Masochistic Perceptions, Trials and Truths

These are my cyberfied cerebral synapses ricocheting off reality as I perceive it: thoughts, opinions, passions, rants, art and poetry...

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Parenting, Marriage and Mist Over Pathways

Almost my first month of vegetarianism behind me and I must say, in spite of the insomnia that has been afflicting me, I feel pretty healthy. I don't know if there is a link, but, back in the early 1990's when I was teaching in the former Czechoslovakia, I went veggie and it lasted close to three years. Throughout that time I hardly got sick with colds of flues, things that I am usually highly susceptible to. That was also when I lost a substantial bit of weight, dropping from 220 lbs to 185 lbs over a year. I presently weight about 210 lbs, but am carrying substantial muscle mass. I am hoping that with my Yoga, cardio and diet, that I will lean out again. Ideally I'd like to weight 190 lbs.

On the insomnia front, last night felt like I was going to have a good sleep. Admittedly, I took a sleeping pill, washed down with a wee dram of single malt and topped the whole thing of with Nyquil. Not a healthy choice I know, but, when you've been suffering like I have been, one becomes desperate. Anyway, my daughter came home with an ear infection yesterday, so my wife took her to the medicentre. As a result, daughter slept in bed and persisted to pull the covers off me and kick me all night, resulting in little sleep for either me or my wife.

Parenthood is the most incredible privilege one can ever have, but it also brings a heightened sense of gratitude around Mother's and Father's Day. Our marriage of 12 years is bloodied but unbowed with all the life stresses, compounded by the sacrifices that come with children and the fact that all my family lives in Nova Scotia and my wife's are all in England (save for her sister serving in the British Army in Afghanistan). It's really no wonder so many marriages end in divorce – especially amongst my peer group – call us Generation X or the Me Generation. You really need to foster tolerance and have deep rooted, common fundamental beliefs. Marriage is like selection camp for the special forces like the British SAS or U.S. Navy Seals. Many try but few succeed. I don't know how long my marriage will last as it goes through good and bad. Perhaps one day we'll just have had enough, or perhaps not. It's crazy to think that we choose life mates in our formative years – usually our 20's. People change so much. There is no fault in this, it is simply how things are. It's a pity divorces have to grow so ugly, if people would just say: hey, I loved you but we've simply changed too much and life would be happier on different, separate paths.

Though my quest through Buddhism and Yoga has probably made me more of a introspective head case than anything, it has been good in challenging my beliefs, attachments and sense of who I am. We wear so many masks throughout our lives that the actor becomes blurred. Still, we are the person when all the projection of image is stripped away and the only one who really needs to accept that person is one's self.

…See what this lack of sleep has done to me!



Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home