sense of detachment and a slight heaviness.

With tomorrow's conclusion (though we will still meet as a class once per month for the weekends through January to complete our 200 hours), I feel quite sad. Going each day, and the routine established has been most pleasant. I feel as though I've really connected with many people in my class, and have a genuine fondness for every one of them; very strange for me as more often than not, I usually do not feel like I connect well in larger groups. The sense one feels at the end of a holiday or a summer camp is what I am feeling; in a way, it is very much a feeling of loss. But, in the end, such emotions only stress the necessity to enjoy every moment of your life and to appreciate those that you are with as nothing does stay the same. I certainly felt that when I bid adieu to my colleagues at my old school this June, as I move on to my new position. I feel fortunate to have known and to know many of the wonderful people that I do.

As reflected in previous entries that I have made on this site, it took me a long time to register for this course. I never do very well with joining things,  for a variety of reasons. Do I wish that I had done this sooner? Definitely not, as it would have been a completely different experience and with a completely different group. I think that I will always look back at this group of people much like I do on folks with whom I have experienced a lot with: university, basic training in the Navy, Correctional Officer training, etc. Intensity forges bonds much like high temperatures forges formidable steel. To continue with this imagery, this experience has made me "strike while the iron is hot"....

... To preface this, let me say that I am not a very graceful man. I was a lineman when I played Football, a forward when I played Rugby and a shield man on the tactical team in the prison. It would be an overstatement of my grace to say that I was as eloquent as a bison humping a camel on a frozen pond after an oil spill. The only dancing I have ever truly embraced was slam-dancing back in my Punk Rock days of the mid 1980's. Get the picture?

I have resolved to try to take life a little less seriously and see if I can not lessen the intensity that stress and anxiety take on me. This is the first part. Secondly, I have quite an open fetish for Bollywood films. I know, Bollywood films are longer than a Cricket test match matineed with a German Opera festivals over the tea breaks. They are very, very silly. They possess everything: romance, action, humour, political statements and spirituality in each one. Some are so bad that they are great - like "The Sound of Music" (a film I love) on steroids! The best part of Bollywood is, most definitely, the singing and dancing.

So, in a moment of the Yoga version of Dutch courage, I registered for a six week, one hour Bollywood dance class at the studio where I am taking my Yoga. I've joked about this for a while with others, but never had the opportunity to be there in the spot where dance classes were being offered, and having the teacher encouraging me to do this (it is a bit like getting drunk and a tattoo without really thinking about it I suppose in several ways... or when a colleague of mine convinced me to have my back waxed - she must have really hated me!). So, I thought about it. Then I put it on Facebook that I was thinking about it. After the response of many of my friends, there was pretty much no turning back. I figure after playing my guitar and singing in front of others both on my own and as part of my old Celt-punk band, PLAID FLAG - areas where I am not rich or abundant in talents - that I would have to find the next "high" of insane things for me to do in public. I am already feeling the mortification of it all (in fact, we've danced a few times in my Yoga class and I am so awkward and brutal that I cringe thinking of it). Needless to say, the "Masochist" in the title of this blog is most applicable, yes? Oh yes! Certainly living up to the mantra on my leg tattoo (which was very well thought out before committing to it): "Life is a daring adventure or nothing".

I also hope to learn to play the tabla over the winter when my broken finger is healed... though this will be a far less humiliating and much safer undertaking (appropriate word as I die of stage fright!). New things are good, and, sometimes, you need to truly exceed your comfort zone... in my opinion, anyway.

That is essentially where life finds me on this warm summer's evening. Life goes on and I feel fortunate for what I have experienced. Life is good. That's all I've got.


Tuesday, August 23, 2011


Centering Narrative
By Ed Meers

Written as a Grounding & Centering assignment for Yoga Teacher Training Certification course
***Please note: unless indicated otherwise, take a 10 second pause between each break
***Approximate duration: 5 minutes





Lie down on your back in Savasana, the corpse pose.

As you lie there, allow your body to relax and sink down into your mat, feeling the earth cradling and supporting your body as you prepare for today’s practise. (20 second pause)

Observe how good it feels to be here, letting go of all those things your mind has been busy with leading up to this moment, giving yourself permission to take this time for yourself, and know that there is no other place you need to be right now – everything you need is right here.

It feels so good with the earth supporting you. It reminds us that as long as we are able to lie above the ground and enjoy these sensations, that we are alive and have this moment to feel, to be ourselves without the weight of the expectations of others, and to seek the sacred connection we all share with the greater whole.

Now draw your attention to the breath. Simply observe your inhalations and exhalations, perhaps taking note as to where you feel your breath the most. Perhaps it is through the nose, in the throat or in the chest area. Do not judge the breath, simply be the watcher.

Perhaps, if visualisation helps you to establish focus, imagine the swirl of your breath as it courses through your body and leaves like the steam of your breath into the atmosphere on a cold winter’s day, gently rolling and dispersing into the atmosphere. Again, you are an integral part of the whole; of the universe... the coolness of each inhalation, and the warmth of the exhalation.

Now, as you lie there, bring your gaze inward and note the sensations of the body. What is your body telling you? Simply observe without judgment (20 second pause)

On your next inhalation, see if you can breathe into the belly area. If it helps, you can place your hands on your abdomen, and breathe into them, filling the belly as if it were a balloon.

See if you notice your hands moving. Perhaps they are moving apart on the inhalation, and coming together again as you exhale, pushing the breath outwards, using the diaphragm and sensing the naval as it travels back toward the spine, feeling the pleasant warmth of your body under your palms.

Now move your hands up to the rib cage area. As you do this, imagine your breath to be like a wave, gently rolling from the belly, up into your middle and lungs, ebbing and flowing. Can you feel your ribs and hands expanding out through the sides? Allow this wave to gently rock back and forth, from the belly, up and back again, massaging the internal organs. Again, observe the rhythm and soft cadence of this movement without judging.

Slide your hands up onto your chest area now, allowing the fingers to feel the area above the collar bone. See if you are able to continue the wave of breath, on an inhalation toward the upper part of your lungs, and then as it returns on its journey back toward the belly.

Try to lengthen your inhalations and exhalations now. You may want to count as you inhale slowly to four, pausing briefly at the top of the breath, and then follow for another four count through to the bottom of the breath.

Continue this breathing pattern, tracing the rise and fall of the breath with your senses, for another three cycles. (25 second pause)

On the next exhalation, allow the breath to travel freely, on its own accord once more. As you are doing this, again, check in with your body. See if you can notice any changes to the breath or how your body feels. Are you feeling more relaxed? Has your body yielded itself further into the earth’s embrace? Do you have the sensation of the universe’s energy cleansing and easing your body; your mind? (30 second pause)

At this time, begin to bring sensation back into your body. You can wiggle your fingers and toes if you like – whatever feels comfortable for you.

Stretch out the body if that feels good, and prepare for your asana practise, remaining mindful of the awareness and connections that you have created, and of how good the breath feels in your body.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Jack Layton: For the Man Who Inspired

It was very sad to wake up this morning and to learn that Jack Layton, leader of Canada's official opposition party, the NDP, had died from cancer. Even if you are not a party stalwart like myself, no one can take away from the fact that Mr. Layton endevoured to bring about change in this country by championing the causes of families and the working class, pressing for a greener Canada and a general advocate for peace on all levels. For this, whether you agreed with his politics or not, he must be given our respect and gratitude.

Reflecting on one of the reasons I have enrolled in my present Yoga teacher training, it is because I want to be someone who also advocates for peace, social justice and well-being, like Mr. Layton. At times, it feels quite self-indulgent to undertake such things when we live in a world where there are people starving, living in poverty, suffering social injustices and illness. Certainly, giving the tuition I have spent to charity and the amount of time I spend on my mat to volunteering might be more impactful for my community and the greater world. I think on this a lot. In fact, this year I had applied to volunteer with Project Overseas, unsuccessfully, unfortunately, to volunteer as a teacher overseas during the summer in a Third World country. I would gladly devote my time to such things. As a school teacher, I do give a considerable amount of my waking hours to my position, though for financial benefit as well as following my calling. Then there are responsibilities to my family - my wife and daughter, friends. Little time remains.

There, in fact, that is what is called Karma Yoga. Most people, when they think of Yoga - including many who think that they are practicing it - think of the asanas or "postures", and, to a lesser extent pranayama or breathing exercises and meditation. Karma Yoga is all about doing "good deeds".In truth, Yoga has many "off the mat" aspects and is a way of living, not just an exercise. I suppose that I justify my participation in this course as a way to try to understand myself and become more together (Yoga means to "yoke" or "union") so that I may be a more effective instrument in bringing about positive change and, to use an overused quotation from Gandhi, to "be the change [I] wish to see in the world". If I can find a way to inner peace and better sense of my place in the greater order of things, then perhaps I will be able to be the catalyst for another's catharsis, and, like a pyramid marketing scheme, that will  spread throughout the world, and army of good intentions (but NOT door banging evangelical types!) making it that little bit better and affecting positive change through their actions and choices to live harmoniously, compassionately and responsibly.

Jack Layton inspires me. I was asked by Ray Martin, former head of the Alberta NDP and candidate for a federal party in the Spring election, while helping out with his campaign, if I would be interested in running for the Party as a candidate either provincially or federally. I replied that I did not really see me as being suited to politics, as I tend to be rather blunt with my opinions which isn't so good for towing the party line, dealing with the media or pleasing spin doctors (and let's face it - once the media got a hold of some of my writings, they would have a field day!). Still, it is a thought that I have given to a bit of light musing. Really, if Sarah Palin.... e-hem.... Ultimately, to work with others who were battling our current social apathy would make for good company and the idea of having a direct line to the big guy in terms of voicing my opinions would be...interesting. Can you see it? Eddiebabaji MP? In all seriousness, I wonder what I will do with all of my "experiences - the teaching, writing, music, etc - in my life....?

In the end, this is a time to reflect on many things: Mr. Layton's legacy, mortality, etc. Most importantly, to express condolences to the Layton family and offer our gratitude for the sacrifices and services rendered. May this be his lasting light and the spark of our aspirations of betterment for all. Thank you Jack. You did good.

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Saturday, August 20, 2011

Summer Winding Down :(

While the weather was pretty much crap this summer around my neck of the woods, I still managed to enjoy the holidays. Here's a wee montage of some of what I've been doing since the end of June... and what I've done to myself from a scrapes, bruising and fracture perspective. Most of all, a massive thank you to my family and friends who indulge and sometimes participate in my undertakings. Most importantly, thank you to those who will become disciples of EDDIEBABAJI!  :P
























Two Days Down


With two days of my Yoga Teacher Training course behind me, I must say that I am truly enjoying it. My classmates appear to be in this course for  reasons similar to mine, as opposed to simply joining the fad of Yoga that is engulfing North America - a sincere fear I held in registering myself as I did not want this to be "that" kind of Yoga training. Like myself, many of them express self-doubt and fears about taking this training as Yoga is such a massive scope to take in. This is a direct indication of humbleness and respect for Yogic tradition.

When you begin to get serious about the whole Yoga and self-discovery thing, there's certainly plenty that arises that can leave you feeling uncomfortable and insecure - much like doing renovations where you tear out a lot of old stuff - stuff containing both fond and unpleasant memories in a lot of cases - to build something sturdy and new. Certainly, spending these eight consecutive days, followed by six, three day weekends with like minded people possessing an intense internal focus can open up a whole lot of personal issues. Needless to say, such a group will forge formidable and significant bonds. I must say that I feel particularly insecure about this as I am the only man in the class of 18. On an energy level it is quite interesting, but it does press my comfort zone to the point of feeling rather vulnerable. Despite my extrovert appearance, I am very introverted for the most part. Placing trust in such a group is quite an adventure, and I am amazed at how much we have all shared after such a short period of time. I guess that says something about sangha and instincts.

Over many conversations with my classmates, there seems to be a mutual feeling that much of the mainstream Yoga is going the way of greed and elitism, and it can take away from the more simplistic Yoga experience. Again, this is something I appreciate and am grateful for. Though these acquaintances are in their infancy, I feel that many of these people will take this sentiment into their teaching, and hopefully keep the true spark of Yoga alive long past when the present flare of fashionable and financial Yoga is extinguished in North America.

...and so tomorrow: day #3.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Give and Take

I will begin my 200 hour Yoga Teacher Certification course tomorrow. Tending toward nervousness, many things are running through my mind as I prepare for this next step in the development of my knowledge as a Yogi. This is a serious undertaking on my part, as I have elaborated at length in previous posts about my Yoga and life philosophies, as well as my feelings about the affects of Yoga's popularity upon its modern practice. A part of me is an eager student ready to learn, while also harbouring feelings of "buying in" to the whole Yoga fad, and fears of disappointment. Yoga holds a deep meaning for me - sacred in a non-theistic sense - as it is my passion and my survival tool. In the end, much like my life's philosophy, which is compiled of several philosophical, spiritual and psychological schools of thought, I will approach this with an open mind and take from it, that which suits me, while abandoning those portions which do not sit will with my vision.

The ability to give and take is something I hope to nurture and develop this year. So often we become conflicted by shelving those things we wish to be and are desirous of doing, for courting acceptance and attaining status. The simple fact is that confidence is a product of such expectations and easily eroded if one does not possess a personal vision, and actively pursue those things which elevate life from a mere existence to one of fulfillment. This also holds true in our expectations of others. In the end, is not all conflict the result of others not being as we wish them to be, or for situations no being what we desire? Such conflicts also arise within our selves as we aspire to fulfill the ambiguous wants of others, or sacrifice our dreams for fulfillment of a fabricated situation or life station. It is the difference between cooperating and doing for the sake of financial gain or out of fear, and doing for the sake of love and passion that is sincerely rooted in that which we strive toward. I do not want to live a life where I count down the days until the next "big thing". The "big thing" should always be now.

In the end, all stress is derived from those things described above. While there are no guarantees in life, we can nurture an pursue our passions. We may not always be happy with where things take us along the way - hardship, ridicule, etc., but, if one truly wishes to aspire to their goals and dreams, then at least a portion of that journey is available to us all. Of course, in doing so, we must always approach our path with a regard for others, but that does not mean that, at times, they will be hurt by our actions. Perhaps I am sounding more like Ayn Rand than I intend here. I suppose the simplest way of stating this is not to let naysayers block your way. Many of those who will attempt to do so often act out of their fear and unsettled state of being caused by neglecting that which you do. People possess a love-hate relationship with those who aspire to live the lives of dreams, partially from jealousy (hate) and admiration (love). In the end, this is of only as much significance as you allow it to be. Fear nothing. In the words of Nietzsche: "I teach you the Superman. Man is something to be overcome".

So, as my teacher training begins, I will not allow myself to become frustrated by others. I have no expectations of them, whether they are kindred spirits seeking something of great depth from their Yoga, or simply the latest Lululemon clad fashion diva to jump on the Yoga bandwagon. Like any experience, I will take from it as much as possible in the realm of the positive, and leave the negative on the side of the trail behind me. In the end, it is my choice to aspire to that of Nietzsche's Superman by continuously pushing and developing myself. In the end, mine is the only life I need worry about living. To each their own. I leave you with the immortal lyrics of the late reggae great, Peter Tosh:

"I AM THAT I AM"
I'm not in this world
To live up to your expectations
Neither are you here to live up to mine, yeah

I don't owe no one
No obligation
No I don't mean none
So everything is fine, fine

CHORUS
I said I am that I am
I am I am Iam
(4x)

Don't underestimate
My ability
Don't definate my character
Don't belittle
My authority
It is time you recognized my quality

CHORUS

Learn to love
To love your brother
Don't covet your neighbor

Flee from the city
It's getting shitty
It is full of out-a-quity(Inequity)

CHORUS

I am the rock of the ages
You cannot move I at all
I am the son of lightining
You cannot move I at all
Son of Jacob
Cannot move me at all
I am the son of Moses
You can't move I at all
I am the son of David
You cannot move I at all

I am a firm ripe diamond
You cannot move I at all
You could a shed more tears
You cannot move I at all

You could a full of evil
You cannot move I at all
You could a try more nuttin'
You cannot move I at all

And you can try make a something
That can't move I at all
And could a come with ism
You can't move I at all

And could come with skism
That can't move I at all 


Friday, August 05, 2011

Murders & Mountains


Despite my best of intentions, I've been remiss in making regular entries on this site during the summer holidays. It's been a combination of things that have resulted in my general scribbing lethargy: the infamous "honey-do" list supplied by my wife, lots of camping and Mountaineering, trying to improve my overall level of fitness and shed a few pounds from my aging frame and it's ever-slowing metabolism, immersing myself in a plethora of good books, etc. Ultimately: LIFE has intervened, and life is good.

...unless you live in Edmonton. You see, typically Canadians just don't kill each other as much as you would expect, given our general cultural Americanisation. In our fair town of approximately 1 million people, we would see an annual homicide rate in the area or 25-30 in previous years. Not this year, however. as we commence the eighth month of 2011, we presently sit at 34 murders, causing some of the sensationalist newspapers and FOX News wannabe stations to coin us "Deadmonton". (Just a side note: our Prairie town was first called "Deadmonton" by a British journalist some years back when he was here to cover some big event, making the reference to our lack of nightlife and attractions.) The mayor is giving guff to the Edmonton Police Service (after all, someone needs to be blamed) and one criminologist is stating the obvious that our oil-rich economy attracts lots of organised crime and, in a moment of hyperbole, that all Edmontonians walk around armed (if referring to upper limbs, I'm totally with him... weapons...no). Yes, we are a city rife with sensationalism and fear-mongering. But isn't that simply what most news reporting has become?

But now, let's pause for a deep Yoga breath and perspective, shall we?

Firstly, let us look at the majority of victims: most have been known to Police and lived lifestyles that often strayed into illegal activity and the occupational hazards therein. I am not stating that any of the victims who fall into this category deserved their fate, however, I must say that we all are personally responsible for our actions. Having worked as an Officer for 5 years in a maximum security prison personally, I saw a lot of sad stories and individual's train wrecks that certainly made one empathise with many of the inmates, but that did not negate their personal responsibility whatsoever. I'm not saying, either, that I do not care if bad people are killing bad people as there are always innocents caught in the crossfire (and one of our murders this year was a case of mistaken identity), but neither am I overly upset.

It is alleged by the Police that very few of this year's homicides are gang related. Many of the murders have happened at "parties" where those involved have been drinking or using drugs. I do not see how we can hold the Police responsible for controlling this as the majority of it is taking place in private homes and not out in the open. While we may criticise Police for not cracking down enough on the city's drug trade (I personally believe we should legalise all drugs - and, for the record, I've never tried drugs myself; not even pot - tax the dickens out of it, knock out the organised crime element and sink all the money spent on the Sisyphusian task of the war on drugs on education so that, when it comes to making choices, we can do so responsibly), there's far more to the picture. For example, alcohol - which I do enjoy in moderation and have consumed copious amounts of over my life - is legal. And what about the city's responsibility? You can walk into a mall and places that sell cigarettes must have their products veiled behind curtains and in drawers, while their display cases are full of hash pipes, bongs and other drug paraphernalia. Knives are also readily available in a number of shops, with little or no regulation on sales. What of the responsibility of our Correctional Services and funding to addictions programmes? What of the responsibility of the individual?

What truly scares me about the whole thing is that, with the media coverage and brewhaha, many of the gang banger wannabes around town will take it upon themselves to enhance this culture of killing and attempt to emulate it further. Sadly, this is how many of these baggy trousered idiots think. Not to beat up on the whole Hip Hop culture as there is a lot of positive stuff being produced, but one can not turn a blind eye to the influence it is having on today's youth. Again, having worked in a prison for half a decade, I can attest to this point.

So, is there any wonder why I seek the solitude of the mountains?

...at the point of this rather awkward segue, I might add that I am typing this with a broken finger; an injury incurred during a fall down a mountain. Fortunately, it is not one of the two fingers that I type with. It is, however, my middle finger and, living in a rough part of Deadmonton, I do worry that some hoodlum will perceive me as giving him the finger and, being the only unarmed Edmontonian, am living in perpetual hyberbolised terror.

The handle of Deadmonton is not fair, when it comes to living here from an activity perspective. We have a gorgeous river valley - one of the largest in the world - full of bike paths and trails and many wonderful festivals (most of which I don't attend because I don't like crowds or people). Yes, many know us as being the city with "The Mall" and the Oilers and Eskimos have their supporters. Elk Island National Park is a beautiful area full of bison, elk, moose, etc. with lots of trails, lakes and ponds. There are three things that kill me about Edmonton, though:

  1. Too many right wing conservatives and rednecks
  2. The insanely cold winters
  3. The proximity to anything (except Elk Island)
It is just over 300 km from Edmonton to the Rockies. Each summer I try to get to the Jasper area to do some hiking, scrambles, mountain biking, kayaking, camping, etc. It is an oasis of sorts amidst all that is Alberta. I do not mean to beat up on Alberta, but it is a place of fast money with a very right wing corporate culture. Much of what here is all pretty new - cities that sprawl with undistinguished suburbs and box stores. I admit, that Alberta is not what is wrong with Alberta, but, rather I am. I grew up in Nova Scotia which is a different kind of culture, and have lived quite a bit in Europe. I have different sensibilities, and would be a bit of a snob (which I admit to being) to impose my sense of culture on others. Being a vegetarian in the land of Alberta Beef says it all! Still, Jasper is a delight. It is rather rustic, in contrast to Banff, and, during the summer, filled with outgoing travelers who seek the hiking trails and mountain peaks which are plentiful in the vicinity.

The mountains offer me something of a spiritual experience, though I shudder at such terminology. I love the solitude and the overall sense of masochism and risks offered by the trails and climbs. While I would not say I'm completely anti-social, I don't really like people. That is to say, I do not deal well with superficial socialisation. Small-talk and introductions kill me, as does attempting to adhere to a proscribed role demanded by one's station in life. When I speak with someone, I want to have conversations with substance and honesty; discussions about books, ideas and the lot, or to play a game such as Chess or Carcassonne. I find many people tiresome - I know this sounds bad - because they are simply too busy with the tedium of their days and mindless distractions to truly live. Everyone needs a passion - film, Art, fishing - whatever! Sadly, many do not and have become complete bores and non-entities. In fact, Lord Byron said something to that effect: "society is but a flagrant horde, comprised of two tribes: the bores and the bored"...

...anyway, that was getting off track somewhat...

Right, where were we? Spiritual, masochism, risk. Right! I first read Frederich Nietzsche's "Thus Spoke Zarathustra" during my undergrad at Dalhousie University some twenty or so years ago. I was truly inspired by the Superman of which Freddy wrote. The writings instilled a sense to always push myself to the limit; a mantra that does not always end well as my multiple injuries over the year and required surgeries to fix stuff can attest! The mountains offer me the perfect arena to apply this notion (though I have tempered my exploits a bit with age and take a lot more time to enjoy the beauty of the whole place as a result of my many readings in the areas of Eastern Philosophy and Yoga texts): risk, testing one's mental resolve and physical ability.  This, for me, is an integral component of living. And, as an aside, though Nietzsche stated that "God is dead", their is no evidence to indicate it had anything to do with Deadmonton...

Some of the more memorable hikes this summer included a shot at the summit of Mt. Wilcox, and introducing my wife and daughter to the Wilcox Pass. I think that this is one of the loveliest areas around Jasper and one of my favourite scrambles and hikes. As you press near the end of July and early August, the alpine flowers are in full bloom and, for me, reminders of how life and beauty can exist in the harshest of conditions - a thought all to necessary to keep within one's perspective as part one of my ramblings will attest. A golden eagle soared overhead, ground squirrels ran about and one general gets back to a sense of basic instinct - the balance and being of existence. The battle between mind and body as you push yourself up the mountainside is a wonderful-but-masochistic duel within the self, rewarded with spectacular views of glaciers, meadow and mountains. Again, for me, this awakens a very basic sense of being and a simpler, primal self. This is why I love the mountains and what I do.

The mountains also enlighten us to our place and impact on the world as a whole. A site that brought me close to tears was when we were driving from our camp site into Jasper town and came upon a scene where a car had just struck a young black bear. The dying creature was laying in the middle of the road, and as I slowly drove up to the site, I saw its head move upwards along the ground in an arc, marked in blood on the asphalt from its snout, and, as I passed, saw the pool of blood under it's body and stared directly into what seemed to be lifeless eyes. I've seen a lot of horrible things in my life including murdered people and suicides, but this seemed to affect me on a deeper level. I know that sounds whacked, but it's the truth. Ultimately, it is a direct sign of how we are impacting our world and wildlife habitats, and far less subtle than the receding glaciers and extreme weather that seems to be direct results of humankind's impact on our planet. I'm not a radical environmentalist, but I do believe that we need to keep our sense of excess in check. This includes my personal desires to enter wildlife habitat - something I try to do with leaving a minimal trace.

The most epic trip (I feel so young and hip saying that) saw myself and a friend enter cougar habitat (the cat, not the woman) as we attempted, unsuccessfully, to summit Roch Miette. As this is my blog, I can state, unchallenged, that the reason we ended up in a rather nasty situation (resulting in my broken finger) was because my partner sent us up the wrong way. I say this in jest as it is a bit of a running gag between us... though I did trust his ability to correctly read the bloody scrambles book directions... Anyway, as we ascended the base of this mountain, it turned out (we realised after returning) we had taken the climbers route as opposed to the scramble. As a result, we ended up traversing a long and steep bowl that was covered in roundish limestone scree on a very hard pack. This is where the mountain teaches you about your personal mortality. Upon beginning our descent after failing to arrive at the summit, I ended up falling like a frieght train some 60m down the scree coated slope, attempting to self arrest with my hands (I did not have an mountaineering axe... but do now) and heels while arching my back so as to keep the slide in my pack as opposed to my bottom. I managed to stop myself by heeling into a fixed, larger rock, and it was at that point I realised that I had injured my finger (I believed it to be a jam or minor dislocation at the time, and it wasn't until I went to the doctor four days later and had it x-rayed that I discovered it was broken). Seconds after stopping, I felt a crack in the back of my neck, the result of being hit by a falling stone. My partner shouted out to me and, when I turned to face uphill, saw that I had caused a small rock slide and was pretty much frozen as I saw a rock about the size of a soccer ball come hurtling towards me, bouncing like a cricket ball bowled by a hell of a fast bowler, and veer off to my right. Needless to say, upon reaching town (after a beer) I purchased an alpinists helmet! I managed to work my way down from this point, rather gingerly, with abrasions all over and an a leg with pretty good road rash, bleeding like a bugger, to the treeline, only to see my partner go through the exact same deal. When I was going through the fall myself, I remember telling myself to stay calm and focus on what I needed to do. Watching my partner go through it was terrifying. Fortunately, he made it okay, despite shredding his pants, having a purple bum and sore thumb.

Which leaves us to the epic part - the stuff that you simply can not make up...

...So we finally arrived back to our truck some seven hours later and began to change from our sweaty, dusty garb into something more relaxing. This is in the middle of nowhere and rather secluded. My partner, a large man of Finnish heritage, was struggling to free his leg from his thermals, having got it caught on his foot, and asked my to assist. I, of course, obliged, and, with my one good hand, did my best to assist my partner who was hopping on one of his feet in an effort to maintain balance, while I attempted to pull the thermal free of his foot. It was then that I looked up and told my partner to look behind him. There we beheld two very attractive women dressed in surveying gear watching us. Unbelievable! My partner apologised, they smiled and that is the anticlimactic end to this tale. Craziness! Another teaching of the mountains....

The plan is to tackle Roch Miette next weekend in which will be, most likely, my last trip to Jasper this summer. My Yoga teacher training begins at the middle of the month and then I'm back to the classroom.

I imagine that I've lost most of my readers by now, so will come to an unconventional and abrupt ending, without even attempting the corniest of segues back to my murder theme. And so....