Masochistic Perceptions, Trials and Truths

2011-12-03T11:49:00.000-07:00

Yoga for PTSD

When I was a child, I had a pretty traumatic upbringing. My Mother would often beat me, abuse me psychologically by saying things such as she was going to kill herself by jumping off the bridge, and if I cried at her funeral she would haunt me until I died - this was at the age of 5. On my birthday, Christmas day, a drunk uncle held a loaded shotgun to my head. I was an overweight child, terrible at sports, and grew significant body hair all over upon hitting puberty, to the ridicule of many. I began to rebel as a punk rocker in my teens, but, through necessity, I joined the Navy later on so I could afford university. As a member of Generation X, life was hard as I did a variety of jobs to get by as I could not find work in my Educational field. One of those jobs saw me as become a Correctional Officer in a maximum security prison - a very difficult culture for me to adapt to as I am a very non-violent, altruistic individual who loves Art and Academics - where I was constantly exposed to trauma: riots, murders, suicides and suicide attempts, violence, etc.

In 2003 I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.War, cultural conflicts, crumbling family systems, natural disasters and financial difficulties are all playing a part in the rise of individuals affected by Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) in our society today. PTSD presents itself in a variety of ways: depression, anxiety, insomnia, fatigue, emotional numbing and volatility, intrusive thoughts, recurring nightmares, flashbacks, difficulty concentrating and efforts to avoid people, places, feelings, and events that evoke memories of the original trauma.Trauma survivors have a great need to find ways to work through their experiences and get a sense of meaning and understanding. While the majority of those who have experienced direct trauma or who have witnessed trauma can heal, even persons who do not develop full blown PTSD, will experience a number of the symptoms mentioned above.

There are a variety of treatments for those affected by PTSD. Psychologists assist PTSD patients identify the source of their trauma, provide coping skills to help one’s self when re-experiencing a trauma, understanding the physical side of PTSD, dealing with associated symptoms of PTSD and ways to regulate emotions. Many modern therapies are utilising Mindfulness meditation and applying concepts from Eastern Philosophy; primarily Buddhism and Taoism, as the platform for treating PTSD patients.

Yoga is another discipline coming from the Eastern cannon of Philosophy and Spirituality being used to treat PTSD, and the one that I have found to change my life. The practice of pranayama – Yoga breathing techniques – complements many of the strategies being used in sessions by psychologists as a way of calming the parasympathetic nervous system. With many PTSD sufferers, panic or anxiety attacks largely characterise their disorder as the “fight or flight” part of the body does not turn off when it is no longer required to keep the individual safe. The amigula, the part of the brain that regulates our body’s responses to danger, can be significantly affected by pranayama practice, re-setting one’s sensations back to a calmer state.

The practice of asana, – Yoga postures – can also assist PTSD patients to address PTSD symptoms by allowing them to give themselves permission to let go of worry, guilt and pain by focusing on the present moment and learning to accept that we are all where we are and that we are not our thoughts. Challenging asanas can assist in focusing the mind, while asanas requiring balance calm the mind. Asana affects posture, the central nervous system, massages internal organs and promotes the oxygenation of breath while flushing fresh blood into muscle tissue. While Yoga is not a quick fix, when the individual begins to maintain a regular practice and attempts to extend the Yoga techniques beyond his or her mat, the impact on their lives and condition as it relates to PTSD symptoms can be significant. This transformation comes through the simple re-acquaintance with one’s body.

I still suffer from PTSD symptoms, but am a far cry from the lows that I experienced over the past decade. In my present vocation, I teach in a special programme at the elementary school level. My students are grades 2-6 and have come from refugee camps, with no previous schooling and no English language skills. Every one of my students have been exposed to severe trauma, coming from the famine and civil war in Somalia, and now living in low-income Canadian neighbourhoods. Practicing what I preach, I have introduced Yoga and Meditation into my classroom with profound results. It is my hope that a collaboration project that I am presently involved in will eventual evolve into a piece that I can take to other schools to assist in the positive development of our youth who face a plethora of issues as they make sense of our modern world and try to find their place in it. Recognising the stress level on my colleagues, working with similar children, I also teach a weekly staff Yoga class.

In closing, I am at peace with myself and my past. While it appears terrible - and many aspects of it were - it is also what made me who I am today and has, if anything, encouraged me to be that change that Gandhi spoke of in the world. Life is what it is. I am grateful for my life, those around me and the opportunities I have had. I hope that, in sharing this piece, others will find a way to find peace and their way.

Credits:

Stankovic, L. Transforming Trauma, International Journal of Yoga Therapy, No. 21, 2011

Williams, Mary Beth, Soili, Poijula, The PTSD Workbook, New Harbinger Publications Inc., 2002

Wills, Denise Kersten, “Healing Life’s Traumas”, Yoga Journal, www.yogajournal.com/health/2532?print=1

Bessette, Alicia, “Soldier’s Heart”, Yoga International

2011-10-30T22:00:00.000-06:00

Do I Believe In A Divine Deity?

I've been fascinated by religion and philosophy for ages. Despite feeling that I am largely an existentialist and have no a belief in a god or gods per say, I have been finding a spiritual path of sorts, largely through my practice of Yoga (and I completely admit to being a Yoga zealot), and readings in the Hindu, Buddhist, Taoist, Pagan and Sikh traditions. These traditions have left me feeling that I am free to explore my spiritual nature and I have taken aspects from each, as well as the western cannon of Philosophy and Psychology, to form the present day working document of my beliefs. Certainly, I have given thought to the teachings of Christianity and Islam as well, however, I found their rigidity, vagueness, demands of obedience and leaps of faith to be too much for what I can accept from where I stand. There are wonderful teachings of peace and ideas of how to lead a spiritual life in Islam and Christianity, but the dogmatic nature of these faiths simply are not for me. Friedrich Nietzsche wrote: “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.” This is how I see life - a subjective journey where change remains the only constant and, ultimately, all the elements for inner peace and internal chaos co-exist. It is how these elements arrange and manifest in the moment, and how we handle their manifestation that creates our reality and state of being. Nietzsche also wrote: “I teach you the Superman. Man is something that should be overcome.” While not intending to be elitist, I do believe in making life a journey of transformation, but understand that this may not look the same in the mind's of others. And so I try to live by the words of Mahatma Gandhi: “Be the change you want to see in the world.”

So, yes, all faiths allow one to seek a spiritual path through a belief system, senses of morality and sense of the divine; some with more guidance and restrictions than others.Bringing us to the ultimate part of all this - moving from the thought and action to the existence of things like a supreme conscious universal being- (G)god(s) and souls/spirits.

There is energy that runs through all things on the planet - Science shows us this: electrical synapses and currents in the brain cause us to experience everything that we experience. Movement is energy and, in order to posses energy to move, we eat, draw from the sun, etc., and we exert that energy back into other things which our exertions, music, sexual intercourse and pregnancy, body heat, etc. Energy is stimulated when we sing or chant "Om" - resinating vibrations throughout our system, knocking the gunk out of our internal structure and forcing vibrations strong enough to shatter glass and ripple water. Rocks, water - all things possess energy and conduct it. Energy runs through all things.

In the Yogic traditions, they have called this prana or kundalini, and Yogis seek to manipulate the control of these things through the body (you may have heard of the Seven Chakras or Five Koshas) and to link them back out into the universe. There's something to be said about energy and how it may be manipulated to a noticeable effect. Certainly after doing a few moments of deep pranayama (big belly breaths) breathing with my Elementary and Middle-school students in the past, even they could pick up on the noticeable drop in the classroom's energy levels from stressed and hyper to serene. During Yoga and meditation, even a first time practitioner can notice a significant change in their bodies on an energy and, oftentimes, emotional level, and this can become the pursuit of one's life's meaning. Again, the co-existence of internal bliss and chaos are elements seeded within us all and of the nature of being fleeting. Thus, we may work to master our energy, however impermanence is the nature of all in life - we may experience orgasms beyond dreams and suffering that presses us to the brink of suicide - but both sensations, which are massive energetic manifestations, will not last forever.

Our mind is a chemical soup mixed with organic solids that, through the synapse, create all that we experience. The five senses, the cue for your heart to beat, all of those things are electrical signals. What alludes me in my sense of the divinity of this force lies in this energy's intelligence or potential consciousness beyond the self. We shed and gain new energy all of the time. Ultimately, there is a unification of thought and self maintained throughout all of this in life in our consciousness. The question is, when the brain dies with the body, does this prana, kundalini, life force, holy spirit or whetever you chose to lable it, disperse or remain largely intact, either moving into the cells of something newly created or mixing with other universal elements (god?) and continue an eternity of manifestation and altering form?

Then there is breath. Breath, of course, sustains life. Pranayama, Kapalabhati and Ujjayi are just three types of Yoga breathing in Yoga that, when practiced, have immediate affects on the body. Likewise there is mindfulness meditation through Buddhism and prayer in general in other faiths.The breath connects us to our selves and to one another. We all breathe the same air, and, odds are, the air that is in your lungs now, keeping you alive, consists of the breath of billions of others, past and present. Perhaps you have a few respiratory drops of Gandhi, Lady Gaga, Charlie Sheen, Hitler or Mother Theresa in you right now. I worked for years in a maximum security prison and shudder to think of the negativity I must have ingested, but I've also been in proximity to many incredible people, so I'm hoping it all balances out karmic-ally. When we breath in, that O2 enters our blood stream and circulates around our entire body, nurturing each cell, cleaning out cellular byproducts and then releases them with an exhalation out into the universe. So, you can see, that even Science shows that we are connected on a very deep level - penetrated down to the life of every cell in our body.The same principles, of course, include that which we eat and drink as well.

So, between the breath, and synaptic/electric charge that unites all things, the question remains as to the intellectual nature of this universal life force. This world/universe is an incredibly complex creation which, in my opinion, will never truly be explained in terms to how things came into being. I shy away from the notions of intelligent design, thinking more in the area of pure miraculous evolution and adaptations. I see our human selves to be creature capable of limitless potential and think a large part of that promise can be found through Yoga and working with Prana and Kundalini (enter, Feddy's "Superman"). This is a difficult sell as many do not understand Yoga, holding limited interpretations based on modern Yoga trends and magazines which seem to be more about work-outs, fashion and the odd feel good phrase (hey - I stated clearly that I'm a Yoga Zealot!), and, you are right: simply stretching ain't gonna bring the light. Yoga, for those interested in following this point up for their own interest, is truly a way of life (but not necessarily the way for all) and, is not just about a 1 hour class of stretching and breathing on a Yoga mat, followed by a Caramel Macchiato at the local Starbucks while cloaked in the latest of the Lululemon line. That can all be great and lead to happiness. It's just not what Yoga is about - nor is Yoga about Moksha Hot Yoga Inc., Birkram trying to copyright asanas and treating Yogi's like Gurmukh as a celebrity (went to two seesions this week with Gurmukh Kaur Khalsa, and, while I'm very interested in pursuing Kundilini Yoga much further, I was sickened by the whole rock-star billing of the night. Not to insult Gurmukh's teachings as she has given much to Yoga and I'm certain she has her merits, but I thought her presentation was well below the standards I would expect from a seasoned guru of her stature. Again though, loved the practice)... and I personally love Starbucks - tall Americano...MMMMmmm!

Yoga consists of Eight limbs (written by Mara Carrico):

In Patanjali's Yoga Sutra, the eightfold path is calledashtanga, which literally means "eight limbs" (ashta=eight,anga=limb). These eight steps basically act as guidelines on how to live a meaningful and purposeful life. They serve as a prescription for moral and ethical conduct and self-discipline; they direct attention toward one's health; and they help us to acknowledge the spiritual aspects of our nature.

Yama

The first limb, yama, deals with one's ethical standards and sense of integrity, focusing on our behavior and how we conduct ourselves in life. Yamas are universal practices that relate best to what we know as the Golden Rule, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." The five yamas are:

Ahimsa: nonviolence

Satya: truthfulness

Asteya: nonstealing

Brahmacharya: continence

Aparigraha: noncovetousness

Niyama

Niyama, the second limb, has to do with self-discipline and spiritual observances. Regularly attending temple or church services, saying grace before meals, developing your own personal meditation practices, or making a habit of taking contemplative walks alone are all examples of niyamas in practice.

The five niyamas are:

Saucha: cleanliness

Samtosa: contentment

Tapas: heat; spiritual austerities

Svadhyaya: study of the sacred scriptures and of one's self

Isvara pranidhana: surrender to God

(Credit: http://www.yogajournal.com/basics/158?page=2)

Asana.

Asanas, the postures practiced in yoga, comprise the third limb. In the yogic view, the body is a temple of spirit, the care of which is an important stage of our spiritual growth. Through the practice of asanas, we develop the habit of discipline and the ability to concentrate, both of which are necessary for meditation.

Pranayama

Generally translated as breath control, this fourth stage consists of techniques designed to gain mastery over the respiratory process while recognizing the connection between the breath, the mind, and the emotions. As implied by the literal translation of pranayama, "life force extension," yogis believe that it not only rejuvenates the body but actually extends life itself. You can practicepranayama as an isolated technique (i.e., simply sitting and performing a number of breathing exercises), or integrate it into your daily hatha yoga routine.

These first four stages of Patanjali's ashtanga yoga concentrate on refining our personalities, gaining mastery over the body, and developing an energetic awareness of ourselves, all of which prepares us for the second half of this journey, which deals with the senses, the mind, and attaining a higher state of consciousness.

Pratyahara

Pratyahara, the fifth limb, means withdrawal or sensory transcendence. It is during this stage that we make the conscious effort to draw our awareness away from the external world and outside stimuli. Keenly aware of, yet cultivating a detachment from, our senses, we direct our attention internally. The practice of pratyahara provides us with an opportunity to step back and take a look at ourselves. This withdrawal allows us to objectively observe our cravings: habits that are perhaps detrimental to our health and which likely interfere with our inner growth.

Dharana

As each stage prepares us for the next, the practice of pratyahara creates the setting fordharana, or concentration. Having relieved ourselves of outside distractions, we can now deal with the distractions of the mind itself. No easy task! In the practice of concentration, which precedes meditation, we learn how to slow down the thinking process by concentrating on a single mental object: a specific energetic center in the body, an image of a deity, or the silent repetition of a sound. We, of course, have already begun to develop our powers of concentration in the previous three stages of posture, breath control, and withdrawal of the senses. In asana and pranayama, although we pay attention to our actions, our attention travels. Our focus constantly shifts as we fine-tune the many nuances of any particular posture or breathing technique. In pratyahara we become self-observant; now, in dharana, we focus our attention on a single point. Extended periods of concentration naturally lead to meditation.

Dhyana

Meditation or contemplation, the seventh stage of ashtanga, is the uninterrupted flow of concentration. Although concentration (dharana) and meditation (dhyana) may appear to be one and the same, a fine line of distinction exists between these two stages. Where dharana practices one-pointed attention, dhyana is ultimately a state of being keenly aware without focus. At this stage, the mind has been quieted, and in the stillness it produces few or no thoughts at all. The strength and stamina it takes to reach this state of stillness is quite impressive. But don't give up. While this may seem a difficult if not impossible task, remember that yoga is a process. Even though we may not attain the "picture perfect" pose, or the ideal state of consciousness, we benefit at every stage of our progress.

Samadhi

Patanjali describes this eighth and final stage of ashtanga as a state of ecstasy. At this stage, the meditator merges with his or her point of focus and transcends the Self altogether. The meditator comes to realize a profound connection to the Divine, an interconnectedness with all living things. With this realization comes the "peace that passeth all understanding"; the experience of bliss and being at one with the Universe. On the surface, this may seem to be a rather lofty, "holier than thou" kind of goal. However, if we pause to examine what we really want to get out of life, would not joy, fulfillment, and freedom somehow find their way onto our list of hopes, wishes, and desires? What Patanjali has described as the completion of the yogic path is what, deep down, all human beings aspire to: peace. We also might give some thought to the fact that this ultimate stage of yoga—enlightenment—can neither be bought nor possessed. It can only be experienced, the price of which is the continual devotion of the aspirant.

(credit: http://www.yogajournal.com/basics/158?page=2 )

In the end, as Pascal's Wager states: "It does not matter whether or not I believe God exists". This rings true as what I think and feel is prone to change and the impacts of my thoughts simply lend themselves to the impermanence of all things - speaking from my Existentialist mind. Again, I echo what Nietzsche wrote: “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.” In the end, I endeavour to nurture that connection within myself, to those around me and with the greater universe as a whole in a positive manner. No matter our path, it is our intent that truly defines us. As Guru Nanak stated: "Owing to ignorance of the rope the rope appears to be a snake; owing to ignorance of the Self the transient state arises of the individualized, limited, phenomenal aspect of the Self." As we look inside we may see several different things. The important thing is that we find a way to make this looking viable and fruitful. In closing, to support Guru Nanak's thoughts, here are the first few lines from Pantanjali's Yoga Sutras - the bases of the sutures that sew and stitch together that sense of self and universal discovery, while liberating one's self from our thoughts, connecting to the divine self in the Yogic tradition. In yoga it is the direct experience from practice, which educates our beliefs. Our beliefs must conform to experiential "reality", not the other way around. When our extrinsic view of the world corresponds to how it truly is-as-it-is (swarupa-sunyam), then the view and reality are synched in a profound mutuality acting as mutual synergists. Something clicks, a palpable shift occurs, and one experiences harmony, true happiness, and peace. Through body/mind integration, love, beauty, and wisdom manifests through the yogi in action .

1.1 Now, instruction in Union.

1.2. Union is restraining the thought-streams natural to the mind.

1.3. Then the seer dwells in his own nature.

1.4. Otherwise he is of the same form as the thought-streams.

1.5. The thought-streams are five-fold, painful and not painful.

Om Shanti

2011-10-23T18:05:00.001-06:00

Progress

One can not deny that human beings have made significant progress over the ages. We live in a world where we can fly, transplant organs and cure disease, access information in a matter of seconds and have such marvels and wonders as indoor plumbing, refrigerators, duct tape and so on. It is certainly an age of conveniences, technological advancements and wonder.

Perhaps the most incredible part about many of life's daily "givens" is how unimaginable they were not a very long time ago. In my 43 years I've witnessed the video phones dreamed up on The Jetsons become a reality through Skype. Don Adam's character on Get Smart has seen the concept of the portable shoe phone become today's Androids and iPhones with apps to bend the brain in wonder! Can you imagine a world without such things? It would be difficult. Yet, I remember living in a time when these things were the works of Science Fiction.

Is it not incredible how such recent developments have become habituated and have formed the nucleus of present day society, particularly in the areas of communication? How is it that such ways of life, with such a brief time in contemplation and diversion from the "norm", have become accepted, while ideas of human rights and freedoms, which are ideas that have existed for thousands of years, have still not be adopted by the world at large? We accept technology as it can make life easier and many things convenient. Would not peace and equality not afford us a greater convenience - a life without fear, hate, etc.? We have put the Internet and cell phones into every corner of the world, but continue to oppress and discriminate. We invest more in war than education and healthcare. The oppression of women, child labour, executions of homosexuals in countries like Iran, exploitation and "killing in the name of" under the veil of religions of love re-play their tragic tale over and over again. Our communities are changing in ways that are leaving many feeling empty - where qualitative interaction is being replaced by less substantial sound bites and tweets. Where is our progress in the area that matters the most - our communities, civilisation and our selves?

Our world is changing and my existence is one so brief that I am in no place to state whether things are getting better or worse. I am simply posing the question and making an observation; seeking my own sense of this progress.

2011-10-15T19:48:00.000-06:00

Age of Aquarius on Wall Street, Walking on Yoga Mats and Rocking in Unison With Our iPods on Full Blast

The Age of Aquarius is supposed to commence on November 11th, 2011 - an age of a more completed enlightenment, breaking free of the wheels set in motion by the Industrial Revolution and authoritarian rule, while striving for a more holistic and emotional based way of living. It is a lovely notion, but, unfortunately, my faith in such a global revolution is non-existent. Across Canada today and around the world, thousands rallied in support of the Occupy Wall Street movement, demanding a cessation to the corporate domination of governments and absolute rule. Perhaps it is cynical to point out that much of this counter-corporate movement has been coordinated through the use of iPhones, Androids and a plethora of things sold to us by the dragon they wish to slay.

Things will change - this is one of the only certainties in life. But just as the uprisings in countries such as Egypt, Syria, Libya and the like are under the banner of freedom and democracy, we know that the likelihood of success is limited as the people in those countries lack the educational and social foundations for such a revolution to be a success. A gradual transition and global support is the only path to realising such dreams, and this will always be shaded by the ulterior motives of... well... the corporations and the governments that they are in cahoots with.

The same principles apply to this anti-corporate movement made popular now in the West. Sadly, I believe that many people protesting today were motivated by the desire to be part of a movement made fashionable by the media and celebrities. It is like the armies of Yogis you see walking through the streets with their mats rolled up and decked out from head to toe in Lululemon garb - the magazines full of advice on how to "simply be" and "simply live" alongside elaborate Yoga holiday destinations, overpriced supplements and fashions which cost an arm and leg (i.e. a correction in this month's Yoga Journal stated that so-and so's dress cost $495 - OUTRAGEOUS! Yoga simplicity Inc. to the nines!!!!). That is not Yoga, it is fashion and watered down physicality. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad it's getting people moving, and it might send the odd person down the real path of Yoga, but THAT is not Yoga. I do not intend to sound negative or preachy here, but I feel like this must be a point clearly made - a bit like telling someone that yes, that looks like a stick, but it's really a crocodile!

If people truly want to end the corporate domination of all things, then it needs to come from one's changing of personal consumption habits. The fact is we have a choice, most of the time, of what we will buy or not buy. Accompanied this fact is another: corporations make money through what people buy and the contracts they make with governments that, in the West, we supposedly elect. This latter part is, logistically, the most difficult, though most people will find the immediacy of the former, myself included, to be the most taxing.

We live in a disposable culture of virtual this and that and perpetual upgrades. I love my iPod and the fact that I can carry most of the music I own on a small device. I love the fact that there are computers that allow for people to email and post their thoughts. And while the world laments the passing of Apple's Steve Job's and can not deny his brilliance and how much his products have changed our lives, he is a prime example of how certain corporations have made us their bitches. Look at the line-ups when the next new iPad or iPhone comes out. It seems to be a very costly routine every 6 months to year. Are they truly that much better and that necessary? I have owned a computer - PC - since about 1996. My basic use over that time has been email, the Internet, word processing and Powerpoint. Recently, I can add YouTube, e-books and iTunes to my list. Overall, while graphics, ease and speed have improved vastly over the past 15 years or so, does the perpetual upgrading of machines truly represent this progress? Personally, I don't think so. Yet, like it or not, every 4 or 5 years, one's machine becomes dated because of the technologies, and we need to fork out for another. That is painful as a family, but a killer when you reflect on the businesses, schools and other services all forced to upgrade. Again, does the bang match the bucks spent?

As for the political side of things... well, simply look around. In my country there is not leadership and low voter turnout. In the US, Obama gave us hope and the rest blocked any progress or success he might have achieved, flouting their Tea Party and suggesting that a total moron like Sarah Palin is the way of the future as walking in the the whole Creationist mentality toward the Rapture - something that does not sound quite so warm and fuzzy as the Age of Aquarius!

In the end, despite our lust for fireworks and a good rhythm sounding strong from the drum, this will result only in shattered glass, leaving us to pick up the shards. The true revolution will be one of subtle personal decisions in our day to day lives. We have become a culture, in the West, that no longer know of any other way than our present manner of living. To change, we need to gradually make modifications on how we do things, prioritise accordingly, and hopefully realise that organic relationships trump the materialism and attempts to purchase pleasure and happiness. Perhaps the Age of Aquarius will slowly manifest as week seek a deeper state of being and try to understand our selves and our place/purpose. It is a taxing undertaking and, in our present state of convenience, will dissuade the majority from proceeding down this particular path. In the end, however, life is your journey to take. The corporations can never own that, though they masquerade as they might. In this - our selves - lies our emancipation and peace; the ultimate revolution.

2011-08-25T19:13:00.000-06:00

Yoga Made My Body Dance
...Read on, this is not as cheesy as it sounds!

The one week intensive part of my 200 hour Yoga Teacher certification programme wraps up (no pun intended) tomorrow. I've thoroughly enjoyed this week, despite all my apprehensions prior to starting. There are noticable changes that I am finding in myself, which a week in such an environment with others will cause. In the evenings, I do not know if I'm mentally exhausted, or merely experiencing myself minus the normal anxious energy that keeps me running. Could this be relaxation that I'm experiencing? It's strange, and I'm not certain how much I like it. With my wife and daughter being over in England for a family wedding, I feel as though I've undertaken some form of monastic retreat, being with my Yoga classmates during the day, and then being at home alone in the evenings with only my two dogs and cat for company. I have not really spoken to anyone outside of this for the past week, save for the odd email, Facebook stuff and a couple of phone calls. I feel a strong sense of detachment and a slight heaviness.

With tomorrow's conclusion (though we will still meet as a class once per month for the weekends through January to complete our 200 hours), I feel quite sad. Going each day, and the routine established has been most pleasant. I feel as though I've really connected with many people in my class, and have a genuine fondness for every one of them; very strange for me as more often than not, I usually do not feel like I connect well in larger groups. The sense one feels at the end of a holiday or a summer camp is what I am feeling; in a way, it is very much a feeling of loss. But, in the end, such emotions only stress the necessity to enjoy every moment of your life and to appreciate those that you are with as nothing does stay the same. I certainly felt that when I bid adieu to my colleagues at my old school this June, as I move on to my new position. I feel fortunate to have known and to know many of the wonderful people that I do.

As reflected in previous entries that I have made on this site, it took me a long time to register for this course. I never do very well with joining things, for a variety of reasons. Do I wish that I had done this sooner? Definitely not, as it would have been a completely different experience and with a completely different group. I think that I will always look back at this group of people much like I do on folks with whom I have experienced a lot with: university, basic training in the Navy, Correctional Officer training, etc. Intensity forges bonds much like high temperatures forges formidable steel. To continue with this imagery, this experience has made me "strike while the iron is hot"....

... To preface this, let me say that I am not a very graceful man. I was a lineman when I played Football, a forward when I played Rugby and a shield man on the tactical team in the prison. It would be an overstatement of my grace to say that I was as eloquent as a bison humping a camel on a frozen pond after an oil spill. The only dancing I have ever truly embraced was slam-dancing back in my Punk Rock days of the mid 1980's. Get the picture?

I have resolved to try to take life a little less seriously and see if I can not lessen the intensity that stress and anxiety take on me. This is the first part. Secondly, I have quite an open fetish for Bollywood films. I know, Bollywood films are longer than a Cricket test match matineed with a German Opera festivals over the tea breaks. They are very, very silly. They possess everything: romance, action, humour, political statements and spirituality in each one. Some are so bad that they are great - like "The Sound of Music" (a film I love) on steroids! The best part of Bollywood is, most definitely, the singing and dancing.

So, in a moment of the Yoga version of Dutch courage, I registered for a six week, one hour Bollywood dance class at the studio where I am taking my Yoga. I've joked about this for a while with others, but never had the opportunity to be there in the spot where dance classes were being offered, and having the teacher encouraging me to do this (it is a bit like getting drunk and a tattoo without really thinking about it I suppose in several ways... or when a colleague of mine convinced me to have my back waxed - she must have really hated me!). So, I thought about it. Then I put it on Facebook that I was thinking about it. After the response of many of my friends, there was pretty much no turning back. I figure after playing my guitar and singing in front of others both on my own and as part of my old Celt-punk band, PLAID FLAG - areas where I am not rich or abundant in talents - that I would have to find the next "high" of insane things for me to do in public. I am already feeling the mortification of it all (in fact, we've danced a few times in my Yoga class and I am so awkward and brutal that I cringe thinking of it). Needless to say, the "Masochist" in the title of this blog is most applicable, yes? Oh yes! Certainly living up to the mantra on my leg tattoo (which was very well thought out before committing to it): "Life is a daring adventure or nothing".

I also hope to learn to play the tabla over the winter when my broken finger is healed... though this will be a far less humiliating and much safer undertaking (appropriate word as I die of stage fright!). New things are good, and, sometimes, you need to truly exceed your comfort zone... in my opinion, anyway.

That is essentially where life finds me on this warm summer's evening. Life goes on and I feel fortunate for what I have experienced. Life is good. That's all I've got.

2011-08-23T20:20:00.000-06:00

Centering Narrative

By Ed Meers

Written as a Grounding & Centering assignment for Yoga Teacher Training Certification course

***Please note: unless indicated otherwise, take a 10 second pause between each break

***Approximate duration: 5 minutes

Lie down on your back in Savasana, the corpse pose.

As you lie there, allow your body to relax and sink down into your mat, feeling the earth cradling and supporting your body as you prepare for today’s practise. (20 second pause)

Observe how good it feels to be here, letting go of all those things your mind has been busy with leading up to this moment, giving yourself permission to take this time for yourself, and know that there is no other place you need to be right now – everything you need is right here.

It feels so good with the earth supporting you. It reminds us that as long as we are able to lie above the ground and enjoy these sensations, that we are alive and have this moment to feel, to be ourselves without the weight of the expectations of others, and to seek the sacred connection we all share with the greater whole.

Now draw your attention to the breath. Simply observe your inhalations and exhalations, perhaps taking note as to where you feel your breath the most. Perhaps it is through the nose, in the throat or in the chest area. Do not judge the breath, simply be the watcher.

Perhaps, if visualisation helps you to establish focus, imagine the swirl of your breath as it courses through your body and leaves like the steam of your breath into the atmosphere on a cold winter’s day, gently rolling and dispersing into the atmosphere. Again, you are an integral part of the whole; of the universe... the coolness of each inhalation, and the warmth of the exhalation.

Now, as you lie there, bring your gaze inward and note the sensations of the body. What is your body telling you? Simply observe without judgment (20 second pause)

On your next inhalation, see if you can breathe into the belly area. If it helps, you can place your hands on your abdomen, and breathe into them, filling the belly as if it were a balloon.

See if you notice your hands moving. Perhaps they are moving apart on the inhalation, and coming together again as you exhale, pushing the breath outwards, using the diaphragm and sensing the naval as it travels back toward the spine, feeling the pleasant warmth of your body under your palms.

Now move your hands up to the rib cage area. As you do this, imagine your breath to be like a wave, gently rolling from the belly, up into your middle and lungs, ebbing and flowing. Can you feel your ribs and hands expanding out through the sides? Allow this wave to gently rock back and forth, from the belly, up and back again, massaging the internal organs. Again, observe the rhythm and soft cadence of this movement without judging.

Slide your hands up onto your chest area now, allowing the fingers to feel the area above the collar bone. See if you are able to continue the wave of breath, on an inhalation toward the upper part of your lungs, and then as it returns on its journey back toward the belly.

Try to lengthen your inhalations and exhalations now. You may want to count as you inhale slowly to four, pausing briefly at the top of the breath, and then follow for another four count through to the bottom of the breath.

Continue this breathing pattern, tracing the rise and fall of the breath with your senses, for another three cycles. (25 second pause)

On the next exhalation, allow the breath to travel freely, on its own accord once more. As you are doing this, again, check in with your body. See if you can notice any changes to the breath or how your body feels. Are you feeling more relaxed? Has your body yielded itself further into the earth’s embrace? Do you have the sensation of the universe’s energy cleansing and easing your body; your mind? (30 second pause)

At this time, begin to bring sensation back into your body. You can wiggle your fingers and toes if you like – whatever feels comfortable for you.

Stretch out the body if that feels good, and prepare for your asana practise, remaining mindful of the awareness and connections that you have created, and of how good the breath feels in your body.

2011-08-22T21:48:00.000-06:00

Jack Layton: For the Man Who Inspired

It was very sad to wake up this morning and to learn that Jack Layton, leader of Canada's official opposition party, the NDP, had died from cancer. Even if you are not a party stalwart like myself, no one can take away from the fact that Mr. Layton endevoured to bring about change in this country by championing the causes of families and the working class, pressing for a greener Canada and a general advocate for peace on all levels. For this, whether you agreed with his politics or not, he must be given our respect and gratitude.

Reflecting on one of the reasons I have enrolled in my present Yoga teacher training, it is because I want to be someone who also advocates for peace, social justice and well-being, like Mr. Layton. At times, it feels quite self-indulgent to undertake such things when we live in a world where there are people starving, living in poverty, suffering social injustices and illness. Certainly, giving the tuition I have spent to charity and the amount of time I spend on my mat to volunteering might be more impactful for my community and the greater world. I think on this a lot. In fact, this year I had applied to volunteer with Project Overseas, unsuccessfully, unfortunately, to volunteer as a teacher overseas during the summer in a Third World country. I would gladly devote my time to such things. As a school teacher, I do give a considerable amount of my waking hours to my position, though for financial benefit as well as following my calling. Then there are responsibilities to my family - my wife and daughter, friends. Little time remains.

There, in fact, that is what is called Karma Yoga. Most people, when they think of Yoga - including many who think that they are practicing it - think of the asanas or "postures", and, to a lesser extent pranayama or breathing exercises and meditation. Karma Yoga is all about doing "good deeds".In truth, Yoga has many "off the mat" aspects and is a way of living, not just an exercise. I suppose that I justify my participation in this course as a way to try to understand myself and become more together (Yoga means to "yoke" or "union") so that I may be a more effective instrument in bringing about positive change and, to use an overused quotation from Gandhi, to "be the change [I] wish to see in the world". If I can find a way to inner peace and better sense of my place in the greater order of things, then perhaps I will be able to be the catalyst for another's catharsis, and, like a pyramid marketing scheme, that will spread throughout the world, and army of good intentions (but NOT door banging evangelical types!) making it that little bit better and affecting positive change through their actions and choices to live harmoniously, compassionately and responsibly.

Jack Layton inspires me. I was asked by Ray Martin, former head of the Alberta NDP and candidate for a federal party in the Spring election, while helping out with his campaign, if I would be interested in running for the Party as a candidate either provincially or federally. I replied that I did not really see me as being suited to politics, as I tend to be rather blunt with my opinions which isn't so good for towing the party line, dealing with the media or pleasing spin doctors (and let's face it - once the media got a hold of some of my writings, they would have a field day!). Still, it is a thought that I have given to a bit of light musing. Really, if Sarah Palin.... e-hem.... Ultimately, to work with others who were battling our current social apathy would make for good company and the idea of having a direct line to the big guy in terms of voicing my opinions would be...interesting. Can you see it? Eddiebabaji MP? In all seriousness, I wonder what I will do with all of my "experiences - the teaching, writing, music, etc - in my life....?

In the end, this is a time to reflect on many things: Mr. Layton's legacy, mortality, etc. Most importantly, to express condolences to the Layton family and offer our gratitude for the sacrifices and services rendered. May this be his lasting light and the spark of our aspirations of betterment for all. Thank you Jack. You did good.

2011-08-20T19:29:00.000-06:00

Summer Winding Down :(

While the weather was pretty much crap this summer around my neck of the woods, I still managed to enjoy the holidays. Here's a wee montage of some of what I've been doing since the end of June... and what I've done to myself from a scrapes, bruising and fracture perspective. Most of all, a massive thank you to my family and friends who indulge and sometimes participate in my undertakings. Most importantly, thank you to those who will become disciples of EDDIEBABAJI! :P

2011-08-20T18:49:00.000-06:00

Two Days Down

With two days of my Yoga Teacher Training course behind me, I must say that I am truly enjoying it. My classmates appear to be in this course for reasons similar to mine, as opposed to simply joining the fad of Yoga that is engulfing North America - a sincere fear I held in registering myself as I did not want this to be "that" kind of Yoga training. Like myself, many of them express self-doubt and fears about taking this training as Yoga is such a massive scope to take in. This is a direct indication of humbleness and respect for Yogic tradition.

When you begin to get serious about the whole Yoga and self-discovery thing, there's certainly plenty that arises that can leave you feeling uncomfortable and insecure - much like doing renovations where you tear out a lot of old stuff - stuff containing both fond and unpleasant memories in a lot of cases - to build something sturdy and new. Certainly, spending these eight consecutive days, followed by six, three day weekends with like minded people possessing an intense internal focus can open up a whole lot of personal issues. Needless to say, such a group will forge formidable and significant bonds. I must say that I feel particularly insecure about this as I am the only man in the class of 18. On an energy level it is quite interesting, but it does press my comfort zone to the point of feeling rather vulnerable. Despite my extrovert appearance, I am very introverted for the most part. Placing trust in such a group is quite an adventure, and I am amazed at how much we have all shared after such a short period of time. I guess that says something about sangha and instincts.

Over many conversations with my classmates, there seems to be a mutual feeling that much of the mainstream Yoga is going the way of greed and elitism, and it can take away from the more simplistic Yoga experience. Again, this is something I appreciate and am grateful for. Though these acquaintances are in their infancy, I feel that many of these people will take this sentiment into their teaching, and hopefully keep the true spark of Yoga alive long past when the present flare of fashionable and financial Yoga is extinguished in North America.

...and so tomorrow: day #3.

2011-08-18T15:16:00.001-06:00

Give and Take

I will begin my 200 hour Yoga Teacher Certification course tomorrow. Tending toward nervousness, many things are running through my mind as I prepare for this next step in the development of my knowledge as a Yogi. This is a serious undertaking on my part, as I have elaborated at length in previous posts about my Yoga and life philosophies, as well as my feelings about the affects of Yoga's popularity upon its modern practice. A part of me is an eager student ready to learn, while also harbouring feelings of "buying in" to the whole Yoga fad, and fears of disappointment. Yoga holds a deep meaning for me - sacred in a non-theistic sense - as it is my passion and my survival tool. In the end, much like my life's philosophy, which is compiled of several philosophical, spiritual and psychological schools of thought, I will approach this with an open mind and take from it, that which suits me, while abandoning those portions which do not sit will with my vision.

The ability to give and take is something I hope to nurture and develop this year. So often we become conflicted by shelving those things we wish to be and are desirous of doing, for courting acceptance and attaining status. The simple fact is that confidence is a product of such expectations and easily eroded if one does not possess a personal vision, and actively pursue those things which elevate life from a mere existence to one of fulfillment. This also holds true in our expectations of others. In the end, is not all conflict the result of others not being as we wish them to be, or for situations no being what we desire? Such conflicts also arise within our selves as we aspire to fulfill the ambiguous wants of others, or sacrifice our dreams for fulfillment of a fabricated situation or life station. It is the difference between cooperating and doing for the sake of financial gain or out of fear, and doing for the sake of love and passion that is sincerely rooted in that which we strive toward. I do not want to live a life where I count down the days until the next "big thing". The "big thing" should always be now.

In the end, all stress is derived from those things described above. While there are no guarantees in life, we can nurture an pursue our passions. We may not always be happy with where things take us along the way - hardship, ridicule, etc., but, if one truly wishes to aspire to their goals and dreams, then at least a portion of that journey is available to us all. Of course, in doing so, we must always approach our path with a regard for others, but that does not mean that, at times, they will be hurt by our actions. Perhaps I am sounding more like Ayn Rand than I intend here. I suppose the simplest way of stating this is not to let naysayers block your way. Many of those who will attempt to do so often act out of their fear and unsettled state of being caused by neglecting that which you do. People possess a love-hate relationship with those who aspire to live the lives of dreams, partially from jealousy (hate) and admiration (love). In the end, this is of only as much significance as you allow it to be. Fear nothing. In the words of Nietzsche: "I teach you the Superman. Man is something to be overcome".

So, as my teacher training begins, I will not allow myself to become frustrated by others. I have no expectations of them, whether they are kindred spirits seeking something of great depth from their Yoga, or simply the latest Lululemon clad fashion diva to jump on the Yoga bandwagon. Like any experience, I will take from it as much as possible in the realm of the positive, and leave the negative on the side of the trail behind me. In the end, it is my choice to aspire to that of Nietzsche's Superman by continuously pushing and developing myself. In the end, mine is the only life I need worry about living. To each their own. I leave you with the immortal lyrics of the late reggae great, Peter Tosh:

"I AM THAT I AM"
I'm not in this world
To live up to your expectations
Neither are you here to live up to mine, yeah

I don't owe no one
No obligation
No I don't mean none
So everything is fine, fine

CHORUS
I said I am that I am
I am I am Iam
(4x)

Don't underestimate
My ability
Don't definate my character
Don't belittle
My authority
It is time you recognized my quality

CHORUS

Learn to love
To love your brother
Don't covet your neighbor

Flee from the city
It's getting shitty
It is full of out-a-quity(Inequity)

CHORUS

I am the rock of the ages
You cannot move I at all
I am the son of lightining
You cannot move I at all
Son of Jacob
Cannot move me at all
I am the son of Moses
You can't move I at all
I am the son of David
You cannot move I at all

I am a firm ripe diamond
You cannot move I at all
You could a shed more tears
You cannot move I at all

You could a full of evil
You cannot move I at all
You could a try more nuttin'
You cannot move I at all

And you can try make a something
That can't move I at all
And could a come with ism
You can't move I at all

And could come with skism
That can't move I at all

2011-08-05T15:12:00.000-06:00

Murders & Mountains

Despite my best of intentions, I've been remiss in making regular entries on this site during the summer holidays. It's been a combination of things that have resulted in my general scribbing lethargy: the infamous "honey-do" list supplied by my wife, lots of camping and Mountaineering, trying to improve my overall level of fitness and shed a few pounds from my aging frame and it's ever-slowing metabolism, immersing myself in a plethora of good books, etc. Ultimately: LIFE has intervened, and life is good.

...unless you live in Edmonton. You see, typically Canadians just don't kill each other as much as you would expect, given our general cultural Americanisation. In our fair town of approximately 1 million people, we would see an annual homicide rate in the area or 25-30 in previous years. Not this year, however. as we commence the eighth month of 2011, we presently sit at 34 murders, causing some of the sensationalist newspapers and FOX News wannabe stations to coin us "Deadmonton". (Just a side note: our Prairie town was first called "Deadmonton" by a British journalist some years back when he was here to cover some big event, making the reference to our lack of nightlife and attractions.) The mayor is giving guff to the Edmonton Police Service (after all, someone needs to be blamed) and one criminologist is stating the obvious that our oil-rich economy attracts lots of organised crime and, in a moment of hyperbole, that all Edmontonians walk around armed (if referring to upper limbs, I'm totally with him... weapons...no). Yes, we are a city rife with sensationalism and fear-mongering. But isn't that simply what most news reporting has become?

But now, let's pause for a deep Yoga breath and perspective, shall we?

Firstly, let us look at the majority of victims: most have been known to Police and lived lifestyles that often strayed into illegal activity and the occupational hazards therein. I am not stating that any of the victims who fall into this category deserved their fate, however, I must say that we all are personally responsible for our actions. Having worked as an Officer for 5 years in a maximum security prison personally, I saw a lot of sad stories and individual's train wrecks that certainly made one empathise with many of the inmates, but that did not negate their personal responsibility whatsoever. I'm not saying, either, that I do not care if bad people are killing bad people as there are always innocents caught in the crossfire (and one of our murders this year was a case of mistaken identity), but neither am I overly upset.

It is alleged by the Police that very few of this year's homicides are gang related. Many of the murders have happened at "parties" where those involved have been drinking or using drugs. I do not see how we can hold the Police responsible for controlling this as the majority of it is taking place in private homes and not out in the open. While we may criticise Police for not cracking down enough on the city's drug trade (I personally believe we should legalise all drugs - and, for the record, I've never tried drugs myself; not even pot - tax the dickens out of it, knock out the organised crime element and sink all the money spent on the Sisyphusian task of the war on drugs on education so that, when it comes to making choices, we can do so responsibly), there's far more to the picture. For example, alcohol - which I do enjoy in moderation and have consumed copious amounts of over my life - is legal. And what about the city's responsibility? You can walk into a mall and places that sell cigarettes must have their products veiled behind curtains and in drawers, while their display cases are full of hash pipes, bongs and other drug paraphernalia. Knives are also readily available in a number of shops, with little or no regulation on sales. What of the responsibility of our Correctional Services and funding to addictions programmes? What of the responsibility of the individual?

What truly scares me about the whole thing is that, with the media coverage and brewhaha, many of the gang banger wannabes around town will take it upon themselves to enhance this culture of killing and attempt to emulate it further. Sadly, this is how many of these baggy trousered idiots think. Not to beat up on the whole Hip Hop culture as there is a lot of positive stuff being produced, but one can not turn a blind eye to the influence it is having on today's youth. Again, having worked in a prison for half a decade, I can attest to this point.

So, is there any wonder why I seek the solitude of the mountains?

...at the point of this rather awkward segue, I might add that I am typing this with a broken finger; an injury incurred during a fall down a mountain. Fortunately, it is not one of the two fingers that I type with. It is, however, my middle finger and, living in a rough part of Deadmonton, I do worry that some hoodlum will perceive me as giving him the finger and, being the only unarmed Edmontonian, am living in perpetual hyberbolised terror.

The handle of Deadmonton is not fair, when it comes to living here from an activity perspective. We have a gorgeous river valley - one of the largest in the world - full of bike paths and trails and many wonderful festivals (most of which I don't attend because I don't like crowds or people). Yes, many know us as being the city with "The Mall" and the Oilers and Eskimos have their supporters. Elk Island National Park is a beautiful area full of bison, elk, moose, etc. with lots of trails, lakes and ponds. There are three things that kill me about Edmonton, though:

Too many right wing conservatives and rednecks
The insanely cold winters
The proximity to anything (except Elk Island)

It is just over 300 km from Edmonton to the Rockies. Each summer I try to get to the Jasper area to do some hiking, scrambles, mountain biking, kayaking, camping, etc. It is an oasis of sorts amidst all that is Alberta. I do not mean to beat up on Alberta, but it is a place of fast money with a very right wing corporate culture. Much of what here is all pretty new - cities that sprawl with undistinguished suburbs and box stores. I admit, that Alberta is not what is wrong with Alberta, but, rather I am. I grew up in Nova Scotia which is a different kind of culture, and have lived quite a bit in Europe. I have different sensibilities, and would be a bit of a snob (which I admit to being) to impose my sense of culture on others. Being a vegetarian in the land of Alberta Beef says it all! Still, Jasper is a delight. It is rather rustic, in contrast to Banff, and, during the summer, filled with outgoing travelers who seek the hiking trails and mountain peaks which are plentiful in the vicinity.

The mountains offer me something of a spiritual experience, though I shudder at such terminology. I love the solitude and the overall sense of masochism and risks offered by the trails and climbs. While I would not say I'm completely anti-social, I don't really like people. That is to say, I do not deal well with superficial socialisation. Small-talk and introductions kill me, as does attempting to adhere to a proscribed role demanded by one's station in life. When I speak with someone, I want to have conversations with substance and honesty; discussions about books, ideas and the lot, or to play a game such as Chess or Carcassonne. I find many people tiresome - I know this sounds bad - because they are simply too busy with the tedium of their days and mindless distractions to truly live. Everyone needs a passion - film, Art, fishing - whatever! Sadly, many do not and have become complete bores and non-entities. In fact, Lord Byron said something to that effect: "society is but a flagrant horde, comprised of two tribes: the bores and the bored"...

...anyway, that was getting off track somewhat...

Right, where were we? Spiritual, masochism, risk. Right! I first read Frederich Nietzsche's "Thus Spoke Zarathustra" during my undergrad at Dalhousie University some twenty or so years ago. I was truly inspired by the Superman of which Freddy wrote. The writings instilled a sense to always push myself to the limit; a mantra that does not always end well as my multiple injuries over the year and required surgeries to fix stuff can attest! The mountains offer me the perfect arena to apply this notion (though I have tempered my exploits a bit with age and take a lot more time to enjoy the beauty of the whole place as a result of my many readings in the areas of Eastern Philosophy and Yoga texts): risk, testing one's mental resolve and physical ability. This, for me, is an integral component of living. And, as an aside, though Nietzsche stated that "God is dead", their is no evidence to indicate it had anything to do with Deadmonton...

Some of the more memorable hikes this summer included a shot at the summit of Mt. Wilcox, and introducing my wife and daughter to the Wilcox Pass. I think that this is one of the loveliest areas around Jasper and one of my favourite scrambles and hikes. As you press near the end of July and early August, the alpine flowers are in full bloom and, for me, reminders of how life and beauty can exist in the harshest of conditions - a thought all to necessary to keep within one's perspective as part one of my ramblings will attest. A golden eagle soared overhead, ground squirrels ran about and one general gets back to a sense of basic instinct - the balance and being of existence. The battle between mind and body as you push yourself up the mountainside is a wonderful-but-masochistic duel within the self, rewarded with spectacular views of glaciers, meadow and mountains. Again, for me, this awakens a very basic sense of being and a simpler, primal self. This is why I love the mountains and what I do.

The mountains also enlighten us to our place and impact on the world as a whole. A site that brought me close to tears was when we were driving from our camp site into Jasper town and came upon a scene where a car had just struck a young black bear. The dying creature was laying in the middle of the road, and as I slowly drove up to the site, I saw its head move upwards along the ground in an arc, marked in blood on the asphalt from its snout, and, as I passed, saw the pool of blood under it's body and stared directly into what seemed to be lifeless eyes. I've seen a lot of horrible things in my life including murdered people and suicides, but this seemed to affect me on a deeper level. I know that sounds whacked, but it's the truth. Ultimately, it is a direct sign of how we are impacting our world and wildlife habitats, and far less subtle than the receding glaciers and extreme weather that seems to be direct results of humankind's impact on our planet. I'm not a radical environmentalist, but I do believe that we need to keep our sense of excess in check. This includes my personal desires to enter wildlife habitat - something I try to do with leaving a minimal trace.

The most epic trip (I feel so young and hip saying that) saw myself and a friend enter cougar habitat (the cat, not the woman) as we attempted, unsuccessfully, to summit Roch Miette. As this is my blog, I can state, unchallenged, that the reason we ended up in a rather nasty situation (resulting in my broken finger) was because my partner sent us up the wrong way. I say this in jest as it is a bit of a running gag between us... though I did trust his ability to correctly read the bloody scrambles book directions... Anyway, as we ascended the base of this mountain, it turned out (we realised after returning) we had taken the climbers route as opposed to the scramble. As a result, we ended up traversing a long and steep bowl that was covered in roundish limestone scree on a very hard pack. This is where the mountain teaches you about your personal mortality. Upon beginning our descent after failing to arrive at the summit, I ended up falling like a frieght train some 60m down the scree coated slope, attempting to self arrest with my hands (I did not have an mountaineering axe... but do now) and heels while arching my back so as to keep the slide in my pack as opposed to my bottom. I managed to stop myself by heeling into a fixed, larger rock, and it was at that point I realised that I had injured my finger (I believed it to be a jam or minor dislocation at the time, and it wasn't until I went to the doctor four days later and had it x-rayed that I discovered it was broken). Seconds after stopping, I felt a crack in the back of my neck, the result of being hit by a falling stone. My partner shouted out to me and, when I turned to face uphill, saw that I had caused a small rock slide and was pretty much frozen as I saw a rock about the size of a soccer ball come hurtling towards me, bouncing like a cricket ball bowled by a hell of a fast bowler, and veer off to my right. Needless to say, upon reaching town (after a beer) I purchased an alpinists helmet! I managed to work my way down from this point, rather gingerly, with abrasions all over and an a leg with pretty good road rash, bleeding like a bugger, to the treeline, only to see my partner go through the exact same deal. When I was going through the fall myself, I remember telling myself to stay calm and focus on what I needed to do. Watching my partner go through it was terrifying. Fortunately, he made it okay, despite shredding his pants, having a purple bum and sore thumb.

Which leaves us to the epic part - the stuff that you simply can not make up...

...So we finally arrived back to our truck some seven hours later and began to change from our sweaty, dusty garb into something more relaxing. This is in the middle of nowhere and rather secluded. My partner, a large man of Finnish heritage, was struggling to free his leg from his thermals, having got it caught on his foot, and asked my to assist. I, of course, obliged, and, with my one good hand, did my best to assist my partner who was hopping on one of his feet in an effort to maintain balance, while I attempted to pull the thermal free of his foot. It was then that I looked up and told my partner to look behind him. There we beheld two very attractive women dressed in surveying gear watching us. Unbelievable! My partner apologised, they smiled and that is the anticlimactic end to this tale. Craziness! Another teaching of the mountains....

The plan is to tackle Roch Miette next weekend in which will be, most likely, my last trip to Jasper this summer. My Yoga teacher training begins at the middle of the month and then I'm back to the classroom.

I imagine that I've lost most of my readers by now, so will come to an unconventional and abrupt ending, without even attempting the corniest of segues back to my murder theme. And so....

2011-07-09T09:12:00.012-06:00

Climbing close to the summit of Mt. Wilcox, July 5th, 2011

Summer and the Superman

Greetings, readers. Once again, life has kept me away from writing here for some time. Summer holidays have just commenced and, being a teacher, it allows me to free up some space in my day to ramble on about whatever is bouncing around in my random cerebral happenings. For example: promulgating on whether or not I should formulate my position on puppets as it seems that the world is hardening into two camps: those who love them and those who fear/hate them. When the hand leaves the puppet, is that like the soul leaving the body? Is there a soul? Does death give our lives meaning, or, rather, render life meaningless? Get the idea?

Seriously though, Summer is always an interesting time for me. It's my favourite season by far as it allows me to indulge in cycling, mountaineering, kayaking, camping, sitting outside with a good book while enjoying a nice cup of tea, coffee or cold beer. The dark side of Summer for me lies in that I've got a lot of unstructured time and, while poking fun at my overactive mind in the opening paragraph, I do think too much and begin to feel anxious about returning to work at the end of August. I think all teachers go through this to a degree.

This year will be a bit different for me too as, after five years of teaching junior high school Special Needs students, I am moving to a new programme, new school and new age group. I will be working with elementary school children, starting in September, who have just arrived in Canada. Most of these children have been living in refugee camps their entire life. The vast majority hail from Somalia and central Africa, with a couple from the Middle East. The mandate of the programme is to teach English language skills and work on general socialisation skills while helping the students to adjust to being in a classroom. Most of the kids have been through significant trauma and there will be a lot of behavioural issues in relation to this; PTSD, etc. I am very much looking forward to the experience and hope that I am able to serve these children well, putting them on the path to a successful and fulfilling life.

Staying with teaching, I am greatly anticipating my teacher training certification in Hatha Yoga at the end of August. I've outlined my journey toward this goal in previous blog entries, and am very excited that Yoga Magazine (www.yogamagazine.org) is running "my story" in their August U.K. edition and September U.S. edition. I think Yoga will be an effective tool to use in my classroom starting in the Fall, and definitely a tool I use to keep myself sane and limber!

As previously stated, Summer is my favourite season for activities. Torrential rains have been falling on Edmonton and northern Alberta since Thursday night, prohibiting any play outside (stressful when one has an antsy nearly 9 year old in the house). I can not complain, however, as I had spent Monday- Thursday of this week playing in the Rockies in the Jasper area. Nothing soothes the soul (if we have one that is ;P) than a few days camping in the mountains. A colleague and another friend and I climbed Mt. Wilcox; a lovely 6 hour trip that saw us pass through beautiful alpine meadows, get sunburns on the snow patches, get the adrenalin pumping through a few calculated risks and then scree surf and body sled the way down. Along the way we saw big horned sheep, mountain goats and elk galore. The following day, my colleague and I went kayaking at Horseshoe Lake, which we supplemented with a bit of rock climbing and cliff diving over the icy glacial water. If that didn't get the heart pumping, then the young black bear we crossed paths with did! Fortunately, he or she was too consumed in eating grass than eating us. I'm looking forward to heading back there at the end of the month with my wife and daughter, but may have to squeeze in a solo trip as well... or two.

So that is where I'm at. Life is good and I am up for adventure. Quoting my mantra from Helen Keller (part of which is on my tattoo):

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Security does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than exposure."

Here's to a summer of pushing limits, challenging one's self and doing things that make us feel complete and happy. Here's to the new challenges that will arrive in September. Life is all about living, folks. Dig out your copies of Nietzche's "Thus Spoke Zarathustra" and remember always:

“I teach you the Superman. Man is something that should be overcome.”

2011-03-09T20:38:00.003-07:00

My Yoga Odyssey

Edited version of my previous article to be published, to be published in Yoga Magazine (www.yogamagazine.org) in their Reader's Story section - a two page spread! The U.K. edition comes out in August 2011, and in September 2011 for the U.S. edition.

I’ve resolved, after 15 years of practising Yoga, to do my Yoga Teaching Certification. Why have I’ve waited so long? There is no simple answer and a hodgepodge of reasons for it: time, cost, looking for the right place and the right teachers, the level of confidence in my own practice, etc. A major reason that I have balked from getting my Teacher certification is because I feel Yoga has become diluted and commercialised in the main stream; a fashion as opposed to system of beliefs. Through the many Martial Arts I have studied, I also witnessed this lack of theoretical or philosophical substance. I absorbed many of the writings of Aikido founder Morihei Uyeshiba regarding to the philosophies behind the Art and manipulation of ki, but classes were purely physical experiences with no teachings being shared. I found this to be true in the other Martial Arts classes that I have taken in Tae Kwon Do and Judo. With the exception of two intensive years of study with an amazing teacher named Elfriede Meyer, my Yoga experiences have been similar.

Gandhi stated that we should “be the change that we wish to see in the world”. As I take the step of becoming a Yoga Teacher, I carry these words with me. Taking on the role of being one’s spiritual mentor completely terrifies me on the one hand because I simply could never envision myself thus. I am so far from perfect that it’s not funny! I suffer from bouts of PTSD, depression and anxiety disorders. I am often stressed and often give in to impulse. On the other hand, as a Teacher, I see myself as being a catalyst for another’s catharsis. An imperfect role model, perhaps, assists us in accepting our own imperfections. In the end, my role would be as a facilitator; to present directions, but allow my students to take their own personal journey. It is not about “being like me”, but to encourage others to “be who they are”.

I started doing Yoga in 1997. I would tape this show on the local cable network hosted by Gerta Krebs. Through my collection of episodes, I began my practise. I started reading a lot on Yoga and Eastern Philosophy at this time. It was a year or two after this that I began to study under Elfriede. After just over 2 years of working with Elefriede, my new career as a Correctional Officer, doing shift work, ended my tutorage under her. From this point, my reading list expanded, and I would do the occasional course or drop-in classes around the city.

I received my first taste of Teaching Yoga this past August when I took a Teaching Yoga to Children course. This class put me off in some ways, but also gave me some insight. The turn-offs lied in the fact that many of those taking the course had taken little or no previous Yoga. This clearly illustrates one of my main points of contention with the fashion Yoga presently permeating itself through Western culture. It’s the same as these Martial Arts places awarding black belts after only a couple of years study. The physical sides of Yoga or Martial Arts can be easily learned, but this is an incomplete mastery.

The word Yoga means “to join or yoke together,” bringing the body and mind together into one harmonious experience. The system is based on: exercise, breathing, and meditation. With ideology founded in The Yoga Sutras by Patañjali and The Bhagavad Gita. In my opinion, to truly reap any kind of benefit from Yoga, one’s practise must include every aspect outlined above.

So, as a Teacher, where would I recommend that a student, new to Yoga, begin? I would first state that Yoga and its benefits are a lifelong pursuit and, just like our lives, ebbs and flows, taking us down several different chutes along the way. It will be a constant challenge, but is not a competition. Take in what is presented to you in books and by teachers, and synthesise that which resonates with you to be what you wish to become and what you feel to be good and correct. I’d recommend that a student visit different Yoga studios around town, to get a feel for the different styles of Yoga. Inevitably, students will come to have a favourite style: Hatha, Ashtanga, Yin, Moksha, Iyengar, Kundalini, etc. This is good, but we must, in our practise, be open to other forms as each has their place. I, personally, have a strong preference to Iyengar and Hatha styles, and dislike many of the flow Yoga’s such as Ashtanga. This is largely because I lack grace flowability. But this is good and tells me that I need to challenge myself more, pushing away from my comfort zone.

As a new student gets their feet firm on their mats, READ! This deepens one’s knowledge and opens discourse. Recommendations include:

“Light on Yoga” by B.K.S. Iyengar

“Yoga: The Spirit and Practice of Moving Into Stillness” by Erich Schiffmann

“Yoga for Beginners” by Mark Ansari and Liz Lark

“The Heart of the Buddha’s Teachings” by Thich Nhat Hahn

“Light on Yoga Sutras” by B.K.S. Iyengar

“The Tao of Pooh” by Benjamin Hoff

“Thus Spoke Zarathustra” by Friedrich Nietzsche

These writings will offer contemplations on our perceptions of the world and our selves. Once indulged, explore the writings of authors like Eknath Easwaran, Jon Kabat-Zinn and the texts referenced previously. As a person, I tend to be rather cynical and do not like the fluffy or flakey writings that are filtered through many of the books written on Eastern ideas. The authors that I have recommended here are largely indicative of my preferences.

The last recommendation I would make is to download a few different guided mediations focusing on deep relaxation. There are many good ones out there, and also some pretty horrible ones. I have come to enjoy doing my meditations on a Shakti mat. Like a bed of nails (www.shaktimat.com), I was first introduced to it when I was teaching in Slovakia by a student. Uncomfortable initially, over time, the Shakti becomes very pleasant and provides an endorphin rush. Everyone will respond differently, of course, but I swear by mine!

In closing, I look forward to deepening my practice by through my Teacher Certification. It is perhaps serendipitous that Gerta Krebs is one of the teachers of the program I will be taking – a bit like going back to the beginning, which is what I am doing by taking this course.

2011-02-07T14:04:00.002-07:00

Autobiography of a Yogi

I’ve resolved this summer, after 15 years of practising Yoga and Meditation, to do my official Yoga Teaching Certification. One might ask why I’ve waited so long to do this? There is no simple answer and a hodgepodge of reasons for it: time and cost, looking for the right place and the right teachers, the level of confidence in my own practice, etc. A major reason that I have balked from getting my Teacher certification is because Yoga has become so diluted and commercialised in the main stream; a fashion as opposed to system of beliefs to live by. Through the many Martial Arts I have studied, I also witnessed this lack of theoretical or philosophical substance. I absorbed many of the writings of Aikido founder Morihei Uyeshiba regarding to the philosophies behind the Art and manipulation of ki, but classes were purely physical experiences with no teachings ever being shared. I found this to be true in the other Martial Arts classes that I have taken in Tae Kwon Do, Kali and Judo. The same applies to the Yoga classes I’ve taken, with the exception of two intensive years of study with an amazing teacher named Elfriede Meyer.

Gandhi stated that we should “be the change that we wish to see in the world”. As I take the step of becoming a Yoga Teacher, I am carrying these words with me. Taking on the role of being one’s spiritual mentor or guru completely terrifies me on the one hand because I simply could never envision myself thus. I am so far from perfect that it’s not funny. I suffer from bouts of PTSD, depression and anxiety disorders. I am often stressed and often act without thought when my impulsiveness comes over me. On the other hand, as a Teacher, I see myself as being ore a catalyst for another’s catharsis. An imperfect role model, perhaps, assists us in accepting our own imperfections. In the end, my role would be as a facilitator; to present directions, but allow my students to take their own personal journey. It is not a matter of “being like me” so much as encouraging others to “be who they are” and find one’s own purpose.

I started doing Yoga in 1997. I would tape this show on the local cable network hosted by a woman named Gerta Krebs. Through my collection of episodes, I began my practise. As I am prone to do, I started reading a lot on Yoga and Eastern Philosophy at this time. It was a year or two after this that I began to study under Elfriede. After just over 2 years of working with Elefriede, my new career as a Correctional Officer, doing shift work, ended my tutorage under her. From this point on, my reading list expanded significantly, and I would do the occasional course and drop-in classes around the city.

I received my first taste of Teaching Yoga this past August when I took a Teaching Yoga to Children Teacher Certification course. This class put me off in some ways, but also gave me some insight. The turn-offs lied in the fact that many of those taking the course had taken little or no previous Yoga. This clearly illustrates one of my main points of contention with the fashion Yoga presently permeating itself through North American culture. It’s the same as these Martial Arts places awarding black belts after only a couple of years study. The physical sides of Yoga or Martial Arts can be easily depicted, but this is not a complete learning of an Art or way of life.

So, what is Yoga? The classical techniques of Yoga date back more than 5,000 years. In ancient times, the desire for greater personal freedom, health and long life, and heightened self-understanding gave birth to this system of physical and mental exercise. The word Yoga means “to join or yoke together,” and it brings the body and mind together into one harmonious experience. The whole system of Yoga is built on three main structures: exercise, breathing, and meditation. Many of Yoga’s “life teachings” come from “The Yoga Sutras” by Patañjali and the sacred Hindu text “The Bhagavad Gita”. In my opinion, to truly reap any kind of benefit from Yoga, one’s practise must include every aspect outlined above.

So, as a Teacher, where would I recommend that my student, new to Yoga, begin? I would first state that Yoga and its benefits are a lifelong pursuit and, just like our lives, ebbs and flows and takes us down several different chutes along the way. It will be a constant challenge, but is not a competition. Take in what is presented to you in books and by teachers, and synthesise that which resonates with you to be what you wish to become and what you feel to be good and correct.

In the first month, I’d recommend that a student visit 3-4 different Yoga studios around town, to get a feel for the different styles of Yoga and a sense of the teaching being done. Inevitably, students will come to have a favourite style: Hatha, Ashtanga, Yin, Moksha, Iyengar, Kundalini, etc. This is good, but we must, in our practise, be open to other forms as each has their place. I, personally, have a strong preference to Iyengar and Hatha styles, and dislike many of the flow Yoga’s such as Ashtanga. This is largely because I lack grace and the flow forms often make me feel like I suck. But this is good and tells me that I need to challenge myself more. Again, pushing from our zone of comfort and into the torrents is necessary to impose tranquility on our turbulent times.

While a new student get their feet solid on their sticky mats, I would recommend that they read a plethora of books. Based on these readings, one would be better able to deepen their knowledge and provide conversational and discussion piece for when they meet with other Yogi’s and their teachers. I would break these books down into two categories: asanas (poses) and theory (philosophy and teachings).

Recommendations for Asana based information:

“Light on Yoga” by B.K.S. Iyengar

“Yoga: The Spirit and Practice of Moving Into Stillness” by Erich Schiffmann

“Yoga for Beginners” by Mark Ansari and Liz Lark

Recommendations for theory based information:

“The Heart of the Buddha’s Teachings” by Thich Nhat Hahn

“Light on Yoga Sutras” by B.K.S. Iyengar

“The Tao of Pooh” by Benjamin Hoff

“Thus Spoke Zarathustra” by Friedrich Nietzsche

These writings will provide the student with ample information and ideas about our perceptions of the world in which we live and differing ways of approaching life. Once these books have been indulged, I strongly recommend that the serious student read the many writings of the following authors:

Thich Nhat Hahn (wonderful stuff on peace, mindfulness, etc.)

Eknath Easwaran (brilliant insights and highlights of many Eastern writings including “The Bhagavad Gita”, “The Upanishads” and “The Dhammapada”)

Jon Kabat-Zinn (one of the best writers out there on meditation)

As a person, I tend to be rather cynical and do not like the fluffy or flakey writings that are filtered through many of the books written on Yoga and Eastern ideas. This is a personal preference – to each their own. The authors that I have recommended here are largely indicative of my theological choices.

The last recommendation I would have for a student, new to Yoga, would be to download a few different guided meditations from iTunes. There are many good ones out there, and also some pretty horrible ones. I would recommend that the new student commence with meditations focusing on deep relaxation. It is during deep relaxation that the yoking of the physical, breath and mind truly flourish. If you truly wish to open your mind, I have come to enjoy doing my meditations on a Shakti mat. This is essentially a bed of nails ( you can order them on-line from www.shaktimat.com ). I was first introduced to them when I was teaching in the former Czechoslovakia by one of my students. While uncomfortable initially, over time, the Shakti becomes very pleasant and provides a wonderful rush of endorphins. Everyone will respond differently, of course, but I swear by mine!

In closing, I look forward to deepening my practice by taking my Yoga Teacher Certification. It is perhaps serendipitous that Gerta Krebs is one of the teachers of the programme I will be taking – a bit like going back to the beginning ... which is what I am doing by undertaking this course, beginning anew as a teacher, but always a student. And so it is... I hope that my words have offered you, dear reader, something positive to take away. Until our paths cross again, best wishes!

2011-02-04T12:13:00.001-07:00

Taking Time and Not to Be Taken by It

Our world and lives are full of living poetry, though we seldom seek it out or stop to enjoy it when we are in its midst. So often, we plan our lives based on by measuring from special event to special event – vacations, days off, gatherings, festivals, etc. – and we neglect all those moments in between; wishing our lives away. I am definitely guilty of this. I reminisce about past moments and look toward the next “big thing” I have planned, neutering the present moment from producing joy and happiness. Like anything else, awareness of this fact is never enough. We need to practise and re-shape the way that we carry on from day to day. Maintaining a daily gratitude journal is one way to mine out the good stuff on even the worst of days. We also need to make a conscious decision to all our present day 24/7 culture of apathy and convenience not to consume us. There’s nothing wrong with mindless stuff – it’s necessary to relaxation and relieving stress. We do, however, have to ensure that our lives are flavoured with meaningful things. Consumerism does nothing for us, other than consuming ourselves and causing stress. Life is simple, but made complex by our unrealistic expectations. Taking time to observe our world and nurture relationships is essential. Like Confucius said “Everything has its beauty, but not everybody sees it”. We need to take the time to take things in. To be still. To simply be. To take time, as opposed to allowing time to take us.

2011-02-03T14:27:00.002-07:00

On Modern Education and Educators

Every career comes with their politics, misconceptions, bureaucracy and mixed agendas. I knew from the age of 15 when I was introduced to the writings of Camus and Orwell that I wanted to be a writer and a teacher. In my 40’s, writings a thing I do, and teaching is my passion and profession.

There are a lot of things that are right in Education these days. There are many amazing individuals who cultivate passion amongst their students, and dedicate their lives to the cause. Education systems continually conduct research on better practices, and regularly offer professional development to their employees. Despite itself, all the progress and technology we have in our present day are a result of the system that has preceded us.

In the spirit of what is right in education, I will outline the two primary areas that require work in the interest of better serving our present and future generations of learners.

The first area needing to be addressed is the public image and misconceptions surrounding what being a teacher entails. In the media, teachers are often portrayed as being greedy, holding strike action over the heads of our students in the interest of money. Many see teachers – including the Employment Insurance (EI) department of the Canadian Government – as working 6 hours per day, 5 days per week, 10 months of the year and with every holiday off. When Provincial Achievement results are low, the Government look to the Teachers and, upon their shoulders, lays the blame. In professional development sessions, I continually hear the question “what more can you be doing?” when it comes to our schools, particularly for Aboriginal and Special Needs students. The list goes on.

Beginning with the issue of greed, I would state that this is not true. Teachers have been and remain underpaid in comparison to many other professions. Why wouldn’t we pay teachers well? After all, they manage our most valuable resource – children. Modern day teachers posses an average of 6 years post secondary education, put in approximately 50 – 60 hours per week, make more decisions in a day than probably any other profession, must understand and plan according to a variety of subject curriculums, have a strong background in psychology and keep current with the latest in technology and teaching practices. Why would we not match a teacher salary to that of a brain surgeon? One may counter by stating about a surgeons specialised training, to which I would respond: who provided the training? Answer: teachers. Ultimately, I am not arguing parity for teachers compared to surgeons, but, rather, trying to make a point.

Addressing the issue of hours worked... simply stated, the 6 hours, 5 days and 10 months perception is wrong. The average teacher may teach 6 hours each day, 5 days per week, true. That’s time standing up in front of a classroom full of children. However, those lesson plans don’t just magically appear, nor do the assessments of student work. I presently teach special needs Science, Social Studies, Language Arts and Math, in addition to two options classes. In my special needs class, I have 18 students who are chronologically in grades 7-9, but working on grade levels ranging from K-7. As a result, I have to differentiate for each student to ensure that they are being programmed for at the appropriate level. This takes a lot of planning. Further to this, there’s the bureaucratic side of the job: Individualised Programme Plans (IPPs), progress reports, psychological and grade level of achievement testing. Add to this coaching Rugby and Soccer, supervision, organising large school events such as reading conferences, open houses, special events and parent-teacher interviews. My school is in the inner city and I have to deal with social and health/behavioural issues of my students outside of my classroom time. I am not complaining at all, and do my job out of passion and a desire to help make these kids be all that they can be. I am merely illustrating my point pertaining to the hours worked by my colleagues and me, many of whom go home to their own children and spouses after their school day has ended.

I’m going to introduce my second main point as I address the issue of results and doing more. That is, that the Education system, while endeavouring to do its best, is unclear of its purpose- its raison d’etre. If you look historically at Education, modern Education began a couple hundred years ago as a place for the aristocracy to study for leisure and more scholarly purposes. This was followed by the Industrial Revolution, which broadened the field to where education was provided. The current system of free, public Education for all, however, is a fairly new concept.

In my parent’s time, getting a grade 12 education was something for those who were going on to post secondary school. Many people of the working class would drop out by grade 9 to work as farmers, fishermen, trades people, store clerks, etc. My mother was one of 10 children and only one of her siblings graduated from High School (and went on to become a teacher). Simply stated, you didn’t need a high school diploma in those days. As a result, our school system was very draconian and heavily influenced by academics, focusing only those who were going the distance through grade 12.

But times changed, and so did our school system. The needs of the technologically advanced world required more educated workers, and schools did away with their draconian ways in favour of more research based, social and holistic practices. The changes in society also began placing more responsibility on schools and teachers. As traditional family units and ways of life morphed, schools found themselves becoming surrogate parents as well as those tasked with providing students effective means to learn academic skills.

Re-enter my two remaining points from the introduction: results and doing more.

Despite our differentiation practises and pushing for inclusive classrooms, all students are still measured using provincial achievement tests which favour the academic students over those who are not university bound (despite a variety of vocational options at the high school level). This is highly unfair to the learners, and the data portrays teacher’s effectiveness unfairly. For lower achieving and special needs students, facing such examinations is often traumatising. It erodes their self-esteem. They get frustrated and then drop out. As for the teachers, how can we rate their performance on a PAC if we compare an affluent school full of middle class students to one in the inner city where the demographic is made up of low income families and there are endless social issues? You can’t. But the Government wants their data.

Which leads to the “what more can you be doing?” question often posed. For one, let’s look at the cuts to Education. If our schools are to be the all-encompassing holistic institutions that they have been told to be, then we need a whole lot more in the way of resources. This means teachers, support staff (psychologists, social workers, addictions counsellors, career counsellors, etc.) and materials in all schools. It also means we need to know clearly exactly what we are supposed to be doing. We also need to put responsibility back on parents. In our present culture of convenience, we have lost our communities and many parents feel entitled for the state to be responsible for their children’s upbringing. Television and video games have replaced so much of the social and family fabric that once was, as parents use these things as babysitting tools, leaving it uncensored and unregulated. In the end, we need to have a good hard look on what is coming to pass both inside our schools and inside the homes of our neighbourhood. We need to clearly define our roles and responsibilities.

A good friend of mine used to say the following two things regularly to me, and they made a whole lot of sense:

“The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing”
“If you know why, then the how becomes obvious”

If we bear these ideas in mind, then solutions will be found and our students and society will benefit. We need to asses our priorities and set them accordingly. We all need to take responsibility. In my opinion, the roles of our Educational Institutions should be to prepare students for life by teaching skills and critical thinking practices according to their needs and abilities, and provide the tools necessary to living a fulfilling and meaningful life. To do this, we need a diversity of options and student placements throughout their school years and re-think our approach to the whole profession.There has been a lot of good work done, and there is lots of work to be done.

2011-02-02T13:50:00.002-07:00

On Spiritual Pathways

I began to practise Yoga fifteen years ago, and, through this path, found myself reading a lot of Eastern Philosophy, Psychology and texts from an assortment of world religions. Through the ebb and flow of this journey, I find myself, today, as being a spiritual atheist. This, of course, is a contradiction, but life is but a bundle of opposites – yin and yang, etc. I believe that I am part of a greater whole, by the nature of my being and the necessity to interact within our world. I do not claim to understand the endless boundaries of this existence, and, perhaps my sense of oneness with the greater whole is much like what the theist will call having a relationship with God/gods. Ultimately, I do not believe in an omnipotent, omnipresent and conscious deity who directs this life, but, rather, that there are laws of nature. In the end, I have a philosophy based on what I believe to be true, attached to the notion expressed in Pascal’s Wager: “It does not matter whether or not I believe that God exists”. The best way to describe how I live – a practise that is a work in progress, rather than an end – is to use the words of Buddha who stated: “Believe nothing, no matter where you read it who said it... unless it agrees with your reason and commonsense”. This allows us to borrow sentiments from all religions and beliefs, without becoming dogmatic or an iconoclast.

The spiritual path that I describe is not an easy one. It causes one to challenge social and accepted beliefs, often making one seem a pariah, and, like any hard look in the mirror, can be accompanied by both joy and pain. The whole question of “what is my purpose in life” has no black and white answer, nor is it an answer we may ever truly come to comprehend. This being said, to quote from an old saying, “it’s about the journey, not the destination”. The principles of acceptance and letting go, while making perfect sense in our minds, are not one’s that are easily implemented. Societal pressures, ingrained beliefs and the fact that such work requires much work amidst hectic lives, are reasons that we may defer from the journey and allow others to push and direct us in our lives. To dwell in effortless apathy is often our choice, and we allow ourselves to float in this manner, despite how empty it leaves us. It is always easier to follow than to lead. This holds true when we join or adopt the culture and traditions of others to find our own sense of self and belonging.

I write this, not because I possess any of the answers, but, rather, to ask that you seek your own. The truth can be both universal and subjective. Finding and creating your own spiritual/life path is one that only you are able to seek. There is no “one size fits all” in this life. No one faith or system tailored to our needs as individuals. However, by living a sedated, dulled down existence, will lead us to lives without fulfillment and overall sense of meaninglessness.

In closing, I ask only that you shall seek, but give no guarantees that you will find. Read the sacred texts of the world, the philosophies of great thinkers and the findings of psychologists. Then merge these ideas with your present state of being, life circumstances and worldly experiences/observations. Your findings may evolve and change, the further you seek. This is healthy and the only way to our perceptions of the universal truths that we will try to comprehend. For this is all there really is. Life is one’s perception of existence. Existence is the fabrication of nothingness into being. “Nothing” implies “no thing” and, thus, “some thing”. Ultimately, we create our own echoes.

As an aside, if you are looking for a place to begin, visit:

http://www.beliefnet.com/Entertainment/Quizzes/BeliefOMatic.aspx

Not only does it give a sense as to where your beliefs lie, it will also hyperlink you to each religion and tell you what they are all about for further research. Here are my results, and they have changed over time!

1.	Unitarian Universalism (100%)
2.	Mahayana Buddhism (95%)
3.	Liberal Quakers (83%)
4.	Neo-Pagan (83%)
5.	Theravada Buddhism (81%)
6.	Taoism (80%)
7.	New Age (76%)
8.	Secular Humanism (72%)
9.	Hinduism (70%)
10.	Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (68%)
11.	Scientology (66%)
12.	New Thought (64%)
13.	Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (59%)
14.	Jainism (56%)
15.	Sikhism (52%)
16.	Orthodox Quaker (50%)
17.	Reform Judaism (45%)
18.	Nontheist (43%)
19.	Baha'i Faith (36%)
20.	Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (27%)
21.	Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (22%)
22.	Seventh Day Adventist (22%)
23.	Islam (20%)
24.	Orthodox Judaism (20%)
25.	Eastern Orthodox (16%)
26.	Roman Catholic (16%)
27.	Jehovah's Witness (14%)

2011-01-23T10:03:00.000-07:00

There's a great new Blog up and running from one of my mates! Check it out:

http://whythefckareyoureadingthis.blogspot.com/

2010-11-27T23:24:00.002-07:00

Letter written to day and sent to Yoga Journal magazine:

Dearest Editor,

I read the letters in your November 2010 issue regarding the commercialization and 'nude' photos adorning the pages of Yoga Journal with interest. While I believe there's nothing wrong with celebrating the amazing human body, I am a bit saddened to see how Yoga has gone corporate in North America. So much of present day Yoga seems to focus on fashion and often expensive supplements and accouterments, inaccessible to many common practitioners. I feel an ancient and beneficial art form is is being reduced to a trend which has been quickly losing its substance. Further to this, while I understand the majority of the subscriber's demographic is female, as a male Yogi of over a decade (I am also a school teacher and have taught Yoga for a couple of years), I often feel like I've picked up a copy of Cosmo, Vogue or Chatelaine. I still buy the YJ religiously, as the pages still contain a wealth of knowledge, information and aims for good, but, as man, it's making me feel out of place in your readership.

Yoga is a lifestyle, not a fad. Many feel if they purchase the garb, stretch, etc., that they will gain the benefits of a true organic practice. Yoga studios are a dime a dozen these days where I live, and teacher certification is laughable. For example, I did a teaching Yoga for Children course this summer and was appalled that, of the 18 people in this class (me being the only male), four had NEVER DONE YOGA BEFORE! Honestly, how can a studio endorse certifying such individuals?

My solution: by all means, allow for the ads to keep this wonderful mag going strong and to retain its quality, but please consider using people in your photos other than those clad in these upscale fashions from time to time - and make them average folks. Also, while male Yogis adorn your pages often, I'd like you to find more equilibrium in perhaps crafting a few male centered pieces - a column even! Should a Yoga magazine not be all about balance? Right now, it seems that, on the one hand, YJ is perpetuation the non-materialism concepts expressed articles using traditional Eastern texts and teachings, and then contradicting them completely with the ads which push materialistic motives. In fact, these ads tend to be misleading in subliminally suggesting that we, as Yogis, require to consume such wear (many of which are top quality garments for certain) in order to procure an positive and fulfilling practice.

In closing, I will continue to by YJ, because, despite my constructive criticisms, there is a wealth of good information presented in your pages. I hope that you well continue to challenge your direction and feel free to take a few risks and keep the magazine fresh with well-promulgated change.

Om Shanti,

Ed Meers
Edmonton, Alberta, Canada

The following is an entry that I wrote on my last day of my Yoga certification course for teaching children. It's from my blog (links below) - you may with to use it an article one day - more in the spirit of Hardcore Zen by Brent Warner though. I poke fun at myself and attempt to have fun with it, while also hitting on a few key points I think need to be said in the corporate/sacred battle of Yoga and those fill in the scene. I reckon it would spark a flood of letters to YJ. Let me know if you wish to publish it as and article.....

Yoga Tribalism Examined

OK, first in foremost, I am a crusty old misanthropic codger, prone to making outlandish statements. If you read my blog, you will know this. If you know me, you will believe this because it is truth. I spend most my time on the fringe, placing myself on a pedestal, much like Nietzsche's Zarathustra in my own head, and attack the apathetic status quo of sheep-gened masses that we call society and pop culture. While perhaps outrageous, my goal, more often than not, is to rattle cages and cause people to think. Many folks turn me out as a result of my approach. Other's might find something worthwhile in what I say, and then resume their benign existence. If this were a Harry Potter novel, I most definitely would be Voldemort. So, that's how it is...

Right so! On to my main topic.

I started doing Yoga in 1997, just before it became big. In my first few years, I studied Yoga, and became a convert to the Eastern Philosophies of Buddhism and Taoism. From that point I continued to read numerous books on Yoga and other 'spiritual' philosophies, as well as contemporary Western Philosophy. If I were to describe myself, it would be as an over-stuffed academic pacifist with a masochistic approach to physicality balanced with a sense of Anarchism, Existentialism and Eastern balance. I am a product of my experiences which have included being abused as a child, becoming a punk rocker in my teens, military service, extensive travel, half a decade as a Correctional Officer, nearly a decade of being a school teacher, Father and husband. From my resume, it is clear why my mind may yield itself more to the darkness than the light when it comes to views of humanity.

Needless to say, as Yoga has been a large part of my life, I have become largely disfranchised with it's present population and corporate manipulation. Like all Westernised flavour of the months, it's lost it's soul and has been reduced to a very shallow state of itself - but hey, it makes some folks happy, so it's all good, yes? Bollocks!

In essence, Yoga is a thing of simplicity. It is about learning about your body and observing it's limitations, on which we can endeavour to improve. In true Yoga, there is no fluff, no need to sport turbans or to walk around in guise that we are simply pleasant butterflies in a great earthly garden. Yes, Yoga is about finding inner peace, but not the type of peace where we are all floating in an ethereal state of near fundamentalist Christian purity. Nor is Yoga about the latest line from Lululemon, the plethora of cosmetic and miracle life changing trinkets advertised in the some dozen or so Yoga magazines which seem to sell the same body image rubbish as Cosmo and the other vanity rags.

It is sad to see the state of Yoga today. I am presently taking a course on teaching Yoga to children. To be honest, I feel far more qualified to teach it than the instructor. I am one man in a room with 17 women. Some people are taking this class having never taken Yoga before themselves. Seriously! Can you imagine teaching German if you've never spoken it? Yet, each year, hundreds of thousands of Yoga Instructors are certified as teachers. With this, and the corporate franchising of Yoga, we see how the dilution has begotten itself.

So this has caused me to reflect on Yogis of today, and I have grouped them into 4 separate tribes (because tribes are trendy these days). They are as follows (with definitions):

The Lulus: I will begin here as these are the ultimate poseurs of the poses. These are the ones who subscribe to a strict fashion code (largely Lululemonised), get the tattoos with 'om' or whatever on them and read the latest 'secret' or Oprah related texts. They are all about 'getting into themselves' which manifests in some form of perverse vanity and their activism or humanism goes little further than giving the change from their latte or caramel macchiato as a tip to their Starbucks barrista.
The Lost: These are the folks, often suffering from depression or low self esteem, who are willing to believe the latest quick-fix emotional, nutritional or holistic approach on the market recommended by Dr. Phil or whatever other guru is being perpetuated in the media or on the New York Times Bestseller List. The sad thing about the Lost, is the more they look, the more lost they become.
The Lunas: Lunas are similar to the lost, minus the lack of direction. These are the folks who believe that there are angels around, every Rune, Tarot and crystal alters reality and the cosmos. These people often dress as though they are from an Eastern culture and often have a glazed sparkle in their eyes - like you are talking to a doll. Overall, the Lunas are very pleasant an overly nice folks who mean no harm.
The Legits: Legits are those who take all that have know, build on that knowledge and challenge their assumptions. They are those who need not trinkets, amulets and that moments of realisation are more like the passing of wind quietly at a dinner party than a colossal asteroid hitting the earth. They do what feels right, challenge authority, question everything and don't believe that anything is ever black and white. Most often, they don't fit in, and don't mind that they don't. These folks are often full of shit and idealistic at the outset, but, over time, they mellow like a fine Scotch and write blogs like mine.

And these are the four tribes of Yogis. Granted, some folks may be mostly one of the four, but have traces of the others (this coming from a Legit who does not believe that anything is black and white... which is a tad ironic in this context...).

In closing, I will simply close with no ending because I have said what I wanted to say and do not care to carry on with my thoughts any further.

2010-08-17T17:42:00.002-06:00

Yoga Tribalism Examined

OK, first in foremost, I am a crusty old misanthropic codger, prone to making outlandish statements. If you read my blog, you will know this. If you know me, you will believe this because it is truth. I spend most my time on the fringe, placing myself on a pedestal, much like Nietzsche's Zarathustra in my own head, and attack the apathetic status quo of sheep-gened masses that we call society and pop culture. While perhaps outrageous, my goal, more often than not, is to rattle cages and cause people to think. Many folks turn me out as a result of my approach. Other's might find something worthwhile in what I say, and then resume their benign existence. If this were a Harry Potter novel, I most definitely would be Voldemort. So, that's how it is...

Right so! On to my main topic.

I started doing Yoga in 1997, just before it became big. In my first few years, I studied Yoga, and became a convert to the Eastern Philosophies of Buddhism and Taoism. From that point I continued to read numerous books on Yoga and other 'spirtual' philosophies, as well as contemporary Western Philosophy. If I were to describe myself, it would be as an over-stuffed academic pacifist with a masochistic approach to physicality balanced with a sense of Anarchism, Existentialism and Eastern balance. I am a product of my experiences which have included being abused as a child, becoming a punk rocker in my teens, military service, extensive travel, half a decade as a Correctional Officer, nearly a decade of being a school teacher, Father and husband. From my resume, it is clear why my mind may yield itself more to the darkness than the light when it comes to views of humanity.

Needless to say, as Yoga has been a large part of my life, I have become largely disfranchised with it's present population and corporate manipulation. Like all Westernised flavour of the months, it's lost it's soul and has been reduced to a very shallow state of itself - but hey, it makes some folks happy, so it's all good, yes? Bollocks!

In essence, Yoga is a thing of simplicity. It is about learning about your body and observing it's limitations, on which we can endeavour to improve. In true Yoga, there is no fluff, no need to sport turbans or to walk around in guise that we are simply pleasant butterflies in a great earthly garden. Yes, Yoga is about finding inner peace, but not the type of peace where we are all floating in an ethereal state of near fundamentalist Christian purity. Nor is Yoga about the latest line from Lululemon, the plethora of cosmetic and miracle life changing trinkets advertised in the some dozen or so Yoga magazines which seem to sell the same body image rubbish as Cosmo and the other vanity rags.

It is sad to see the state of Yoga today. I am presently taking a course on teaching Yoga to children. To be honest, I feel far more qualified to teach it than the instructor. I am one man in a room with 17 women. Some people are taking this class having never taken Yoga before themselves. Seriously! Can you imagine teaching German if you've never spoken it? Yet, each year, hundreds of thousands of Yoga Instructors are certified as teachers. With this, and the corporate franchising of Yoga, we see how the dilution has begotten itself.

So this has caused me to reflect on Yogis of today, and I have grouped them into 4 separate tribes (because tribes are trendy these days). They are as follows (with definitions):

The Lulus: I will begin here as these are the ultimate poseurs of the poses. These are the ones who subscribe to a strict fashion code (largely Lululemonised), get the tattoos with 'om' or whatever on them and read the latest 'secret' or Oprah related texts. They are all about 'getting into themselves' which manifests in some form of perverse vanity and their activism or humanism goes little further than giving the change from their latte or caramel macchiato as a tip to their Starbucks barrista.
The Lost: These are the folks, often suffering from depression or low self esteem, who are willing to believe the latest quick-fix emotional, nutritional or holistic approach on the market recommended by Dr. Phil or whatever other guru is being perpetuated in the media or on the New York Times Bestseller List. The sad thing about the Lost, is the more they look, the more lost they become.
The Lunas: Lunas are similar to the lost, minus the lack of direction. These are the folks who believe that there are angels around, every Rune, Tarot and crystal alters reality and the cosmos. These people often dress as though they are from an Eastern culture and often have a glazed sparkle in their eyes - like you are talking to a doll. Overall, the Lunas are very pleasant an overly nice folks who mean no harm.
The Legits: Legits are those who take all that have know, build on that knowledge and challenge their assumptions. They are those who need not trinkets, amulets and that moments of realisation are more like the passing of wind quietly at a dinner party than a colossal asteroid hitting the earth. They do what feels right, challenge authority, question everything and don't believe that anything is ever black and white. Most often, they don't fit in, and don't mind that they don't. These folks are often full of shit and idealistic at the outset, but, over time, they mellow like a fine Scotch and write blogs like mine.

2010-08-09T11:13:00.016-06:00

Summer Adventures

It's been a crazy kind of Summer. Near the end of June I ruptured my bicep tendon while rock climbing, which landed me in the hospital and required surgery to repair. Needless to say that I was devastated. I hit some pretty low points, before I started feeling good about things again. In any case, my spirits did begin to lift as recovery did its thing, and I maximised what still worked to the best of my ability. Life goes on.

So, below are some photos from a bit of what I did do this summer, which included reaching the summits, solo, of three different mountains: Whistlers Mountain (2470 m), Cinquefoil Mountain (2260 m) and Mt. Wilcox (2884 m). It was quite the journey from the hospital bed, the mental demons being the worst.

2010-07-08T09:57:00.003-06:00

As I Lay Healing

My summer season has started off horribly. While Rock Climbing a couple of weeks ago, I made a lunging move for a hold. I missed, heard a snap/crack sound, followed by an excruciating pain, similar to smacking one's funny bone, radiating down the bicep/elbow/forearm area. My initial assessment was that I had managed to whack my bicep on a hold as I fell. Sitting in my harness for a few moments, trying to shake it off, then reaching out for a hold, resulted in my arm screaming 'STOP!' and my decision to be belayed down.

My partner and I sat for a wee bit, and shortly decided that we should call it quits for the day. That lead to our next decision: go for a pint and then go home and ice it, or go to the E.R.? I have had numerous injuries in my near 42 years and, admittedly, I am a bit stupid when it comes to pain. It's often difficult to gauge the degree of an injury to a muscle/tendon as the margins for severity are vast and, from my personal experience, it's often difficult to determine if one's simply sustained a nasty bruise or suffered a strain, rip or pull. It wasn't until I looked at my two arms next to each other that a significant void had appeared in the area that I had hurt.

It was off to the E.R. then. After a prolonged wait, I saw a doctor who pretty much immediately gave me the grim diagnosis that I had ruptured my bicep and would require surgery. I was devastated as I saw my summer activities drain away, swapped with a painful procedure and recovery process. No kayaking, climbing or mountain biking. I was completely gutted.

At this point I could go on a lengthy tirade about our medical system. About how I had to wait over a week to have my surgery. About being admitted to hospital on a Tuesday and having to repeat an average of 18 hours of fasting for three days, but getting bumped from the O.R. list at the day's end. About not being kept informed as to what my surgery would entail. There's simply no point and, in the end, I am lucky to have had the surgery at all and, compared to the circumstances far more dire being faced by others, a buggered arm is minor.

This being said, and as a product of my western bourgeois life, I am left with lots of time on my hands to contemplate my future as they pertain to activities. I am a physical person. It's largely who I am and what I do. I pride myself on the fact that I'm coming up on the ripe age of 42, yet can keep pace and even surpass people half my age when it comes to physical activities. Now I am faced with close to a year before I can train as 'normal'. I also need to assess whether or not I will go rock climbing again, or if the risk of injury, coupled with age, make it worth my while. Last summer I took some nasty tumbles off my mountain bike, sustaining a fair number of abrasions and bruises. Being freaked out by injury now, makes me question if I will ride as I once did.

And this is the scary part of it all - living with that fear. Letting fear guide your decisions and ambitions in life is no way to live, at least not from my point of view. I am by no means a reckless individual, but I do live to push my limits. I subscribe to Neitzsche's idea that "He who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance; one cannot fly into flying." My aspirations are always to fly in the end, but I enjoy the build up and training that eventually results in such a goal. This being said, if one becomes fearful of simply standing, then one simply will not achieve that, let alone more lofty aspirations. And it is at this point of trying to stand that I am presently unsure of myself. Neitzsche continues by asking: "Is life not a thousand times too short for us to bore ourselves?" This is resonate of the mantra inscribed on my tattoo which quotes Helen Keller: "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing".

The rational response to my quandary is to simply take one day at a time. The journey. The slowly measured paces and conditioning necessary to achieve one's arrival. This makes perfect sense if it were possible to separate the rational from the emotional. Ultimately, the aspect of fear will influence my ability to think rationally, creating a catch-22 of sorts. Being over cautious or over exuberant are both likely outcomes, neither allowing one to gain any sense of certainty nor allowing me to find the secure footing necessary to carrying onward. I know, as I mend, the anxiety of my situation will dissipate to some extent, but that's not where my head is at right now. Even realising this does not result in any abatement of my anxieties.

In the end, I try to live according to the Buddha's teachings of being in the moment, freeing myself from my attachments and accepting that we all must endure certain hardships over one's life. In the same breath, accepting these very sensible teachings and knowing, deep down, that they are spot on is one thing, habituating these teachings - to live the message - is quite another.

This is, in essence, life. Never black or white; never truly anything accept that which it is. As the Buddha taught: "Ambition is like love, impatient both of delays and rivals." and, such is the manner of my ambitions and life. I take myself way too seriously, given the insignificance of the tiny corner of time which I inhabit. In context, however, my insignificant piece is all that I will ever know, making the microscopic grain monolithic in my mind. To conclude, the Buddha taught; "We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world."Thus I must fortify my mind as it wages against matter. To be that monolith in its microscopic milieu. It is all I will ever have.

2010-05-27T18:12:00.002-06:00

Letter to The Edmonton Journal

As teachers take their jibes about having two months off in the Summer, are portrayed as being greedy in the media and face the latest in Government reneging and cuts, I get both frustrated and annoyed.

Yes, I am a Teacher, so, you can take what I have to say as being biased.

Let us begin with the role of Educators in our society. To begin, Teachers play a massive role in the nurturing of our greatest resource: children. The first thirteen and most formative years of a person's being are under the care of Teachers who prepare our furture generation of trades people, health care professionals, lawyers, educators, bankers and business elite. Without the assistance of Educational professionals, these people would largely be non-existent. If you can read this or articulate an argument for or against what I am saying, odds are that you owe it to a Teacher. CEOs, brain surgeons and, yes, even politicians, all who make substantially larger salaries than any Teacher, came to their positions largely because of the knowledge, skills and passions cultivated at school. While I'm not advocating that a Teacher should earn the same amount as a heart surgeon, one could, quite reasonably do so, especially against the back drop of inflated wages in other professions.

Our perspective as a society is distorted. In professional sports it is completely acceptable to offer star players multi-million dollar contracts to put a team on top, yet we do not apply the same manner of thinking to a child's education. This is because society has come to take Education and Teachers for granted. Tax payers who moan that their taxes pay for school boards, even though they have no children themselves reflects this further. We pay significantly more each year to house maximum security inmates than we do for a single child's learning (inmates get paid to go to school while inside as well, and never have to learn on an empty stomach). What does this say about our priorities as a society?

I'm not going to talk about how difficult the job of being a Teacher is as I respect the fact that all careers have their share of stress and sense of being over-worked. I signed up to be a Teacher and accept the slogging and rewards that come with my chosen profession. It's the lack of respect that I take issue with. The fact that bureaucrats largely shape policy, not heeding the advice of Educational professionals (i.e. full integration of Special Needs students), that Teachers are often portrayed as being greedy and holding students as mere bargaining chips (pure Government propaganda), and that Governments continue to cut and take and expect Teachers to do more with less, while padding the accounts and giving massive tax breaks to the big corporations. And it's not just Teachers who receive such poor treatment as any health care professional can attest.

Perhaps the short sightedness of our politicians and much of the public opinion and apathy is a testament to how past cuts in Education are playing out in the present. As a Teacher, I simply want to share my perspective; to add my voice. Whether you agree or disagree with me matters little. What does matter is that you are able to look at this situation critically and form an educated opinion of your own.

2010-05-22T11:08:00.001-06:00

Letter to the Edmonton Journal:

As a tax payer and someone who wants to 'live' in Edmonton, I grow weary of all this palaver about "putting Edmonton on the map as a world class city". Indy Car racing carrying costs in the millions, a World's Fair bid and Katz wanting to build an arena downtown but not flit the bill - the visionaries behind these notions are misguided (unless we look through to their ulterior motives of personal gain and lining their associate's pockets).

Think of any 'world class city': New York, London, Paris, Dublin, Tokyo. What draws people there consistently over the decades? Arenas? Specific sporting events? Fairs? No. People flock to these great cities because they are thriving with culture, history or reputations for having a variety of districts that satisfy a broad range of demographics. While advantaged by their age, these cities have been built up over time by the people who live there to serve their needs and create an aesthetic one would want to call home. If we want such a legacy for ourselves, then we need to sway from our urban sprawl and utilitarian cookie cutter architecture and begin to truly build our city. We are not thinking long term here.

As I stated in my opening, my desire is to 'live' in Edmonton. That means that I want my tax dollars supporting infrastructure and venues that will provide me with a variety of options in activities and aesthetics: green spaces and public parks, galleries, efficient transit system, unique neighbourhoods, good roads, safe streets, community festivals, etc. Indy Car races and arenas are fine, but not at the tax payers expense. The World's Fair's impact would be fleeting at best for Edmonton, and leave us with a debt legacy that would far surpass our global popularity. Let's make Edmonton an awesome place for Edmontonians to live, and that will attract more people and business to our city. To diversify our business and industry, we must provide a diversity of qualitative living experience that will make others want to make our city their home.

2010-05-16T21:25:00.002-06:00

Quack

Bright and early this morning, my friend Kevin and I headed out to Elk Island National Park to put our kayaks in for the first time this year. Unlike last year, when our eagerness saw us on the lake before the ice had gone and I capsized my boat under the ice, this morning was as perfect of a day one could wish for. The trip toward the lake saw us pass large numbers of wild Wood and Plains Bison - some of these majestic creatures going about there way mere feet from the passing window of our car. being in the presence of such creatures gives me a sense of solace which has been absent from my being since winter's harshness sends me into that depressed hibernation, and provides me with perspectives on simplicity and life.

As our boats made their tour of the lake's shore and tiny Islands, the bird life around us offered entertainment, a colourful canvas amongst the rippling, sparkling waves, and a soundtrack that has substance and soul. There's the often irate Canadian Geese who scold you as they are temperamental at the best of times; this terse nature becomes amplified when protecting their nests. We hung out with a flock of some twenty pelicans for a while. Then there's the variety of ducks who make the boggy areas along the shore home.

I must say that I am partial to ducks. They are beautiful fowl who possess an amazing prowess in both flight and swimming. What I love most about ducks is there general playfulness and the pure satisfaction the 'quacking' sound gives me. In fact, a duck says more in a 'quack' then we could ever convey in our languages as humans.

Think about it: ducks have been around for millenniums - like the chicken, relatives of the dinosaurs. While we may mock their simplicity of being and bird-brainedness as we see our civilisations rise and fall, technology expand beyond the limits of what we ever perceived possible, blah, blah, blah., ducks have continued to be... well... ducks. Their limited lexicon communicates everything that they need to say in order to live, fly as a group, mate, etc. They have not fallen the victim to 'higher consciousness' as we would describe it, with our medical miracles, genocides, worship of the almighty dollar and promulgated laws that run contrary to, but are necessary because, of our nature. There are no lawyers, prisons or therapists in the duck world. They don't have problems with obesity or drug abuse. Life and the trials of their day roll off them like...er... water off a duck's back. Obviously humanity are not ducks, nor are we capable of living such simple lives, but that doesn't mean we can't gain some perspective from our observations.

Sometimes, 'quack' says it all....

2010-05-08T20:06:00.002-06:00

"Impressions, Ink..."

Gutenberg, 1440
Printing Press presents
gateways, escapes,
knowledge, life beyond;
muting mundane in chaptered moments
the weight of your spine, bound firm
cradled in kneading, calloused hands
organic musk of pulpy page, made more comfortable with every turn
ignites craving spirit as a slogan to revolution
filling world-heavy heart
with hope, release;
moments caressing each line, type faced
curves, fathom further, deeper meaning
often found, sometimes lost as we oftentimes, ourselves, find
this separate world, safely bound
between protective covers
keeping it safe so it can be
re-read and re-read as an oath or prayer,
comforting, regardless of our seclusion,
despite every story coming to
completion, leaving us
empty again, yet, somehow, full.

We continue to pull from the shelf...
burned, exploited, perceived
in many, many ways - torn, crumpled,
made into boats or planes
ink, like blood, bookmarks places:
paradise, purgatory, hell
I could never put you down,
despite distractions: TV, iBooks, the Net-
those cold plastic and glass projections, unnaturally powered,
void of substance and soul,
my blood, too, marks this page
as a testament to a dwindling empire-
can you feel your immortality?
life in a life,
spelling and weaving ways
that never I promulgated could come to pass,
perpetually bound, fearing only the dust
which inevitably will consume me
in a final chapter, perhaps never fully explored,
wherein, the end.

2010-04-21T21:00:00.002-06:00

When Is It Time?

Falling out of time again
from the point where we needed to be
searching soul, for a way,
leads back only to where we've been
this world seems so sublime
as we fall down over and over again
when is it time?

If you can't lie now to yourself
you'd better learn to believe
determine your needs now from your wants
and wear this mask - at all times
if you can't lie now to yourself
you'd better learn believe
and accept your lot in which you're caught
false faith is what you've got...or not

I can't tell what this life should be
comedy or tragedy?
we have a need to find a way
to that point where we're all being forced to see
and if this life lets us down
know we had a hand in it's script
hero or the clown?
to trip or to rip?

If you can't lie now to yourself
you'd better learn to believe
determine your needs now from your wants
and wear this mask - at all times
if you can't lie now to yourself
you'd better learn believe
and accept your lot in which you're caught
false faith is what you've got, it's what you sought

Shakespeare said the world's a stage
but never gave a map to the trap doors
the things that we threw away
the things we made ourselves ignore
and when this mirror makes us cry
over and over again
when is it time?

If you can't lie now to yourself
you'd better learn to believe
determine your needs now from your wants
and wear this mask - at all times
if you can't lie now to yourself
you'd better learn believe
and accept your lot in which you're caught
false faith is what you've got, on ourselves it was brought
If you can't lie now to yourself
you'd better learn to believe
determine your needs now from your wants
and wear this mask - at all times
if you can't lie now to yourself
you'd better learn believe
and accept your lot in which you're caught
false faith is what you've got, or it's all for naught

2010-04-19T20:17:00.002-06:00

Ambitions of a Tinker

I've lived to tell the tale
of agony and frustration
survived the battles of
self-imposed self-altercations
and made my best to find the way
while reason often alludes me
for I'm an idealistic fool
I posses this tenacious ambition
that I can never keep at bay

Pursuit of passion and contentment
may be nothing but a dream
though I feel like hell and wish I were well,
I know life is never as it seems
for the poet's like a tinker
whose heart's always for the road
life goes on, and so must I
no matter the weight of this load

For when the wagon's no longer moving
and this life comes to an end
bowed at the back, a confidence that lacks,
miles are measured by your friends
no sunrises or sunsets
ever define a perfect day
for perfection is an infection
and is what leads us astray

For I've lived to tell the tale
of self-imposed self altercations
survived the battles of
agony and frustrations
and made my best to find the way
while dreams often allude me
for I'm an idealistic fool
I posses this tenacious condition
that I can never keep at bay

2010-04-14T19:29:00.002-06:00

Reflections On Feeding My Gecko

This evening I was feeding a live worm to my leopard gecko. I dropped the tanned tubular being into my lizard's tank, and in a flash and a couple sharp tosses of a freckled head, the worm ceased its existence.

When we reflect on this, it offers some perspective on our lives and the absurd nature of our being. In the end, the worm is as much a living thing and a part of the planet as human beings are. Certainly humans are of a far higher intellectual order, but from biological perspective, we are no more or less living than the aforementioned worm and hungry gecko.

It is our nature to present ourselves as having a greater worth or significance over other living things. For one, being ego driven creatures with the ability to think abstractly, it is our subjective nature to make us possess such a self-perception. We place ourselves in our planetary position, because we can, not because we are. Certainly no other creature on the planet contrives gods and their superiority on the planet, as they are simply consumed by their instinct to survive and live according to laws that will ensure the perpetuation of their species. We interpret this difference to infer our superiority and greater life value over the rest of our world. Humans have the ability and thus are compelled to seek the answers to higher order questions, as well as imposing social structures that, while in defense of these theories, creeds and philosophies, often run contrary to nature. Weapons of mass destruction are a clear indication of this. What species, regardless of territoriality, would fabricate the instruments of species extinction? Many of our laws lead to disorder and revolution as they are not true laws of nature, and instinct marred with intellect leads to such conflicts. Religion is, of course, the pinnacle of intellect and reason poisoned by ego and alpha tendencies. There is something to be said in that all the answers we seek are to questions which we have, ourselves, created. To use Pascal's Wager as an allegory: "It does not matter whether or not that I believe God exists". Then there are the words of Friedrich Nietzsche: "The irrationality of a thing is no argument against its existence, rather a condition of it."...and this is life in a nutshell, with all it's perceived complexities.

In the end, the truth is that we are no more or less significant than the worm who, tonight, met its mortal fate. We too shall have our time. This does not mean that we do not value one another and have meaningful relationships, but rather refers to a physical, not emotional, worth. There is a beauty in all of this and, if you really think about it, this is a liberating notion (agreed, driven by the fabrications of intellect and ego). Ours should be of a nature to survive, live in peace and enjoy the fruits of our possibilities without constraint. We need not be weighted down with the sense of divine rights of Kings in relationship to the rest of the world, to gain needless possessions or gain power and ownership over one another. This is all contrary to survival and nothing more than sources of suffering, limitations and living death. We simply are a part of something greater, will have our time, come to pass, be mourned by those who survive us and then are lost to history. Our present significance and issues seem colossal, but, relatively speaking, few things in life truly are. To close in the words of Buddha: "All things appear and disappear because of the concurrence of causes and conditions. Nothing ever exists entirely alone; everything is in relation to everything else." This is all life is and, to live outside of this balance, is futile and nihilistic. In the end, we will one day be consumed by the worm.

2010-04-11T21:00:00.001-06:00

Strings Attached

Well you know I'm rather artsy
and it affects the way I think
I bear my soul to those I don't know
like a man out on the drink
I espouse my thoughts and philosophies
but sober I remain
knowing full well, those ideals upon which I dwell
cause me nothing more than pain
life imitating Art you see
is nothing more than a dream
for conservative conventions usurp our intentions
and stitch us up at the seams
I'm freakish as on the fringe I hang
attached by this garroting thread
judged for believing differently
and the controversial things I've said
tell me what is the point of carrying on this way
trying to make water in to wine?
it's not a tale that I can swallow or system I'd follow
but I chase it all the time
tell me what is the point of carrying on this way
and trying to make my mark?
when the crowds they will crush you,
with tarred brush they will rush you
snuffing out that faint spark
For you know I'm rather artsy
and it affects the way I think
I feel so pathetic, wish I were apathetic,
or could drown away into drink
Yes, you know I'm rather artsy
and it affects the way I think
but I'm hooked to the seam, attached by a dream
so I'll give a nod and a wink...

2010-04-10T14:07:00.002-06:00

The Yielding Limb

You sit alone
amidst strong yielding trees
as the wind, it howls
born of a breeze
the ghost of thoughts
rove swirling round your head
mixing pleasure with all that you dread
mixing pleasure with all that you dread

Away from home
where you can not dwell
and dogmatic circumstances
of this personal hell
the life you live
and the one of which you wish
leave you broken by all that's amiss

Why do we even try
to live in a world that
makes us deny?
O why, O why do we try
in a world where
our dreams are denied?

The days we spend
in a life so brief
stuck and gutted
like a wretched wreck on a reef
a sea that's so vast
filled with beauty and strife
the cruel savage nature of life
the cruel savage nature of life

Thoughts of a day
when these winds fill your sails
and the tempest desists
pulling you through this gale
to be in a place
as a tree rooted and sound
bend but not broken on the ground

Why do we even try
to live in a world that
makes us deny?
O why, O why do we try
in a world where
our dreams are denied?

2010-04-02T16:49:00.003-06:00

Living in the Culture of Fear

The culture of fear
leaves us little release
stuck like a crumb
in the throat of the beast
the violence and terror
we need to be freed from
get passed on down
through the barrel of a gun
what if we all just ignored
the lies that have been set
can we ever be separated
from the greed that we beget?

Weapons in space
are the next bold frontier
billions blast off
this brilliant blue sphere
despite starving millions
they still make their case
to defend our freedom,
justifying this waste
but what kind of freedom is it
with everyone in someone's sights
pawns of power we've become,
swords, bombs now satellites

Now this hate they sell
creates this hell,
and we're lost forever more
for the culture of fear
drives us all to tears
and we're lost forever more

I try to live life
the best that I can
but just like the love
of a woman and man
nothing is simple
and sometimes we quit
or we're too overwhelmed
by society's whip
but what matter are our lives
when so many each day are lost
things will never ever change
if we keep paying the cost

The culture of fear
leaves us little release
though some of us try,
taking the throat of the beast
choose what to swallow, don't wallow
but choose to ask why
and live fully this day
for on one tomorrow we die.

2010-03-31T21:21:00.002-06:00

Lighting

The soft Halifax lights
gently painted the pier
as I shared all my sorrows
and you fought with your fears
given no heed
to the rats running near
or the condoms that swan in the drink

The salt in the night
mixed with the mist
we were both in our twenties
and pleasantly pissed
so long ago,
and so sadly missed
the days before we were fallen

The ferry's low grumble
haunted buoy bell
like a call to meditation
danced with the water's calm swell
the drama from then,
nothing like this hell
unlike now, those days were not wasted

Now in mid life
I think to this thought
and the shite that kills passion
with all that it's wrought
like a fish in a net
panicked and caught
the gull o'er head a-swarming

Though there's still beauty
in all that I see
I'm troubled by
this black agony
a sinking old feeling
that we'll never be free
the lights bleached white by the morning

2010-03-29T20:31:00.002-06:00

Scars of Passion

Do we live dispassionate lives
for security's sake
or curse caution to wind,
take the bed that we make?
do we question the road
we decided to take
living lives of numb apathy?
or is this life
a measured ol' test
that's to be lead by the head,
not the heart in our breast?
to make time for living,
do we make time for rest?
a spurious sense of security

Winds of change
Can't you hear them calling?
Swept our breath
Since we first started bawling
There at your back
Resist, they're lashes,
And one day
They'll scatter your ashes

I wake up each morning
and question the day
I suppose I should seize it,
but my mind works this way
and not of what all others say
gives me a sense of genial peace
the dreams from my heart
have infected my head
and by Christ I will chase them
til my last page's been read
I believe there's different ways
that our passions are fed
That quarry, boys, can never cease

Winds of change
Can't you hear them calling?
Swept our breath
Since we first started bawling
There at your back
Resist, they're lashes,
And one day
They'll scatter your ashes
And so I go
Forward falling
the winds of change
I hear them calling
My heart is swept
Never by fashion
Bleeding alone,
The Scars of Passion

2010-03-20T21:16:00.002-06:00

Self-doubt and Anxiety

When I express self-doubt and anxiety
perhaps you think I'm being coy
that I do it for sympathy
or it's the attention I enjoy
but if you only knew the thoughts
that race inside my head
you'd be gobsmacked in wonderment
of how the Christ that I'm not dead
I feel caught and confined,
a captive, in convention's cage
Bottling up my passions
and building up my rage
a masochist, an idealist
a defeatist dreamer as well
whose witnessed the moment's majesty
that traps me tumultuously in this hell
I know that I think too much,
analyse my state of being,
feeling that there's always something else
that we should all be seeing
this introspection's caused infection
withering any healthy, contented hope
pushed me to the brink before,
but I stepped back from the rope
though defeatist, I still dream
and want to see the day
when the world seems to make sense
and I'm not left to feel this way
but I'd rather feel this pain and go insane
from clinging to the belief
that the chance might still exist
to give me some relief
I wish your words would change me
or that the books that I've explored
whose seeds have well been planted
but can't surface through the manure,
would bloom through the gloom that I've assumed,
that battles my optimism down
that I would see my self as more
then being just another bloody clown
I know I've seen the beauty
in all life's sincerity
but little can we taste it
for social intangibilities
so when I express self-doubt and anxiety
I'm not trying to be coy
I'm not seeking your sympathy
for none of this I do enjoy
for now you know the torturing thoughts
that race inside my head
I'm gobsmacked in total wonderment
of how the fuck that I'm not dead.

2010-03-20T19:52:00.002-06:00

Wish

I wish there was a way
that I could climb outside my head
and I wish that I would not read
into every word that's said
O I wish I wasn't a wisher
and I wish I knew a way
to pull it all together
to know it'll be okay

I've read the books on Buddha,
The Gita and the Tao
it all makes perfect sense to me
but still I wonder how
to tame my thoughts,
to accept my lot
and not wish it away
the 'what could be's' and reality's
leave my mind in disarray

When imagination wanders
and insecurity sets its trap
you wonder if what's sent your way
just fell into your lap?
Or is there some fated destiny
whose course has long been set?
you question each decision you've made
wonder if them you will regret

Perhaps the day will come my way
when I send caution to the wind
to hell with what they all will say,
their purgatory and sin
and if I end up like Lazarus
with scorched and broken wings
I'll hold on tight to that moment of flight
and I won't regret a thing

I wish there was another way
to live the dreams inside my head
and I wish words that I heard
meant the things they said
O I wish I wasn't a wisher
and I wish I knew a way
to pull it all together
to know it'll be okay

2010-03-18T22:20:00.001-06:00

All Passions Subdued

I'd like to believe
there was some sort of fate
heaven for who spreads peace,
hell for those who spread hate
so many bills, now well long over due
to live in a way
with all passions subdued
So focused on living
we've lost how to live
so used to taking
we don't know how to give
time denies freedom
time makes us all old
time makes us all fearful
crushed, so dreams never unfold

I'd like to believe it
but know it's not true
we live in the same world
but I can't be with you
we've established these customs
our old ball and chain
as we dampen the heart
with the juice of the brain
live in self denial
forcing needs to become wants
like Adam and Eve
and the snake with his taunts
we make sense of it all
with senseless old rules
since we only live once
we're left cheated like fools

I'd like to believe
there was some sort of fate
that allowed one to savour
the joys life creates
the beauty of passion
the beauty of who
can still give themselves
free rein to be true
but the denial masks honesty
till we don't know our self
pack it away
on our mind's darkened back shelf
time ticks and torches
yet another day
feted with frustrations,
feeling this way

Byron said "society's
one big flagrant horde,
comprised of two tribes:
the bores and the bored"
we've grown so complacent
scrutiny all that we do
so many philosophies on life
but it seems nothing's new
for we think and we chat
and we talk a good game
but in the end
it's all bloody the same
we've lost our simplicity
and organic way
it tears me apart,
for I too think this way

I'd like to believe
there was some sort of fate
that would figure things out
before life closes the gate
I'd like to believe
that all passion's not lost;
a time where natural beauty
carries not such an exuberant cost.

2010-03-09T22:06:00.001-07:00

Foc'sle

Furrows etched deep in my brow
wondering where life takes me now
as I drift from shore to shore
I find strange that which once before
was considered dear and all I had
a fine wine that one day went bad
craving still that sweet satiety taste
of passions that I once embraced
for now it seems my race is run
and ragged, I feel like I'm done
at each turn we play a card
but a gambler's life's so goddamn hard
Ah what, without chance, would life be?
a hopeless road of misery
for hope's the flame we must keep strong
when it's all to shite and all gone wrong
a sense that time cullys is clear
in each day and passing year
so much beauty life can contain
if you can lay down for the pain
and at day's end if you have found
your wavering pegs on solid ground
you know another day is yours
and you've made it safe again to shore
life's but a bauble of toil and cost
yet still we might find what we've lost
re-kindle sparks like beacons glow
transformed to the flame we did dearly know
come live this life and seize this day,
may you find your self along the way
until the deeps take us below
haul away, a-way!

2010-03-03T19:03:00.002-07:00

Our Time

In Canadian society, we have formed a very unhealthy relationship with time. Since we began measuring life in years, months, days, hours, minutes, seconds and even hundredths of seconds, we have moved further away from our "organic" state being, into one with a false sense of synchronicity, calibration and chronology. While this structure aids us in many ways, undeniably, it also establishes an illusionary fear that permeates us to our very spirit. In our language, how often do we hear euphemisms such as "time is our greatest enemy", "we are battling the clock"or that we must "fight the signs of aging"? Words like "deadline" also surmises our fear and leads us through life, fixated often, on our mortal end. In our 24/7 world, we are stressed, 'live' at a pace that precludes us from any real 'living' and robs us of our live's simplistic beauty and needs.

Think of some of the health issues that we face in this modern day, and ask: how many results from our anxiety or fear created by time as we know it? Then ask: what is the validity and basis of these fears? The Buddha taught us that there are a few things that we can not avoid in life: aging, illness and death. These things can not be changed, yet we seem irrationally fixated on trying to do so. How often are we distracted in the present, panicking about the past or the future- what needs to be done, and what is the fee for chasing such illusions? I am not advocating that we do not plan for the future, nor denying that we are products of our past. What I am saying is that we need to be conscious of what we are doing in the present - the only point in our existence that we do influence, and act accordingly. Would we not think someone to be mad if they dedicated their lives sitting in front of a stone and wishing it to become a flower?

The Christian "Serenity Prayer" speaks volumes:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace

Many of us do not enjoy the moment. We must realise that life is the journey and that the fulfillment of goals lies in the process. We are where we are at this very moment. This may, at present, be a time that is passing through boredom, a sense of loss, self-doubt, immense joy, ecstasy or peace. Regardless, this moment is also fleeting and will not last forever. Finding joy in during the times of difficulty, such as the solace of a dear friend when the rest of the world seems to be gone to hell in a hand-basket, will allow us to maintain that sense of joy and the simple beauty and wonder which is the moment, and therefore, our lives. We have a sense of what is good and what is not, and I completely believe that "if it feels good then it probably is".

In the end, time will pass, irregardless of how we choose to live. Should the world turn to dust one day is of no matter, nor is it a sad thought as we are not presently in that world any more than we are in any other point of the past or future. Likewise, a life of joy or misery is largely determined by us. Truly, how you decide to live your life is solely your concern. That being said, a life of happiness, joy and peace is most likely what we each seek in our own way.

I am sharing these thoughts to assist the battles that I face in my mind a mind conditioned to accept so many of our imposed societal constrictions and sense of growing older- but also because I share the hope that others will find their own inner peace and reconcile within our social confines. I am learning that the company of a good friend, the embrace of my daughter, peace on my Yoga mat, a nice Islay single malt, the craic that flows when I play music with my mates or a good book all surpass the fireworks and climaxes of life as they form the constancy of our experience. We need to make these moments happen more as opposed to filling our time with fretting, self-doubt or self-annihilation.

And so, I bid you all farewell and will leave you with one of my favourite Irish blessings:

“May the road rise up to meet you, may the wind be ever at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face and the rain fall softly on your fields. And until we meet again, May God hold you in the hollow of his hand.”

2010-02-27T14:14:00.002-07:00

To Be Well

As both an Educator and someone with a general/professional interest in Psychology, I am both excited and disheartened at the same time as the ideas of community and fulfillment saturate convention podiums, carve a significant niche on the Bestsellers Lists and offer a number of healthful alternatives to people at large. Just this past week at our local Teacher's Convention, I took in inspiring talks presented by Farley Flex and Gabor Mate. There were also a plethora of booths set up in the convention's trade hall to promote wellness and well being; asserting that health is a combination of mind, body and spirit.

As a Yogi who practices a hodge podge of Buddhism/Taoism/Hinduism/Wicca in my spiritual approach to life, I truly am ecstatic that people like Thich Nhat Hahn are being cited by respected Psychologists/Educators, and that people are searching the pages of writers like Eckhart Tolle and Don Miguel Ruiz for a meaning in life that extends both the dogmatic and crass materialism that presently permeates our North American society. We are suffering incredibly in this modern society that has abandoned life for a superficial 24/7 light show that has blinded our social senses, leads us toward the darkness of paranoia and fear of the human face, making surrogates of screens, and saturates us with the superficial. We are working, living in the red, working to feed this perpetual monster of computer upgrades, security, fast, cheap food and - still always working - obliteration of being. We are no longer organic beings as we live from want, not need, only to find the food in which this want is satiated to be flavourless and leaves us lethargic. Our bodies rebel in depression, anxiety, ADHD and general insanity of perpetuating the same and expecting a change in outcomes.

As I stated in my opening, I am excited to see our shift in Education and Psychology toward building communities again, families and genuine sense of life fulfillment. The problem, however, is two-fold, leading to my disheartenment. The first point of frustration is the apathy and effort required to create these changes. We are the high speed society whose interests, while sincere, tend not to develop due to our inability to reasonably make life changes against the tides and currents of the societal sea in which we swim. Even when working in jobs we love, as I do, the demands are excessive to the point that there's nothing left in the tank afterward. This negatively impacts one's family, leads to little community involvement because of fatigue and deters one from doing those other well-being activities necessary to ensure that sense of re-charging and rejuvenation. As a result, after not-so-hearty dinners, we crash in front of the television for the night which leaves us feeling flat and unfulfilled. Personally, I have been fighting this like a salmon returning up the river to spawn. I force myself to go to the gym, do Yoga, read, rock climb and play in a band, but all of these things are soiled by a sense of fatigue and much of it is more going through the motions as opposed to receiving any massive benefits. I am always run down, frustrated that I work my tail off but still have financial worries, and get sick often.

Money is my second issue with this movement. Heath and Well-being has become a brand, and, with this, come the charlatans, the quick fixers and all the other corporate trappings that has lead us down this path to begin with. While there are community centres offering some activities like Yoga for a low cost, one need only browse a Yoga magazine and read the ads for supplements, clothing, etc. to see that health is not cheap! There are billions being made. What's even more frightening is, now with their hooks deeply set, these corporations will drag people who have swallowed their version of things hook, line and sinker along for the ride, leaving many of them perhaps more messed up than when they started.

And, this is where we find ourselves. The question: when now will we look and what, if anything, will we, as individuals, do to begin re-building?

2010-02-14T21:25:00.000-07:00

Letter to the Edmonton Journal
February 14th, 2010

Like many Canadians, I've been glued to the TV watching our amazing athletes giving it their all in Vancouver at the Olympic Winter Games. Watching such exciting competition, I wonder why these sports do not regularly receive prime-time coverage on our sports networks? With the regular World Cup and international events being held every year, could we not perhaps bump some of the scintillating Poker coverage whose niche has embedded itself firmly on our screens for a bit more XC Skiing or Speedskating coverage? Who knows, if our athletes received more coverage in non-Olympic years, they might receive better sponsorships and be given the tools they need to maximize their skills and competitiveness. I know that we do get snippets here and there of some of these competitions like the Super-G, Bobsledding, etc. Still, one can not help but wonder what increased exposure would do for our athletes, not to mention the reach it may have to inspire other young Canadians to get involved in athletics.

Here's to the spirit of the games and a massive well done on those wonderful Canadian athletes representing the red and white! O Canada! Go Canada!

2010-01-28T19:01:00.003-07:00

When You, I Feel...

An article in yesterday's paper caught my eye. The gist of it was that there had been a job advertisement in the U.K., seeking someone who was "reliable", etc. It was determined that this advertisement was discriminatory against people who are "not reliable", and, as a result, the job ad was pulled.

You seriously can not make stuff like this up!

Such situations personify the ridiculous world of doublespeak that we have created over the past couple of decades. We are living in a world where we are unable to criticise others, dismiss a person from a job due to incompetence, maintain admittance standards and, quite honestly, have diluted our social discourse to the point that nothing importance gets said, regardless of validity, for fear of liable or reprisals.

I am often censored by friends, wife and colleagues due to my tendency to speak bluntly (and, admittedly sometimes over exuberantly). Needless to say, jaws often drop when I'm at a meeting or social situation when I call it like I see it. Outlandish, sometimes, I am, and often do go for shock value if only to emphasize my point. More often than not, I'll be told by others that they were thinking the same thing but would never have the audacity to say it. I admit that I have no respect for authority in that they are beyond reproach. Honestly, I've seen enough incompetent morons being raised to such positions through luck, nepotism and knowing the right person, that so many of those in positions of power do not deserve to be there nor are they worthy of respect. This is the era of the "yes man/woman" and they are breeding in their authoritarian ranks. Poster child for morons with ultimate power: former President of the U.S. George W. Bush.

Please don't misunderstand what I am saying here: I do give my utmost respect to those who earn it - the competent - even if we have opposing views. I'm not a lose cannon who goes off for the sake of hearing himself roar. I am not advocating belligerence (though belligerence may at times be necessary to press home a point). What I am stating is that we need to stand for something and not be afraid of standing up for it, no matter who our challenger is. I mess up and step out of line often, and accept my lumps thoughtfully. If I screwed up, I'll accept that. What I won't accept is taking it on the chin simply because the person giving me the lumps is in a perceived power of authority over me. The only way others have power over us is if we allow them to. It is a game in many minds, and we always have the choice of not playing.

Apathy and a sense of entitlement will be the downfall of Western civilisation. We need to be civil, inclusive and respectful, but in a manner that is productive and realistic. We need to reintroduce passion in our opinions, endeavor to make ourselves better and not live in fear of rocking the proverbial boat. The injustices in our society are sickening, the vast majority of politicians and bureaucrats attempt to mirror what the percieved wants are, and then manipulate and decieve - of which we are all aware but do nothing.

In conclusion, it would appear that the unreliable have beaten out the reliable for the job. Nietzsche and Ayn Rand where are you?

2010-01-08T11:32:00.002-07:00

Healthy Thoughts on Sickness: Autobiography of My Cold

My first test to take life easier came very early this year (see new year's eve post for more details). On Saturday, January 2nd, I felt a wee tickle in my sinuses and throat and could see that I was perhaps on the verge of catching one of the many colds that fly about this time of year, seeking out warm, moist caverens in which to set up their lodges. Sure enough, by the time I awoke on the Sunday, the prickle of the germs, of which Lucretius wrote of in his poem "De Rerum Natura", were staking out my sinuses allowing damns of congestion to pool and solidify, surrendering briefly in large globules against the stream of my neti pot, but replenishing with an even greater rapidity. With the congestion came fatigue as my vocal chords became damped as if a piano string with said pedal stuck on it's chord. Looming that night was Monday morning and a return to work where I am entrusted with the learning of 18 special needs students, who mean the world to me.

So, like a trooper, I ventured to work on Monday morning and was glad for having done so. The holidays are often a difficult time for the students in the demographics that mine dwell - poverty, abuse, alcoholism, drug use, gangs, violence. Our classroom is more like a family in many ways as I teach them pretty much the entire day and will have most of them for the whole three years of their junior high education. Thus, my spirits were lightened a bit by seeing them and it was wonderful to gain that sense of breaking from the Holiday's grip and return to a life as it is most of the time.

I knew by the days end that I would not be able to come to work Tuesday as I was feeling terrible, and told my students this. Enter my New Years promise to take it easier. Under the same circumstances in the past, I would have waited until the very last minute to decide to take the sick day or not, like an inmate hoping for a stay of execution, praying that a good night's sleep would cure all ills and set me free. This time, I decided that day and leisurely put together my sub plans for Tuesday, with hopes of returning to work on Wednesday. But things did not worked out as I had hoped. I was hardly any better on Wednesday, and Thursday was also nasty. I ended up taking those days off sick as well. By Thursday evening I was resolved, come hell or high water, that I would make it in for Friday (today). After all, the congestion has eased itself considerably, though my chest was feeling like the cold bugs had taking up ice climbing along my bronchials with their sharp crampons and ice axes, resulting from round after round of coughing spasms. From 2:00 a.m. to 4:00 a.m. I was hacking off my head and then resolved that I would take Friday as well. This was the true test of my resolution as, based on my past, I would have forced myself to go to work regardless as I would have been infiltrated and guilted by a sense of obligation, as if I were letting my students and school colleagues down, and for my general sanity.

The acceptance of my situation is largely what contributed to my decision process throughout this nasty cold. I spent much of my waking time in bed, focusing on meditation. Just as my spiritual views are a jumble of Buddhism, Taoism, Wicca and Hinduism, so too are my my methods of meditation. Part one focused on simply relaxing my body - trying to achieve a deep even breath and to let go of the stress that I was feeling both mentaly and physically.

Next, I repeated over and over in my head statements that the Buddha had made about life; how we are of the nature to be born, grow old, be sick and die. The focus was on the nature of getting sick, accepting that it is okay and part of life and taking heart that it will pass. The rest of the man's nature served as a reminder that there is nothing to fear in life and to make the most of each moment. Ergo, making the most of being sick and realising that the school would not fall apart, no matter how poorly things worked out with my substitute.

The third part, perhaps more Wicca in it's foundations, was through breathing and really trying to feel the sense of the universe around me - allowing and visualising healing energies coming into my body while releasing the cold virus that had made it's dwelling within. I admit that I had some interesting visions come into my head during this. While being largely skeptic, and understanding that the mind is a fickle thing, particularly when under the influence of an illness and cold medication, there was quite a profundity in it.

The last part involved a bit of humming and chanting "Om" (which I couldn't do due to the impact on my vocal chords). While this might sound cheesy, Science is holding some creedence in such practices, liking them to a cat purring and general attributes of vibration in healing.

In the end, I do not believe that any of this assisted me in getting better quicker, other than it helped me maintain a positive psychological state and gave myself the OK to stay home in bed for four days. For me, this psychological breakthrough is definitely something as I am usually at the bottom of my despair when under the weather, especially for such a prolonged duration. Further to all of this, I did do some very light restorative Yoga and also had a few sessions on my Shakti Mat (it's like a bed of nails - wonderful for releasing stress and endorphins - I got mine from a company in Sweden: www.shaktimat.com ). In any case, I am getting better and am trying to take the positives grasped by what really is a minor ailment in the great scheme of things. All things are relative in the end.

Be well.

2010-01-02T12:19:00.001-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxsOVK4syxU

This is an awesome video!

2010-01-01T13:21:00.002-07:00

A New Day and a New Year. Welcome to 2010! Welcome to the Revolution?

I read a lot of revolutionary stuff ranging from Fiction to History, Political Science and Biographies. Recent reads have included the novel Sashenka, an interview bio of Fidel Castro and the History of the Spanish Civil War. The passion of ideals are largely what attracts me to such books - I've probably read a PhD.'s worth on Irish and Soviet history!

What pains me is that there is little in the way of such revolutionary work or organisation going on in Canada right now, while the need for such a passion to re-shape this nation to make it a better place for all is much needed. From these words and what I've written (or if you know me), it is clear that I am of the political Left. I admit to being a Socialist with a strong interest in Communism (though many of my friends have told me that I'm more of a Fascist based on the strength I hold in my opinions).

Now before people start to attack me for even suggesting Communism as a good thing, what I advocate as Communism is not what we saw in Eastern Europe, North Korea, etc. Cuba is a place that I would hold as a potential example of Communism showing the potential for success. I'm not saying Cuba is the promised Socialist paradise, but it is a nation that I respect. In citing Cuba as an example, let's not forget that it is a land under constant attack from the United States and American funded ant-Castro/terrorist organisations. This combined with the American embargo have not helped Cuba in it's potential. As far as Cuba's human rights record goes, I can not condone this, but I can comprehend it. Any nation under attack imprisons any opposition voices as you can not have divisions within your nation while in a state of conflict. In my opinion, freedom of speech is a necessary aspect of any societies peaceful evolution and sustainability.

And for the record, Cuba has done a lot of philanthropic work, sending doctors to work abroad, were key in the release of Nelson Mandella and in progressively seeking environmentally sound forms of sustainability.

As for the former Eastern Bloc, North Korea, etc., the Russian Revolution died with Stalin and both him and Kim Jong Il are genocidal tyrants. Full stop.

Digressing somewhat, the other type of stuff I tend to read are books on the Eastern Philosophies of Taoism, Buddhism and Hinduism, in addition to a bit of Wicca, Christian and Sufi writings. Given that the majority of the world's peoples are followers of such schools of spirituality where the central messages are love, compassion, respect for one another and the planet, one can clearly compare and align these sentiments to those expressed in Socialism and even Communism.

In Canada we are looking at major cuts in Health Care, leaving us with a two tiered system in which the wealthy can get attention immediately, while others need to wait years for many procedures. In my two non-emergency surgeries (one to have my should mended, the other for a knee repair), the process from requisition to surgery date was between 18 months and two years. I have two friends waiting for hernia surgeries - one of whom has been waiting just shy of two years with still no word on a date.

Secondly, our Education system is facing more cuts and the system is already strained to the max. Post Secondary Education costs are becoming atrocious. Education should be a right - quality and accessibility should be a right. Young adults entering the world with massive student debts on top of all the other expenses of setting up lives starts many behind the eight ball and playing catch-up into their 40's with little saved for their future causes many life issues, can break up marriages under financial stress, etc.

Next, the inequality of wages in this nation are obscene as we play along with what the market demands and can withstand. CEO's and politicians make fortunes while Teachers and Nurses get paid a pithence in comparison. In my opinion, whether a person is a plumber, carpenter, surgeon, lawyer or Peace Officer, they all play an essential part in the running of society. While many may hold the surgeon in higher regard than the plumber, think about it. Do we truly want to return to the days of oat houses? No running water? No heat? As a Teacher myself, I could argue that Teachers should be paid more than anyone else in society as, without them, there would be no surgeons, plumbers, police or politicians. Instead, people complain that teachers are whiners who only work from 8-3 and have summers, Christmas and Spring Break off. This is of course erroneous as most teachers will put in a day starting at 7:30 a.m., leave by 5 p.m. unless they are coaching or running clubs. Then there is the planning and marking that you take home on weekends and holidays. There's meetings and professional development sessions you must take. Legal documents for IPP's, Progress Reports and differentiated lesson plans to be done. Oh yes, and then there is the actual teaching part in overfilled classrooms. I'm not complaining and I love my job. All I'm doing is illustration the reality of Teaching. I don not advocate that Teachers get paid more than others, but I do advocate for a greater equity across the board.

Next we have the Environmental issues which we face. Many of our issues in this regard are caused by corporate profiteering in the area of natural resources, but it is also a result of social excess by many of us. Things such as the Alberta Oil Sands are a disgrace, as is much of the clear cutting across this nation's forests and past incidents of over fishing. These things are permitted to continue due to threats of job losses. Does it not scare others that our so-called democracy can be so easily swayed by corporate self-interest?

In the end, these are the key issues. Apathy, greed and fear are what perpetuate our inaction. Canada is an abundant land that could sustain its comparably small population. For so long we have been fed propaganda about Socialism in the media and have devovled into a false sense of entitlement where want has exceeded need to the point of obscenity. We have become trivial and benign as a society, where cerebral obesity is the number one killer. Perhaps this is where I do show the Fascist inclination in that I am advocating my sense of what is reasonable, which will obviously differ from many, and, through this, the sense of totalitarianism associated with Communism shows itself. Nothing is perfect. My only retort is: hasn't commercialism and the media directly distorted your own perception of your needs in perhaps a more devious and subliminal manner?

In the end, humankind will always be the key ingredient to our society's rise and fall. Until the balance between wants and needs is re-established, the revolution will remain a sin through misappropriated dogma of those in control - corporately and spiritually.

2009-12-31T14:16:00.002-07:00

Last Post for 2009

As the final day of 2009 is over half done here in my part of Canada, I find myself being a little more reflective than I would like. Normally, my intention is to snub the ideas around New Years Resolutions and whatnot as I find that should we break them, many feel down and as if they need to wait for the following year to find the inspiration to try again. The dawn and end of every day, in my opinion, represent the most desirable times for reflection, introspection and goal setting. As long as we continue to live, we have the power to create change, abandon the negative and affect the positive.

However, despite my ideals, I find myself looking back and forward on this day, much more so than I normally would. Perhaps this is due to the recent stroke suffered just before Christmas by my Mother-in-law, and, as a result, my wife has gone over to England to see her. Many things come from this - a sense of mortality. To emphasize this point, on Tuesday I had received a letter from my Father-in-law about our plans for all of us to meet up in San Diego this summer. The letter was dated December 15th, and his wife suffered the stroke on the 18th. In a mere three days, lives were irreversibly altered - just like that!

My wife being away and etching further into my fourth decade, turning 41 on Christmas Day also adds to my thoughts.

Life is a strange road. I know that I need to slow down and take more in as both my cerebral and physical intensity are becoming more detrimental than beneficial to my health. I say I know this, but must also acknowledge that this is my nature and probably will be what kills me in the end. It's served me both in a positive and negative manner throughout my life, and, ultimately, is a mainstay of my being. Perhaps it's a bit odd to make a resolution to be less active! I suppose that's not an entirely accurate statement as, in reality, I need to reorganise my activities and alter the intensity somewhat in a physical sense. The cerebral intensity is my true demon and to have a less active mind might actually see me get a good night's sleep and lessen the daily anxiety that I try to drive away through physical intensity. Having an established Yoga and Meditation practice, I know that I need to enhance this by going out to more classes as opposed to just maintaining the work that I do at home, and focus on longer meditation periods. I will gain my physical solace from Rock Climbing and Mountain Biking, and give up the more harmful weight training and running which has taken its toll on my joints. Ultimately, making a greater impact with less impact!

So, with this, I bid all my readers (yes both of you) the very best in 2010 and hope that your dreams for each day come true!

Cheers!

2009-12-25T14:06:00.002-07:00

Christmas Day Thoughts

It's a beautiful Christmas day with a clear blue sky illuminating the white snow that covers this city. Christmas is a fairly reflective time for me as it is also my birthday. Today I turned 41. It's hard to grasp being in my forties, but I suppose one should not put too much of an emphasis on chronological age and focus more on how I feel. I must say, while the aches and pains + recovery time are slowly becoming problematic, I'm still in pretty good condition, given a life that's leaned to the rough and tumble of Rugby, Martial Arts, Hockey, etc. No complaints in the end, and I gain great pleasure that the intensity in which I undertake most of my activities keeps those a decade younger than I trying to catch up! Slowly, however, I'm begining to recognise that horizon of having to slow down, and that scares me.

Changes can happen so suddenly in one's life. Unfortunately this Christmas is a fairly sad one in our home as my wife's Mother had a stroke this past Friday. She seems to be doing well as can be expected at this point, but it is a lot for her and her family to come to grips with. My wife is holding together pretty well, and will be flying back to England on Monday for a week and a bit to see her Mom. It will be difficult for her, to say the least - seeing her Mother in this state, and having to return to Canada afterward.

In the end, each day is a gift that we must live to the max. The Buddha taught that we must accept illness and aging as simple truth that we are unable to escape in this life. Bearing that in mind, I ask that you all carry this sense of joy, hope and peace into 2010, well beyond the boundaries of the Holiday season. Love, live sensually and fully, and treat each sunrise as another day full of potential. Be in the moment and remember that if it feels good, then it probably is.

Om Shanti

2009-12-20T16:29:00.002-07:00

The Old Spinning Ball

I really don't think
I could believe in a God
who made up this world
that's so bloody odd
where brother kills brother
and Mother kills son
those who take power
by pointing a gun

told to have faith
so that it might ease
the heartbreak of people
and of children's disease
this whole spinning ball
in the palm of His hand
and notions that it's all
been put here for man

Now with this ball
life's become a toy
place in the hands
of brash girls and boys
sure the message of "love"
is stated strong
so where in the hell
did it all go so wrong?

I don't deny spirit
nor the divine
but I reject the premise
of any dogmatic line
for there is something special
that flows from the heart
and of this whole
we all are a part

Nature seems harsh,
but Nature's the rule
yet still we're all pissing
in our part of the pool
excuse the bad manners
'til the judgment is done
and only in death
will the promised peace come

dogmatic reason
stems from blind leading truths
indoctrinated on paths
so early in our youths
no questions queried
by Kingdom come
and by the Word
will Thine work be done

no, I really don't think
I could believe in a God
who made up this world
and gave us the job
though there are many
who in Him do trust
we're all bound to ashes
and already dust

but that dust is the base
of the landscape around
it's into everything
as this old ball spins around
no more excuses
for the sins that we've done
the answer for peace
lies inside everyone

the answer for peace
lies inside everyone.

2009-12-13T13:54:00.001-07:00

My Latest Letter to the Edmonton Journal Pertaining to the Proposal of Building a New Downtown Hockey Arena for the Oilers Using Public Funds

I love indoor Rock Climbing. I would love to open a new facility in north-east Edmonton, but I simply can not afford to do so. It's a shame as there is a large climbing community in Edmonton that would benefit from a new facility. If I offered to run the operation, would taxpayers and the government be willing to fund my endeavor? Methinks no.

Enter this whole downtown arena issue. A sports franchise that pays it's members millions, is owned by a billionaire and is only accessible live to the affluent members of society, wants tax payer support to build a new, bigger facility that will earn them greater profits and, as a plausible residual affect, re-vitalize downtown. Why would we, the public, even consider entertaining such an obtuse request, given the greater needs of this fair city?

The Oilers are an important organisation for many Edmontonians, but that passion is based on our national identity of being hockey loving people. You either love your team and the game or you don't. If Katz wants an arena, let him pay for it and recoup the costs from those who support the franchise and businesses that wish to sponsor it. I am incredibly frustrated with tax dollars going to bail out things like hockey clubs, Indy Car racing, etc. When my friend's video store could no longer sustain itself a couple of years ago because of the declining rental industry, he had to take the hit with no taxpayer's assistance. It's time we truly make the distinction of private funding for private industry and public funding for public industry. If the Oilers were accessible to the public like Art galleries, libraries, bike paths, roads, parks and swimming pools, or provided emergency services like EPS, EMS and the Fire Department, this may not be such an issue (though few employees in any of these industries make millions each year). As it stands, the Oilers simply strike me as greedy, spoiled children with little sense of life's priorities.

2009-12-08T19:42:00.001-07:00

To the End of the World

My flat-cap snugged down upon my head
wind washed cheeks, crackling footfall tread
a tune in my heart, watching dreams unfurl
making my way to the end of the world

Green spaces glisten from tender wept tears
pure in their intentions, iridescent spheres
far beyond me, far beyond home
carried within, wherever I roam

No time to fret nor to regret
or worry for what's not happened yet
not given a thought to where it all leads
though often confused, the wants and the needs

My scarf snugged squarely around my neck
all those moments that my mind wants to protect
a song in my heart, watching dreams unfurl
making my way to the end of the world

2009-12-06T16:54:00.002-07:00

Cerebral Brooding

I've always been a fan of film noir and old television shows, though it's rare that I ever watch television these days. The images on the screen were those that I was exposed to during my formative years, and largely shaped the vision of the world that forms the basis of my present day percetptions, regardless of the diverse notions that make my mind the patchwork piece that it has become. What it all boils down to is that I am approaching 41 years old in a couple of weeks and still do not have a clue about my life - where it's leading, how to live it, what it is, a raison d'etre, etc. I certainly do not believe that mine is a typical existence, neither is it extrordinary or special. It simply is of a wider divergence from the status quo than those also seeking that ever elusive sense of normalcy. I have always found myself an idealist, hovering around the fringe of society in terms of my worldviews. Some of this has been rather rewarding, but much of it has also left me feeling savagely disappointed, unfulfilled and facing the harshness of depression and anxiety attacks.

In the present, I find myself living in the suburbs of the lower middleclass, married going on 14 years with a 7 year old daughter. I have a career as a teacher with the local public system and am reasonibly good at my job. All of these things, if we were to use the film noir and old telly shows as a benchmark, should see me happily settled in life. Contented. But then there is the part of my character that shatters this vision - that of someone who reads intensely and is influenced by the authors and eras of yesterday where life seemed to be a much harsher struggle, but largely more substantial. In the present, time seems occupied by things simply for the sake of having these things to do, as opposed to undertaking them for something more gratifying. There seems to be little in the way of socialisation and substance as we leap like a murder of crows upon a world full of shiny but insubstantial things and conversation snared in small talk. We live according to wants that have digressed beyond any form of sentimentality (and I am a romantic, partial to the organic nature that can exist between people).

I don't think that I ever departed from the mindset that became who I was in my early and mid twenties. I still think and live youthfully (though, perhaps now such a manner of thinking would be construed more as immature), though perhaps my position should warn me off such behaviours, and my body certainly screams for me to slam on the brakes at times! Yet, how else am I to think, other than the way I do? Again, life does not prepare one answers for such conundrums, and it beseeches me as to whether or not it is common for one to make such suppositions to themselves.

Life is a mystery, and as the frigid dark days of the Canadian winter are upon me, I often find myself brooding in this darkness, my heart in hibernation leaving me open to the gremlins of my despair. Perhaps it is the number 41 looming 19 days from now that have me snared in such reflection, and Christmas, which is also the pinnacle of my ideal's worst hour... I simply don't know.

2009-11-30T17:11:00.003-07:00

I've Missed My Yoga!

As I sit looking at the falling snow, as it skids along the glass of my front window, I am strengthening my resolve to slow down a bit... though I have to scoot in an hour to Chair the Parent Council meeting at my daughter's school tonight (I think that I'm turning into a soccer mom)! This past month has been ridiculously silly. As a Teacher, this is perhaps the roughest time of year as the weather renders itself the spoiler of summer's dreams, forcing cabin fever into the being of my adolescent students, already gone nuts from hormones and puberty. On top of this, particularly as a Special Needs Teacher, there is an abundance of bureaucratic smegma to wade through, with Individualised Programme and progress reports being due (I love teaching but loathe paperwork). The time has leaped back in fear of the forthcoming winter, causing my commutes to and from work to be enveloped in darkness as the moonlight glares from the polish on the ice clad roads (hence the lament for my bicycle in my previous post). Finally, there are few breaks between September and December.

...and for good measure, don't forget, colds, flus, H1N1 which tend to flourish in the bacterial and viral playgrounds of our educational institution.

That is my professional life. Beyond that, those remaining fragments of my days are consumed with family, efforts to stay in shape and trying to get my band, PLAID FLAG, gig ready. These latter parts, definitely self-imposed, serve more as stress relievers, but can also add stress simply by taking away from pure down time.

The result of this way of life has left me with the sensation of a hatchet in my skull headache, nausea, chest pains, a racing mind and overall sense of exhaustion. I have no one to blame but myself as the cornerstone to my sanity - my Yoga and Meditation practice - as been allowed to lapse into virtual non-existence. I'm eating well, hitting the gym hard and whatnot, but I am missing that quiet time that allows me to unwind. Thus, I am really trying to return to my much neglected practice, and, with this, comes reflection.

It's interesting to see how I allow my Yoga to slide from time to time, given that it has been the most centering thing in a life that has seen its share of tumultuous times. I've been practicing for a decade now, and my first two years were spent going to intense Iyengar classes which formulated the basis of my Yoga. Since then, while going to classes sporadically and reading volume upon volume of Eastern Philosophy, Psychology, etc., my practice has been primarily at home. I don't know why I find it so difficult to motivate myself to take in a few classes at the many studios around town. I have no problem going to the gym, for example. I think my reluctance lies more so in being at a class for a scheduled time and the lack of solitude within a group setting. Many will say that the energy one receives doing asanas within a group can be powerful (that's the whole philosophy behind sangha's or spiritual communities), but I am, at heart, an introvert. I must say, from the 5-10 classes that I do take in over a year, I add new things to my routine and learn a thing or two. But, like so many things in life, we don't always do what it best for us. We are strange creatures indeed.

In the end, I recognise the negative effects of not doing Yoga, meditation and writing in my gratitude journal on a daily basis. In addition to the physiological affects described above, and, ironically through the tone of my words, it sets me in a negative mindset - a psychological state one really does not want to embrace with the onset of the Canadian winter! So, I'm glad that I have resolved to take a few deep Yoga breaths to give myself a kick in the arse, and bring Spring into my mind, if not my environment!

2009-11-28T17:33:00.002-07:00

Lamenting Bicycle

I am going through bicycling withdrawl. Though the weather is markedly mild for late November in Edmonton, it's still pretty chilly and the paths and roadways are all glazed with a film of ice. If I truly wanted to be hardcore, I'd still be sitting in my saddle beaneath multiple layers - as many hardy folks do and I tip my hat to them - but I just don't enjoy riding as much in these conditions. Cycling in -40c with blowing snow seems a bit too masochistic even for me! Alas, my cycling is relegated to the pages of various magazines that I leaf through on the bog, and the stationary bike at the gym.

I don't do winter well. Those of you who have never spent a winter in Canada (and British Columbia doesn't count), you truly have no idea. As I enter my 41st year next month, I still grapple with living in a climate that can hit +40C in the summer and -60C in the winter. I've tried to find an outdoor passion, but, when the mercury dips too low or there's no snow, things like XC skiing and snowshoeing simply don't seem reasonable. I'm a wimp - I admit it. Sure, there's a lot of indoor activities one might pursue. I do a lot of indoor rock climbing, go to the gym, etc., but I am not an indoor creature.

In the end, I think I'm definitely cut out for a more temperate climate. While I wilt in the heat, I love that feeling... to a degree... up until the nausea and dizziness fell me like a large conifer... But that being said, the Canadian outdoors is amazing, so I suppose that's what keeps me here - living for those 4-5 blissful months when produce is cheap and the trails beckon me lightly layered!

Still, if you are reading this in a warmer climate, enjoy... but I'm jealous.

2009-11-15T18:57:00.001-07:00

Contented

O the sun is setting
now on my youth
it's ideal dreams
and it's search for truth
leaving it all
to where I'm now found
on the pivotal point
between womb and the ground
pray my days are still plenty
before my time is done
and by God I'll live each
as if it were my last one

Don't know where I'm going
but I've made it this far
so to love, peace and pleasure
I'll hoist up my jar
no longer pining or regrets
for that life not chose
through the kicks in the bollocks
and the smells of the rose
to be here is sweet
with music and friends
and when toe taps the bucket
I hope that how it ends
may the road rise to meet us
while we're on our way
and always seize the day

2009-11-14T09:53:00.002-07:00

Justice, Rehabilitation and the Canadian Correctional System

There were two stories that caught my attention in today's Edmonton Journal. The first was on the front page about a Sudanese immigrant who was convicted of rape and is now being deported because he is deemed too dangerous to be released back into society. The second piece, on page A11, is titled "Federal system fails aboriginals in prison" and goes on about how more needs to be done to assist in the rehabilitation of First Nation's inmates who make up a disproportional amount of our prison population.

I spent half a decade working in a Canadian federal maximum security prison as a teacher and as a Correctional Officer. I witnessed idealism, political correctness and benevolent naivety, fuelled by noble compassion. I myself struggled with my feelings as I got to know inmates and their stories, seeing them as human beings rather than by race or newspaper headlines, against their atrocious and unforgivable acts. I am a compassionate person, and, while this may be a difficult concept to understand by many, that compassion has lead me to support of the death penalty as a means to first and foremost, protect society, but also to end the suffering that has lead so many career inmates to their present situation. Unless you have spent a lot of time in jail and witnessed the things that I have seen, I'm certain you will find this statement as being incomprehensible.

In today's articles, more is being demanded to assist Aboriginal inmates, while an African inmate is deported. I respect the compassion for First Nations inmates, but the public needs to be made aware that they host pow wows in the Edmonton Max where families and friends come in to celebrate and eat take-out food which has been ordered in. There is a Native Brotherhood centre in the prison, as well as a sweat lodge. If making these cultural things available to these inmates help, then I am all for it, but I am skeptical. During my time at the Max, many elders were dismissed for smuggling in contraband, perpetuated negative attitudes towards Officers, as well a racist attitudes toward non-Aboriginals. The Aboriginal gangs were given their own living units, and it was on these units that many of the riots, assaults and drug deals were schemed.

In contrast to this, the immigrant population is also on the rise in our prisons, particularly from the troubled regions of Africa. What steps are being taken to assist these inmates? There is no denying the difficulties in Canada's Aboriginal communities, but what are we doing for and what is our expectation of a Sudanese refugee who comes from a place where human life had no value, where they witnessed genocide, starvation and displacement? And while I support the deportment of the rapist, Samuel Luin, I ask how we can justify releasing inmates deemed too dangerous to re-enter society? If this had been any other offender, than that person would be back in society and most likely seeking out their next victim.

Demographics aside, every inmate has a story. In seeking to rehabilitate these individuals, we should not be seeking to do so according to race, any more than a doctor would seek to cure a room full of sick people with different ailments according to race. Going further, no inmate should be released if they are still deemed dangerous. Period. I believe a country is judged by the way they treat their prisoners and I embrace the compassion that we Canadians have. What we need to do is reflect on what being truly compassionate means.

Submitted to the Edmonton Journal on Nov. 14th, 2009