Sleep, Baby, Sleep


Let me begin by stating emphatically that the scientific notion that we require less sleep as we grow older is a complete lie fabricated by a secret underground of three year olds conspiring to take over the world. Our little one, who was obviously a hard arsed drill sergeant in a previous life with a few loose ends to tie up in this one, has always been an early riser, as in 06:30’ish. As of late, however, it has been ridiculous: going to sleep (impossible to wake) at five or six in the evening and waking at 04:45. My wife and I are zombies. To further push the conspiracy theory, I’ve been hearing lots in the media as of late that excessive coffee consumption is bad and, by their stats, the amount of the black stuff I drink a day is enough to cause an irregular heartbeat. It’s obvious that these subversive children are doing this because they want us totally down and out! Or perhaps they want us to give them chocolate and candy after supper so they will be wound up until a later hour – is that their master plan: candy?!

I remember burning the midnight oil when I was young. I remember jamming until late and then having to get up fairly early, vocal chords shredded, for my Saturday job. There were nights of insanity back when I was playing Rugby, yet we managed to play, weary and hung over, the next morning. I remember being worn out lots when I was in the Naval Reserve too, or pulling all-nighters in university, and survived. In theory that should be becoming easier as, according to science, we do require less sleep as we grow older!

I think of parents who complain about having to drag their teens out of bed every day. They obviously reared their young before the conspiracy, as, going through this now makes me relish those days, should they ever come! Then the revenge can be mine… or perhaps this IS the revenge of these parents, but they were silenced…..

The stuff we write in our sleep, eh!